Welcome to 2016 everyone. Everything has changed, and everything's stayed the same.
The main thing that's stayed the same? There are still really incredible, really wild events occurring in New York City in January. The main thing that's changed? Well if you haven't noticed, it's much, much colder outside.
Still, you'll survive the cold, and we think it'll be in your best interests to hit the town this weekend. We think you should hit the town hard.
So, as usual, we've done our best to scour the city to find the hottest events hitting town this weekend. We've got comedy shows, sex lectures, and dinner cruises.
Want to know what else is going on in the city this weekend? We thought you would. You're going to have to read on to find out though, won't you?
Friday, January 8th
1. Bar Car Nights at the Holiday Train Show (2900 Southern Blvd - the Bronx)
Yes, we know the holidays are over. No, that doesn't preclude anyone from marveling at the New York Botanical Garden's Holiday Train Show.
Despite what society would have us believe, miniature versions of NYC landmarks made from natural materials are not only amazing during the holidays.
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This show includes more than 150 miniature NYC landmarks, and a complimentary cocktail. So you can enjoy the NYBG's stunning light show "Cirque de Light" with a buzz.
There will be an intimate jazz set in the warmth of the Pine Tree Café, and delicious and festive treats from Frosty's Schnapps Haus. Do it before you'll have to wait until next year. Get your tickets here.
2. Friday Nights at UCB (various locations)
ucbtheatreeast Everyone's Favorite Game Show, 11/20/15. L-R Sarah Burton, Joey Price, Alex Teague, Achilles Stamatelaky, Ryan Simmons, audience contestant, Molly Lloyd
You've heard about UCB, right? It's the comedy school that brought up the immortal talents of Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and Matt Besser.
So, it's a pretty big deal, and you should check it out. At their Chelsea location on Friday nights, they offer a wide variety of hilarious spectacles.
This Friday, they're showing the "THE STEPFATHERS," "THE FIRM: Law and Disorder," "Christine Bullen A China Shop + Trump Dump: President Luxury," and "The Incredible Game Show Showcase."
At their East Village location this Friday evening, they'll show "Gentrify," "The George Lucas Talk Show," "TAKE IT PERSONAL: The Hip Hop Improv Show," and "BUCKY: Thank F#@% It's Friday!"
Check out the East Village location's schedule here, and their Chelsea location's schedule here. Get your tickets fast; these events tend to sell out.
Saturday, January 9th
3. Free Days at Wave Hill (West 249th Street - the Bronx)
wavehill Winter reveals the handsome formality of the Flower Garden, lightly gilded by the afternoon sun #wavehill #gardenglory
Wave Hill is a stunning, 28-acre public horticultural garden and cultural center in the Bronx. Thanks to Target, you can go for free this weekend.
Actually, you can go for free every Tuesday and Saturday until January 30th if you arrive by 12 p.m., but we're talking about this weekend specifically right now.
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Show up by noon on Saturday and stroll around the stunning garden. It overlooks the Hudson River and Palisades. We've got to say, it's one of the most beautiful spots in the whole city. In fact, it's hard to even remember you're in NYC while at Wave Hill.
As for getting there, Wave Hill offers two sets of shuttles: one from the Metro-North Riverdale Station and another from the 1 train at West 242nd Street. Learn more here.
4. Swing, Hustle + Sing-A-Long Throwbacks Party (108 West 40th Street)
Do you want to get your dance on? Do you want to dance so hard you leave the party on Saturday night sweaty, exhilarated, and enchanted from your trip back to yesteryear?
We thought you might. On Saturday night at the Croton Reservoir Tavern you'll have the chance to just that.
The coolest part? It's a Quiet Events silent disco. Everyone will be jamming hard to the music pumping in their headphones. If you take them off, you'll experience and eerie sensation indeed.
There will be three options in your headphones: DJ mixes playing Motown, funk, swing, '80s and more. There will be old school vibes. There will be a lot of energy. It starts at 9 p.m., and you can get tickets here.
,5. Manhattan Dinner Cruise (Pier 40)
hornblowerny Is it #NewYears yet? #HornblowerNY #2016 #nycdotgram #newyork_instagram #newyork_originals #bigapple #nyc #ny #bringonthenewyear
Hornblower Cruise's Manhattan Dinner Cruise is the most romantic thing you can do this January.
We know it's cold. You know what else we know? The cold encourages cuddling. Plus, alcohol and delicious food definitely help warm you up.
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Sometimes the cold can be invigorating. You know what else is invigorating? Amazing views of the skyline,the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and the Brooklyn Bridge. These are all sights you'll glimpse aboard the cruise.
There will be an on-board DJ, and after dinner dancing. The cruise will last from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. Were you looking for the most romantic date in the universe for the weekend?
If so, we think you just found it. Book here.
Sunday, January 10th
6. No Pants Subway Ride (various locations)
lovethycinema This is the point of the night where you know it's time to go to bed. #HalloweenShenanigans #NoPantsSubwayRide #WhateverFloatsYourBoat #ImDone 🎃😕
The No Pants Subway Ride is an absurd phenomenon that's been taking off in NYC every year for 14 years.
We also wondered why the tradition wouldn't be deeply steeped in a month like, say, August, but we've got to admit it takes much more dedication to ride the subway pantless in January than it would in a much warmer month.
So we must ask: how brave are you? How willing are you to bare your underwear to the millions who will also be riding the subway on Sunday, January 10th?
If you answered very willing, here's all you need to know. There are seven different meeting points; everyone will meet up at 3 p.m. sharp and ride the subway until about 5 p.m.
There will also be a party at Webster Hall afterward which, is necessary, since we're guessing if you ride the subway without pants, you'll need a couple drinks.
7. The Art of the Blow Job (43 Mercer Street)
babeland_toys More photos from the #anme trade show. Here are our friends from @fundactoryusa. They do amazing things with silicone! #babeland #sextoys
This is a little dirty for us, but we thought it'd be fun. It's called The Art of the Blow Job, and it's an instructional class taking place at Babeland in Soho on Sunday evening at 7:30 p.m.
As you may have guessed, Babeland is an adult shop who believes in incredible, mind blowing adult activities. They also happen to be willing to share their very intimate expertise.
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If you come to this instructional lecture, you'll learn tips from the experts about hitting all the sweet spots when it comes to oral sex. They'll teach about hand tongue technique. They'll provide you this really insane roadmap to success in this particular area.
It should get wild. If this sounds like a blast to you, it's probably because it will be a blast. You can snag tickets here.
8. Sunday Comedy at the Knitting Factory (361 Metropolitan Avenue)
kyleort Spokane, WA came to party! Great way to spend our Halloween night and the final show of the tour. #SeptemberMourning #Halloween #Spokane #TheKnittingFactory
The Knitting Factory is kind of sneaky. As in, they don't announce ahead of time which comedians will hit the stage for their weekly Sunday night show.
Here's what we do know: the doors for the show open at 5 p.m., and the show begins at 9 p.m. Maybe you're thinking, “What will we do for four hours?”
The answer: you'll drink and hang out. Since this show is free, and since big names have been known to hit the stage, it gets packed. The earlier you arrive, the better.
The whole point is that The Knitting Factory doesn't announce who will perform every sunday night. Past surprise, unannounced performers have included Chris Rock, Sarah Silverman, Louis CK, Dave Chappelle, and Aziz Ansari. So you see what we're saying.
You can learn more about this amazing weekly event here.
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[Feature Image Courtesy Instagram]