Welcome to New York City! Capital of the skyscraper, the dollar slice, and the amazing bodega kingdom!
Now that you've arrived, we've got to let you know how things go around here. Oh, and word to the would-be-wiser-than-anyone NYC natives: you could always use a little refresher course on the best practices of being a New Yorker.
No one wants to talk to you on the subway or in the elevator at your office. They might want to talk to you in the elevator in your apartment building, depending on your building. Proceed with caution.
Most of all, don't spend your time buying stuff in corporate chains. If you only shop at Barnes and Noble, Urban Outfitters, and Panera, you'll be missing out on an entire climate of independent stores who make this city what it is.
Living in NYC is hardly a cakewalk, but if you stick with us, we can make your grind more like a water slide. Walking to the top of the stairs is tough, but once you've done it, it's definitely a thrill on the way down.
Read on to learn what rules by which real New Yorkers live and die.
1. Eat at bodegas instead of chains
Every New Yorker knows that not only is the bread at a bodega infinitely fresher and more delicious than whatever they're churning out at Subway, but that the dude making your sandwich at the bodega will care so much more about your sandwich than anyone at Subway ever possibly could.
Every New Yorker knows the Italian sub from their favorite bodega will light up their day and that saving a couple bucks on the soggy mess they'll give you at Quiznos is not worth it.
Those guys at the bodega have a tried, tested, true, and delicious recipe that is not for sale. No chain, whether it be Panera, Cosi, or Potbelly, will ever replicate it.
2. Eat good pizza instead of bad
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There is no reason to ever go to Domino's. Ever. Okay people? Nor is there ever any reason to go to Pizza Hut.
The pizza at those places is not good, and it's more expensive than the hundreds of entirely tasty dollar slices for sale all throughout the city.
There are some chains it's okay to go to: like Two Boots and Artichokes. The key difference is clear. The pizza there is delicious, and made by people who care. It's not being spat out on an assembly line, nor made with preservatives and processed cheese.
No self respecting New Yorker will ever be caught dead in a Domino's.
3. If you get attitude, it's cool to give attitude
In NYC, sometimes people come at you. Sometimes people come at you hard.
The laws of the city, though, are that if someone's getting in your face and being really unhelpful, or claiming you cut them in line or something, it's totally cool to get in their face back.
9 times out of 10, once you've illustrated that you have a spine, the person on your case will back down. Then, usually, you will proceed to have a friendly interaction as you should have in the first place.
4. Don't lean on the pole
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Let us be really crystal clear here: The pole is not your bed. It's not your personal couch. We're not in your apartment.
On the subway, we're in a public space. Especially on a crowded subway. Some other people are going to need to hold onto that pole, and we don't want to shove our hand in between you and the pole to do it. Leaning against the pole isn't courteous, and everyone on the train is going to hate you if you do it.
,5. It's okay to ignore everyone
This is the ninja rule. This is the rule every New Yorker needs to have in their back pocket to completely rock NYC.
When you live in NYC, there are going to be dozens of people who want your attention all the time. There are going to be so many people announcing their plight on the subway, so many more trying to hand you things on the street, and others who want to lecture you on the sidewalk.
Okay, we're hard on the clipboard people. We get it. Their jobs are hard, and they're usually out there for a good cause, but still... You don't have to listen to them talk.
Focus is key for avoiding everyone. Just make no eye contact. When someone tries to hand you something on the street, look the other direction. Don't reach out your hand. Once you've perfected this skill, you'll officially be a ninja who's life-hacked this city.
6. Don't take up the whole sidewalk
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We don't care how in love you are or how absolutely necessary it is for you to hold hands at all times. Please do so in a way that still allows us room to get past you and continue rushing onwards.
Please don't stand five-across with your gaggle of friends while touring the city. We're always in a rush, and we'll always need to get by you. We'd like to do this as painlessly as possible.
Basically, a great rule for you to remember regarding being a pedestrian in NYC is that there should be room for others to pass you. If you're on an escalator, make sure you're over to the right so everyone who's rushing can get by.
This is infinitely true of the shared rushing ground called the sidewalk.
7. Street carts are your friend
Vegetables and fruits along the side of the street often go for a couple dollars a pop, and purchasing them is an excellent way to snag some healthy, inexpensive groceries on the go.
This holds true with the Halal Guys whose chicken and rice can brighten anyone's week. They're offering that deliciousness up for a couple dollars and it's completely satisfying. If you're looking to be nice to your wallet and your tastebuds, they're the way to go.
This is also even truer when it comes to your morning coffee. For a dollar or $1.50 you can get a nice steaming cup and your requisite caffeine jolt by a nice dude who remembers your order again the next day. It's definitely better than the sewer water they're selling at Dunkin' Donuts.
8. Go to stuff
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The whole point of you living here is for you to take advantage of the city's vibrance, right?
So get on the internet. Check out YPlan and SeatGeek to see what's up for you to get down. We're positive your favorite performer will be hitting this town for a concert soon. You should go see it.
For the amount you'd spend on any night at the bar you can have an entirely transcendent experience. Check out Madison Square Garden for a sporting event, even if you don't like sports. They have some pretty good food there, at least.
Plus, the city has amazing ice rinks, beautiful parks, indoor food markets, and plenty for you to do. A New Yorker's favorite word should be "yes."
Check out 5 Reasons Why SantaCon Is the Absolute Worst Thing Happening in NYC.
[Feature Image Courtesy Instagram]