The holidays are approaching.
Within the next few weeks, you'll probably have a lot of awkward familial responsibilities like attending family dinners with your long lost aunts and uncles.
Because these people you're forced to associate with are family, the typical societal boundaries and manners (according to them) don't really apply.
Therefore, it's more than acceptable for them to ask you inappropriate questions.
Some of these questions will make you want to smash their faces into the cheap canned gelatinous cranberry sauce that they brought to dinner. But you're not going to do that because you're a fine, upstanding member of society who can handle their temper and doesn't ask overly personal questions.
So to fine-tune your sense of self-control, we've listed some of the most annoying, invasive questions that your family members might ask you.
If all else fails, just remember that you can easily buy another can of cranberry sauce from the corner store.
1. When are you going to get a job?
You're going to hear this one regardless of whether or not you have a job. Your drunk uncle is probably going to laugh when you tell him your actual profession, and then say, "No, I meant when are you going to get a real job."
[anad]
You may be sending out ten resumes and cover letters a day with the hope of one interview in the attempts to acquire a job, but your drunk uncle isn't going to understand.
2. When are you going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Uh, when you meet someone who isn't sending d*ck pics on the reg, or just looking for a quick hook up? Or maybe you don't want one right now, maybe you just want to let yourself explore your options.
Maybe you're more concerned with climbing that corporate ladder and don't have time for a relationship right now. Regardless, you're pretty screwed with this question. Smile, laugh, and hope to God that your Aunt doesn't want to set you up with her co-worker's son/daughter.
3. When can I meet your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Uh, maybe when you want to scare them away because they'll realize your family is crazy?
Essentially, this is a fishing question. They pretty much want to know how serious you two are. Maybe you just met your significant other a couple of weeks ago and only just started dating?
Meeting the fam is a big step. Especially if they're crazy. And drunk. Although, sometimes meeting the crazy family when all parties are drunk helps alleviate some of the weirdness. But if your significant other can accept your family, you're golden.
4. Where's the ring? When are you two going to finally get married?
So lets just say you've been dating eight years. You may have heard this question fairly often.... think any family event. It gets really, really annoying really fast.
Just tell them that you aren't going to invite them to the wedding if they keep asking. Guaranteed they won't, and your mom will probably tell you to apologize to them.
[anad2]
When you get asked this question in front of your significant other, it's pretty darn awkward. Especially if that's the first time your family is meeting them. Just hope that you both can smile and laugh it off.
Then seriously hope that your partner doesn't get spooked or way too attached to the idea of walking down the aisle before you're ready.
5. When are you going to start giving me grandkids? You know you're biological clock is ticking...
Oh, thanks, ma! You're well aware of your biological clock! You're also well aware that you can barely afford cup noodles that you feed yourself while chugging box wine in your ratty studio apartment binge watching Orange is the New Black, and realizing that even in prison, those ladies are cooler than you.
How in the world does she think you can care for a child?
No, just no.
,6. What exactly do you do for a living?
You're awesome for a living. That's what you do.
[anad]
Mic drop.
7. When are you planning on moving out?
Have you heard how high rent is in NYC? Why on earth would you move out if you have the opportunity to live rent free with your parents?
Don't move out. It's a trap.
8. Have you heard that (cousin that can do no wrong) graduated top of his/her class from Harvard?
Get ready for the snide, backhanded comments that you know are coming...
Sure, your aunts, uncles, grandparents, whomever, are proud of said cousin who may or may not flaunt their accomplishments in your face. Heck, you're probably proud of them too.
But no matter what, your relatives usually find some way to make your cousin's (brother's/sister's/whomever's) accomplishments make your own accomplishments seem like child's play. You just can't live up to them.
Just don't try. Be the bigger person. Smile, say how proud your are of them, and turn the conversation into something else. Know that you have had a kick ass year, and your cousin was probably a miserable nerd for four years with no social life anyway.
So there. Your life sounds a lot better now, doesn't it?
9. When are you going to stop being gay?
This is one that you'll probably be asked if you've come out. No matter what, your ultra-conservative, ultra-drunk uncle will probably frown upon your life choices and make his opinion known.
But guess what? It's your life. You can engage in whatever kind of sexual activity that you and your partner are comfortable with. And his opinions have no real impact on your life A) because he's your uncle, and B) he's drunk.
10. You don't live together right? Because pre-marital sex is wrong...
Yea. Okay, Grandma. You've been dating for years, but you're separately paying thousands of dollars of our hard earned cash on two different apartments in NYC because you're stuck in the past.
[anad2]
First off, if you're saving it for marriage, great! If you aren't, that's also great! It's your decision, and yours alone. Sure, you can be like us and tell Granny that you're totally sleeping in separate spaces while splitting the rent for that one bedroom apartment. What she doesn't know won't hurt her.
11. Do you drink like this ALL the time???
No... only when you get asked silly questions like these.
Check out 7 Moments When You Finally Realize You're a Real New Yorker.
[Feature Image Courtesy CNN]