If you're living in NYC, chances are you live that roomie lyfe.
And it is not always a walk in Central Park, y'all!
Whether you move in with friends from college whose parents are crazy enough to sign as guarantor, or you live with an Internet rando and pray they don't murder you in your sleep...
Co-habitating is truly the most dangerous game.
Read on to find the most common types of New York City roommates for better... and for worse.
1. The BFF
Living with your best friend! What could go wrong? LITERALLY EVERYTHING. Let me guess, you two have dreamed of being #roomies since forever so you could Rachel & Monica it up in your own little slice of NYC real estate heaven?
Here's the thing about living with a bestie: you might THINK you know everything about each other, but you ain't seen nothing yet.
You've never had to live with their weird bathroom habits and manic food-labeling before―and remember how your BFF isn't like, super good with money? That's one rent check to avoid at all costs.
2. The S.O.
I mean, I get it. You spend half your time at each other's apartments anyways! And the commute from Brooklyn to Harlem is STUPID LONG. Moving in together does have its benefits: you get to save money on rent, create a cute name for the wireless network, and have sleepovers every night!
But tread carefully, young grasshoppers! Much like moving in with one's BFF, hopping on a lease with your Significant Other is a big f*cking deal. This one's all about the communication - with your S.O. and with YOSELF. Are you ready to see this person every. Friggin. Day?
Can you guys stand to be in the same room for hours at a time WITHOUT TALKING? If you answered these questions with a "hell yeah, I love sitting around doing nothing with that weirdo," then a blessing on your house.
3. The Parade of Internet Randos from Hell
Craigslist, Gypsy Housing, Chat Roulette...The internet is like a box of chocolates! You never know what you're gonna blahblahblah... here is a brief sample of the horrors you will encounter when finding roommates through the internet:
Those people who don't flush the toilet because this is the middle ages: HORROR!
People who hoard food in their bedrooms because deep down they love mice and cockroaches, I think? Their closet literally has bottles of warm beer in it. Why did I go in there? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS/I NEEDED A TAMPON: HORROR OF HORRORS!
People who leave the AC on 24/7 because they hate money: #horriblyannoying
People who steal from you but are also super religious so it's like, LOL, I knew that whole "God" thing was a ruse: Harry and the HORRIBLES
People who enter your bedroom in the middle of the night and then proceed to PEE ON YOUR FLOOR: HORRIBLE AND THE NO GOOD VERY HORRIBLE HORRIBLE
The Internet is dark and full of terrors.
4. The Artist
There's no business like show business! No business I knooowww! Seriously, I don't know how to do anything else, it's why I type in mostly CAPS.
Thank you for bearing with me this long. If your roommate is a comic/writer/actor/singer/tinker/tailor/solider/spy... then hats off to you, my friend!
You know how to LIVE!!! Well, sometimes. For although your roomie may belt like Adele when she's in the shower, she sounds like a newborn goat when she's "vocalizing."
And you better be ready to help with her SIDES! Never videotaped an audition before? Or hosted an improv rehearsal? Or gone to an open mic night with a $20 cover + two-drink minimum and let's not even START on kickstarters PEOPLE!
Welcome to living with artists. We're broke! We're loud! We're just trying to make some absent parental figure proud!!!
5. The Real Life Human with an Actual J.O.B.
Maybe you met this person through friends or a relative but the fact is: they are legit. They have a savings account and they know what a 401K is.
They have more than one credit card and know how airplane miles work! Living with this person is nice because you know your rent will always be paid on time. Living with this person is weird because you will question every decision you have ever made in your LIFE.
You'll start looking for a way to bond with this Real Life Human and you'll consider evicting them when you find out they "just don't get" Arrested Development. But you'll find common ground on something like... Gilmore Girls. There we go. We can all watch an episode of Gilmore Girls together.
6. The Real Life Ghost
Okay, you know there has to be someone else living with you. You can hear them shuffling around at strange hours of the night... food comes and goes from the fridge... the shower curtain isn't quite where you left it... and yet?
You do not ever see this human being.
Weeks will pass without you coming into contact with - Becklyn? No...that's not her name. No one is named Becklyn. Whatever this person's name is, she is what we call The Real Life Ghost. Whatever you do, don't go looking for The Real Life Ghost, ya hear? That's just looking for trouble! Damn nosy kids...