He's back. We didn't know if he ever should have, but in a welcome change of pace, Sylvester Stallone as the retired "Italian Stallion" took the silver screen again in a surprisingly refreshing spin-off, featuring the incomparable talents of Michael B. Jordan-- as Apollo Creed's son --in Creed.
We get it. You're sick of it. We're sick of it. The reboots. The unauthorized sequels. People touching things that are better left undisturbed. We've all had about just enough.
Without going into a prolonged diatribe as to whether or not we should just let movies and their characters rest on screen without re-launching, revising, rebooting, or what have you, let's just say this movie worked.
It captures the emotion of the very first film without dipping too heavily into that same pond, the fighting is excellent, and Stallone is actually acting in a film rather than pushing other marquee superstars through a revolving door of coffins, escaping prisons, or something similarly stupid in a bad summer movie.
It worked for the box office, too. It broke a Thanksgiving weekend record by pulling in over $11 million before the actual weekend started (it ended up holding the third box office spot behind Pixar fodder, The Good Dinosaur, and that girl who's still on fire with The Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 2).
It grossed an impressive $42.6 million for the weekend, reviews are great, Stallone is great, Michael B. Jordan is great, and the premise is great: What would happens if Apollo Creed had a son that became a great boxer?
That's a question we all asked after we thought it was over after the first time we thought it was over, but a lot of that had to do with wondering how he'd exact revenge on Ivan Drago.
But it's now been answered. Rather than simply review the movie (which lends itself to spoilers), or rank the fighters from the movies, we're going to do a power ranking of the greatest fights in the movies (with the exception of Creed, of course).
10. Rocky vs. Tommy "The Machine" Gunn (Rocky V)
Oh, this video isn't the actual fight? That's because this fight sucks.
This movie sucks, Tommy kind of sucks, and the only thing worse than a sequel that sucks is a sucky supposed end to a great series of films.
The best part of this fight is the challenge in the bar. Like, look at Duke smiling in that fur coat. Tommy lost this fight the moment he had Duke with him.
9. Rocky vs. Thunderlips (Rocky III)
This one shouldn't count right? We could have done nine fights and called it a day, but no. We can't forget Hulk Hogan as Thunderlips.
In case you forgot, this fight was a charity exhibition. It's not really a real fight, but Hulk Hogan gets a little too real with it.
It's still better than Tommy Gunn because Hulk Hogan, even if he's an awful racist, is still better than Tommy Gunn. The fight ends stupidly, but hey, what did you expect? It's a boxer fighting a professional wrestler for charity. It was stupid to begin with.
8. Rocky vs. Mason "The Line" Dixon (Rocky Balboa)
This whole movie? Not the worst thing in the world. This whole fight? Not even close to the greatest fight in the series.
It's a little flashy, and they use campy, inspiring music to drive the action, but if you're a stickler for bad music during a boxing match, well, this scene kills you.
But then again, so does Milo Ventimiglia (Rocky's adult son) who hasn't been as uninspiring since he saved the cheerleader and saved the world in his run on NBC's Heroes.
Then again, Mason "The Line" Dixon, as a kind of wink-wink nod at racism in professional sports, is arguably the worst boxer name ever. It's the worst actual fight in the series if we pretend that Rocky V never happened, and, rest assured, we would like to.
7. Rocky vs. Spider Rico (Rocky)
This fight should go higher, right? It's the opening scene to the best movie in the series, Spider Rico has one of the best boxing names, and there's nothing flashy about any of it.
It shows the perfect grit of the era, the setting, and sets the tone for the whole movie. It's great.
The editing's a little rough, but it does everything to establish setting in two minutes that entire films can't capture in two hours.
Best part? Those shorts! Kidding. The best part is Spider Rico head-butting Rocky. Then he gets his a** beat. Cause and effect.
6. Rocky vs. Clubber Lang - Fight #2 (Rocky III )
"He's just a man, Rocky."
That "man"? Clubber. Lang. The third best villain in any boxing movie...
Okay, so not a great award considering the weakness of the genre, but let's give Mr. T some credit here. He was great throughout this whole movie even if we were put off by how much it felt like he'd just gotten off the set of The A-Team.
