This weekend was a dream. Starting on Friday evening and continuing late into Saturday night, a blizzard coated the city in snow. The result? The laws of living completely changed.
Odds are, you innovated hundreds of indoor activities, guzzled millions of bottles of wine, and ate all the freezer food the grocery store had to offer.
However, when you woke up this morning, the blizzard was over, and then you had to go to work.
Facing reality is difficult every Monday morning. Facing reality on this particular Monday morning was especially difficult because you sort of thought the city would live in perpetual blizzard bliss forever.
However, that was not the case. This morning, NYC dug itself out from 26.8 inches of snow, and kept on keeping on.
We didn't get back to our daily grind without difficulties, though. Read on to find out about all the struggles of getting to work in the snow in NYC.
1. Leaving your apartment
rightnow right now
Most of us woke up this morning and were confused about the concept of actually leaving our apartments.
Lots of New Yorkers spent the entire weekend circling the 300-square-feet of our apartments, and those of us that left certainly did not ride the subway.
Okay, maybe of us rode the subway home from booty calls, but that's sort of different, isn't it?
Anyway, waking up this morning was strange because we had to stomach the concept of leaving our apartments, getting back into the world, and saying goodbye to our beds.
2. Facing the world
jmdiamond1 #mondaystruggles #haveagreatweek
Right, remember how we talked about how many of us either stayed in our apartments, or stayed within a half-a-mile radius of our apartments all weekend?
Which is why it was confusing this morning when we had to get ready to face the world. Hundreds of New Yorkers were baffled by makeup, showering, and donning presentable clothes.
Most of us didn't interact with anyone all weekend besides our roommates, booty calls, and the lovely bartenders who somehow made it to work in the blizzard.
So, the idea of facing co-workers and interacting as a normal human who didn't spend all weekend drinking and eating Easy Mac was, to say the least, daunting.
3. Acquiring breakfast
The best among us actually heeded the warnings of snow, and actually grocery shopped, for the first time in decades. So, lots of New Yorkers actually have bagels, raw bacon, pancake mix, and frozen hash browns stocked up in their kitchens for the first time, like, ever.
All weekend we experienced firsts. For the first time, we poured our own mimosas, toasted our own toast, and fried our own bacon.
This weekend, for the first time, we weren't rushing off to wreck our bank accounts on brunch. We made our own breakfast, and we actually liked doing it. We could get used to this! we thought.
Leaving to go to work this morning was painful because of the sheer of amount of food we stockpiled for the blizzard. Also, because we had to face the hard fact that we're hardworking b*tches and bros, and we'll never have time to cook for ourselves before work.
4. The snow boot dilemma
spoiled_nyc 😳😳😳😳😳 #travelban #blizzard2016 #snowstormjonas #snowstormjonas2016 #onlyinnyc #onlyinny #onlyinnewyork #newyorkersbelike 🗽😳🗽😭 (@filmsbyamy)
You know the dilemma we're talking about. There's no way you're wearing your leather loafers or suede pumps through the snow, so you have to wear your snow boots and pack your other shoes.
First of all, carrying shoes is kind of weird. Second of all, your nice shoes take up way too much room in your bag, and you're pretty self conscious about being seen stomping through your office in snow boots before you have the chance to change your shoes.
Still, wearing your snow boots and changing when you get to work is better than ruining the triple digit shoes you bought because you needed to acclimate to office culture, so, whatever.,
parkernewyork ...post-Jonas life in NYC. 😫❄️👎🏽 #slush
We're just going to assume you have a pair of snow boots. If you don't, we don't know how you did it.
If you made it to work today without snow boots, you probably spent some time in the bathroom, drying your cold, wet feet under the hand dryers when you got in.
Anyway, even if you do have boots, they do end at a certain point. When you're ascertaining whether to step in a certain slush puddle, it's often to tell how deep said puddle really is.
We're guessing you drenched your calves on your way to work this morning because a slush puddle was deeper than you thought it was. We know we did.
6. The subway
mrscolonx0 #prettymuch how I've been feeling lately.. #isthisreallife #preggoprobs 😂🙏
You get on the subway and blink in the crowd of people. This many people live in the city?
You almost forgot you live in a city of 8.3 million people. Most of the city was tucked away in their own private apartments all weekend, and you almost forgot you didn't live here by yourself with your roommates.
The subway is more crowded than ever, and you have to re-acclimate yourself to subway etiquette. You did spend the whole weekend not riding it, after all.
You catch yourself making eye contact, and then you remember eye contact is forbidden. Riding the subway is like jogging. It takes so long to get good at it, but miss two days and you'll basically have to start from square one.
sobasicicanteven On Sunday, I want no direct contact unless you're deep fried in oil. 🍟🙌🏽 #SoBasicICantEven
"How was your weekend?" Your co-workers want to know.
You're still entirely flabbergasted by the fact that you've actually left your apartment and made it to work, so it takes you a moment to respond. Odds are your weekend was filled with oceans of wine, some recreational drug use, hooking up, and heating up microwave dinners.
When your co-workers pose you this completely innocuous question, you have to rifle through the memories slamming you all at once. Could you tell them what you did all weekend and still maintain their respect? Absolutely not.
Eventually you mumble, "Slept a lot," and get away from the conversation as quickly as you can. Now you sound lame, but it's better than telling them the truth. Trust us.
8. Actually working
friend_of_bae Yes please 😍 (@_theblessedone)
Okay, so you got to work, you changed your shoes, and you ate a mediocre coffee cart bagel.
Now you have to ... actually work? What is this nonsense?
It doesn't help that your New Jersey and Long Island co-workers get to work from home. It also doesn't help that you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and realized you really, really should have tried harder to look presentable.
Now you're stuck asking yourself the really difficult questions. Questions like, why did Jonas have to happen on a Saturday? Couldn't Jonas have happened on, like, a Wednesday? And, how do I do my job again?[Feature Image Courtesy Instagram]