We've all heard that New York City is a concrete jungle, but I can do you one better.
Traveling through New York City streets among all the taxis, trucks, and tourists is as fraught with peril as a day at Jurassic Park being chased by dinosaurs.
Read on to see which modes of transportation are the most like your favorite dino-creations from B.D.Wong's lab!
Be careful out there.
1. Taxi Cabs = Velociraptors
Hailing a taxi cab in New York is a dance with destiny. Will you speed swiftly & safely up the FDR? Will your driver not have Easy Pass installed and get pulled over on the GW trying to by-pass the toll?
Or will he make a stop somewhere off 11th Avenue and leave you in the locked cab because he "needs to go to the bathroom"? The taxi is a dangerous beast and follows no laws of traffic! Similar to our next creature...
2. Cyclists = Gallimimus
With their toned bodies on slick bikes allowing them to weave in and out of traffic, it makes sense that cyclists like to set their own rules... but c'mon! They're killing machines when set loose in the wild!
Just like our friend Gallimimus here! Check out Sam Neil and those kids almost getting trampled to death when all they were trying to do was go for a dang walk!
Eerily similar to when tourists get mowed down by cyclists in Central Park right? RIGHT!? Am I about to blow the lid off this thing??
3. The Subway = The Sick Triceratops
The Subway is a wounded bird―or in this case, a triceratops that can't lift itself because it is so physically taxed from all the garbage that it's been shoveling into it's body.
Wait, is the triceratops AMERICA? I'm gonna journal about that later.
The Subway has service delays every day and there is of course the looming L train shutdown. Get up, Subway! Get up, Triceratops! Clean yourself up, and quit eating stuff that's bad for you!
4. The Bus = Brachiosaurus
Aww the bus!! If you like taking the scenic route, if you got nowhere to be in a hurry, and if you don't mind standing while your mode of transport hits a pothole: the bus is for you! Taking the bus can be interminably slow but also a fun place for people-watching.
I compare it to the Brachiosaurus because these gentle giants move at their own GD pace. Also, that scene where one of them sneezes on the blonde girl―if you get too friendly with a fellow passenger aboard the M15, you're probably gonna get boogers on you.
5. Emergency Vehicles = The T. Rex
Firetrucks, ambulances, police cars....those sirens will make even life-long New Yorkers beg for mercy and, Xenu help ye who fall in their path (although seriously, what are you doing? They have someplace important to be!).
This may seem a harsh comparison to the blood-thirsty T. Rex, but let's not forget some basic T. Rex facts: practically indestructible, loud AF, and saves the day at the end of the movie by fighting off some raptors! Thanks T. Rex!
Just remember to keep real still because they sense movement. Which is also a great strategy if you're hiding from your boss!
6. Pedestrians = Jeff Goldblum
We're all just trying to get through it with a little bit of class, man! Okay, so maybe you're not rocking that killer Goldbum coif YET, or maybe you're feeling a little too shy to disrobe atop a laboratory table YET, but you know what? You live in New York, DAMMIT!
You've got enough snarky comebacks to light up the Brooklyn Bridge! So put on that all black outfit in the dead of summer and saddle up to your Tinder date and tell them "Life, uh...finds a way".[via Instagram]