Also, this isn't even the fight where Rocky loses. Make sure you recognize that. This scene is great, but it's not even the best part of the movie. It does have a little bit of everything: Rocky taunting Mr. T, slow-mo, exciting orchestra music, Apollo cheering in slow-mo, and slow-mo punches. Everything.
If we ranked the Rocky films in descending order it goes V, Balboa, II, III, IV, then I. Who makes Rocky III better than II? Clubber. Lang.
,5. Rocky vs. Apollo Creed (Rocky II)
This is why we rank Rocky II so low on the list. This fight, while not wholly bad, is annoying because of the effing dedication at the end. If you've ever played sports, you know how hard it is to lose the big one. Anything to make it worse? Having your opponent thank you on stage immediately after.
How does that translate into making a bad sports movie sequel? Using that as a vessel in an attempt at replicating the magic of the original. We didn't need to hear Rocky yell, "Yo, Adrian! I did it!" He just showed us that. We know. Move on.
Also, what's with boxers saying, "I know what I'm doing!" to their managers when they're getting the hell beaten out of them? Like, clearly you don't know what you're doing. Stop saying it. Do better.
Again, this is just the first misstep in a series of unnecessary sequels (even if some of them ultimately worked out in furthering the story, what was wrong with Rocky I ending the way it did?), and you knew it was going to be a rough road when they try to end the second one the same way as the first.
4. Rocky vs. Clubber Lang - Fight #1 (Rocky III)
"Dead meat."
Why is this fight more important than the one that Rocky actually wins? Mr. T talks the best sh*t to Apollo before the fight even begins. Clubber Lang wanted some of everyone (even Adrian), and he wasn't going to let Carl Weathers's nice suit stop him either.
Also, Rocky's at the pinnacle of boxing success here, and the fall is entertaining even if the fight kind of sucks. Oh, the fight sucks? That's right. Because this is the culmination of every bad thing happening to Rocky in and out of the ring, this fight makes the Top 5.
Even with Paulie shouting, "Defense!" like he's watching a college basketball game, do you remember what's going on during the fight? Mickey's dying in a locker room. Yeah, this fight's got layers.
3. Creed vs. Ivan Drago (Rocky IV)
"If he dies, he dies."
This fight. The intro leading up to the fight itself is almost better than any other fight here, but the entire spectacle makes this movie worthwhile.
Creed had no business here, and he paid with his life. If you want to look at this fight as another one with layers, well, Rocky battles internally with whether or not to throw in the towel.
This is basically like watching Peyton Manning play football nowadays, and if for nothing but this scene, we're happy that he's ridin' the bench.
2. Rocky vs. Ivan Drago (Rocky IV)
You were expecting to see the fight? Yeah, good luck finding both parts consolidated into one video. Instead, we're bringing you the most golden, rich part of the film.
This. Training. Montage.
We wholeheartedly believe this movie was made for this nearly-8 minutes of cinematic gold. It's like American Man vs. Russian Machine. Look at all the mashups of technology! Look at the running! The snow! The test results! The steam! The Muscle! Chopping wood! Barn training!
The fight itself is definitely the second best fight in the series. Rocky picks Ivan up and slams him to the floor (a move he picked up from Thunderlips, no doubt). Rocky smashes Ivan, and America definitely needed a cinematic representation of America absolutely destroying Russia in a fist fight.
1. Rocky vs. Apollo Creed (Rocky I)
Part of what makes this new Creed movie so great is the lack of focus on stardom and its consequences. Sure, his son grapples with the issue of namesake and legacy, but it's nothing like any of the other sequels. There's nobody fighting for relevance. It's all about security and integrity.
That's what makes the first Rocky movie one of the best boxing movies of all time. There's nothing but a guy who wants to fight another guy-- maybe, you know, if it's convenient.
The editing and cinematography are both very gritty, and it works perfectly with the time and setting. This fight is no different, and it's before the orchestra music went rogue and undermined every fight scene and montage after it. It's just the best.
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[Feature Image Courtesy ComicVine]