In New York City, we've got to get around. Since none of us have cars, we have to get out of the city somehow.
How do we do this? Well, by buses, trains, and boats, of course. Of course, we have to meet these buses, trains, and boats somewhere. Which is when our transportation hubs come in.
It seems odd to us that we have such a disproportionate ratio of excellent to terrible transportation hubs. Why is Grand Central a shrine to everything beautiful while Port Authority is run down, confusing, and horrible?
We don't have the answers to these questions, but we do have extensive experience traveling out of the city from all of the places listed below.
So, we decided to put our expertise to use. We ranked them. Read on to find out our ranking of NYC's transportation hubs below.
Mad props to the Staten Island Ferry. Hey Staten Island Ferry, congratulations on scoring our top spot on this list.
Of course, we know the Staten Island Ferry does not bring us out of NYC. We are well aware of that fact. However, we wanted to shout out the Staten Island Ferry for its unparalleled excellence.
Let us tell you what we mean. The New York Harbor is gorgeous. The Statue of Liberty is iconic. The NYC skyline is stomach dropping, breathtaking, and gorgeous. So panoramic views of all three? Sign us up. Panoramic views of all three, for free?
Uh, yeah. If you haven't ridden the Staten Island Ferry yet, you're messing up. Here's a little-known fact. You can drink on the Staten Island Ferry. Their beers, at $3 or $4 a pop, are absurdly cheap. Plus, their 25-minute boat ride is the perfect length.
We really can't say enough about how excellent the Staten Island experience is.
Grand Central is a heavenly palace, and everyone knows this. Why, you ask? Well if you've been to Grand Central, you wouldn't be asking this, but we'll let you know anyway.
They've got miles and miles of marble, modeled off the public baths in Rome that were built 1,800 years ago, and a daytime planetarium with 2,500 stars, 59 of which are illuminated. Is that not enough for you?
How about their Apple Store, with the highest tech gadgets for sale, and miraculous availability when it comes to scheduling appointments. How about their very excellent food court, with Shake Shack galore.
If you've got a train out of Grand Central, you can thank your lucky stars. Yes, you can thank the stars on Grand Central's ceiling. We're pretty sure they work for wishes.
3. JFK Airport
JFK is pretty excellent. We don't have too much hate for JFK. It's large, modern, and it's got a pretty decent food court.
Here's what we have to say, though. When it comes to getting to JFK, do not pay $60 for a cab. We repeat, do not pay $60 for a cab.
Instead, take a Queens bound E train, and get off at Jamaica. Then, take the air train to JFK. The air train is a magical, elevated, speedy train that soars above the highway.
Not only is it cheap and quick, but you'll literally get to fly over all of the cars sitting in traffic outside JFK. Plus, it brings you right to your terminal. So, we said it once and we'll say it again. Take the air train.
,4. Penn Station
If you have to take the New Jersey Transit, Penn Station isn't so terrible. It's crowded, sure, but you'll want to kill yourself notably less while you're waiting for a train in the New Jersey Transit of Penn Station much less than you will in all the other spots.
Everywhere else in Penn Station, though? Amtrak and the Long Island Railroad? We'll go, of course we'll go, because sometimes we absolutely need to go here to get out of the city.
Will we like it? Of course not. We will absolutely not like it.
Penn Station has got to be one of the most depressing places in the whole city. If there aren't homeless people washing their clothes in the bathroom sinks then it's so crowded you have to fight for oxygen.
There are only two places in the city we'd rather be less at rush hour than Penn Station, and they're LaGuardia and Port Authority.
Here it goes LaGuardia. We don't like you. We don't like you one bit.
Want our reasons? Did you really think we wouldn't give them to you?
Here they go. LaGuardia is grievously overcrowded, and everyone knows getting to your flight at all involves a disproportionately long security line and shoving past crowds to get through the terminal.
Why is LaGuardia so crowded? Well, when it was designed 51 years ago, it was designed for 8 million fliers a year. Seeing as LaGuardia flies 13 million fliers per year, we're pretty sure it's time for that $4 billion revamp everyone's been talking about.
Also, all the flights are always late. So far in 2015, only 66% of their flights arrived on time, and only 70% took off on time. We need better numbers than that, LaGuardia.
Here's our final reason. There is no public transportation that hooks up to LaGuardia besides that terrible bus we're forced to take. So, there you have it. That's why we don't like LaGuardia.
If Penn Station is NYC's armpit, then Port Authority is NYC's butthole. You know how it is. Sometimes arm pits are bearable. Buttholes are basically never bearable.
Whenever we find out we have to go to Port Authority, we dread the experience almost as much as we dread the dentist.
To start off, it's a black hole of cell phone service. Your phone will lose all connection to the outside world, and it'll systematically zap your battery. You have to wait in long, soul crushing lines to get on your bus, while you're herded like cattle and treated like less than a citizen by their mean employees.
Plus, the place is dilapidated and run down. It's confusing, we have no idea what they were smoking when they came up with the floor plan, and we hate it there. Literally the only thing we like about Port Authority are the cheap bus prices. That's literally it.
Want to Check Out Grand Central Terminal's Priceless Tiffany Clock from the Inside?
[Feature Image Courtesy Business Insider]