Ah, Christmas in New York City. What a magical time.
Glittery lights and giant wreaths line the streets, holiday markets are buzzing with cheer, and the air practically smells like gingerbread.
And what's that over there? An obliterated 26 year old man in a poorly constructed Santa hat, retching over a subway grate on 6th Avenue?
How very festive.
This is just one example of the debauchery a New Yorker might stumble across on the one holiday event that tarnishes the otherwise picturesque nature of Christmas in NYC: SantaCon.
SantaCon is an annual holiday pub crawl in which participants "dress up" as "Santa" and "celebrate" Christmas by drinking their way into oblivion and generally wreaking havoc on whichever city they are invading.
Some love Santacon, others hate it. We think you know where we're going with this one...
So, here are 5 reasons why it quite possibly might be the absolute worst thing to happen to New York City this holiday season. We'll let you decide for yourselves...
1. It creates absurd crowds in already absurdly crowded areas
deannarce_photography #nycsantacon #santacon Times Square SantaCon #holidaysinnyc #newyork #christmastime #colorphotography #merrychristmas #nikon #timessquare #santaconnyc
God help you if you have anywhere to be/anything to accomplish in Midtown the weekend of Santacon.
You might as well just cancel any plans or reschedule any meetings.
[anad]
But if you're forced to brave the crowds, you'll definitely want to allow extra time, and you'll definitely want to avoid wearing ANYTHING red, at the risk of being mistaken as a participant.
2. It causes (even more) Penn Station madness
mightyjune Was this because they never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games? #tbt to #santaconnyc 2010 in Central Park
The only thing worse than having to take the Long Island Railroad into the city is having to do so while seated next to a grown man adorned with felt and jingle-bells, emitting a putrid alcohol stench.
At 9 a.m.
No thank you.
3. It definitely traumatizes children
m_marra #tbt SantaCon last Saturday. SantaCon Farmingdale this Saturday. Come down and join in the festivities and donate an unwrapped toy, household items or cash to the Toys of Hope charity. Donate $10 and get a 16oz souvenir cup and a FREE beer! (Link in my bio to donate online) #santaconnyc #santacon #santaconfdale #nyc #farmingdale #longisland #toysofhope #merryxmas
It's Christmastime in New York. Which means that undoubtedly, there are countless numbers of families with small children wandering around the city and peering into festive store windows.
HOW, exactly, are all these parents supposed to explain to their kids why there are approximately 8,000 drunken clones of Santa roaming the streets?
It certainly raises a lot of questions.
4. The Santas didn't even try
I mean, if you're gonna dress up as Santa, at least commit.
There's always the occasional SantaCon-er who is fully decked out in Santa attire, but the majority of them barely even put in any effort.
[anad2]
We see you, girl who just put on a red shirt and decided that was an acceptable Santa costume. We see you. And we're disappointed.
5. It's just plain douche-y
Let's be real.
Santacon isn't about celebrating Christmas or feeling festive. It's merely an opportunity for all those frat boys you went to college to attempt to relive their glory days and conceal their beer guts with polyester.
(P.S. - Neither is really working.)
Check out 10 Pro Tips for Surviving Santacon 2015.
[Feature Image Courtesy First We Feast]