Congratulations! You've been asked to be a bridesmaid! Those years of friendship have really paid off.
But wait, what's that? The bride wants you to all have matching bridesmaids dresses that cost...how much?
And plan a destination bachelorette party to... where?! Do you even like any of these people?!
Here are some helpful hints when you’re a Kristen Wiig in a room full of Rose Byrnes.
1. The Engagement Party
Did you know engagement parties were a thing? Me neither! Do yourself a favor and get ahead of the game: be one of the people who plans the engagement party!
How to do this on a budget? Ask questions like “So my bitches, we gonna throw these kids an engagement party or WHAT!?” (Ladies with well-paying jobs love being called bitches btw).
Saddle up to someone who LOVES planning stuff. Make TERRIBLE suggestions. Keep mentioning, "You could try to make queso!!?” No one will ever let you plan anything for the remainder of this process. You’re welcome.
2. The Bridesmaid Dress
If you are attending a wedding in New England this summer there is a 1,000% chance you will be dressed in J.Crew which is great news for you dear one, because you can find all that silk chiffon on sale! J. Crew Outlet is your new bff.
There’s also all this hipster nonsense that is very popular right now where bridesmaids wear different colors or even entirely different dresses? It looks amazing, I love it.
And this is the best option for #bridesmaidonabudget because your options just expanded from J.Crew’s closet to your very OWN closet. Or your roommates! That’s right, I am suggesting wearing a pre-worn dress to a wedding, GASP. Whatever, call it vintage.
3. The Wedding Shower
This is literally just a party where you watch the couple open presents. So don’t forget to bring a gift (from the registry)! And it’s okay to keep it under $50. First priority: paying your rent. Forty-fifth priority: Pier One salad bowls.
4. The Bachelorette Party
Bachelorette parties are a great excuse to get crazy with the the bride to be! But what if it’s a destination bach party? Easy: refuse to go unless Megabus also goes to there.
Be forewarned that there will always be a friend of the bride who will want to hire a stripper. Maybe this friend is you! If so, good for you! Pay for the stripper all by yourself because no one else is into it!
5. The Wedding
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not...roast? Yes, it does not roast. You can’t roast love so don’t even TRY.
You made it to the wedding! You’ve got the dress, you sent the gift, you’re good to go! No open bar? Good thing you’re the type of gal who never goes anywhere without her trusty hip flask!
And you’re gonna be glad you brought extra booze, because no one should have to go through the Chicken Dance sober.[Feature Image Courtesy Kate Shine]