Tumblr Hilariously Imagines NYC Brokers with Bodegas

Nobody likes getting swindled. And in New York City we get especially pissed when it happens, because we're supposed to "know better."

Examples may include buying scalped Broadway tickets at a 500% markup, paying $14 for a pack of smokes when the bodega across the street has them for $8, or, and this is especially infuriating-- when the cabbie takes you the most roundabout route and acts like it's your fault for not giving directions.

So we can say with 99.9% certainty that everyone will agree with us: eff that noise.

Now what's the most vile and disgusting form of swindling we encounter regularly in the City? Real estate brokers. Sure, there are many good ones that are very helpful and honest. But there are far too many that are neither good nor honest.

When the nefarious many outweigh the few good, we come to the proverbial crossroads and choose to trust nobody. Except for Oliver. Their app makes it so you don't have to judge the character of a broker because Oliver takes them out of the equation when finding a place to live.

Brokers are notorious for playing up the minimally positive attributes of properties and apartments so much so that people are accustomed to assuming certain words are, well, bogus is the kindest euphemism we can think of. Examples?

How about "cozy." If you ever read the word "cozy" in an apartment description, you're looking at a listing for a closet. Better yet, "handyman's dream." If they describe anything with words including "fixer,' 'upper,' handyman,' or 'dream,' they're trying to rent you a place that's falling apart.

Don't fall for it. If you have fallen for it in the past, you know how it goes. Find a better place and sublet the crappy one. It's not necessarily legal, but sanity measures above legality on the scale of important things.

With all of that in mind, some genius going by @brillospad whipped up a Tumblr on bodega items as they would be described by skeevy brokers.

This is the one instance in which you'll laugh at being lied to. Check them out, like the loosie being sold as "single unit cigarette." Golden. Laugh a little, then download Oliver here so you never have to worry about certain scum of the Earth using skeevy double talk.