Having friends is great. Even necessary, imperative, required for survival. Especially in your early twenties when you’ve grown your wings, flown from the nest, and settled down on your own.
So who do you make dinner with? Who do you drink alcohol with, black out with, and bite your nails in anticipation for the next episode of Game of Thrones?
Who do you call to b*tch about your day?
Well, that’s still your mom, but the rest of these jobs are taken up by your friends.
What are the archetypes of friends 20 somethings in NYC always have? Read on to find out.
1. The one who’s slow/always late
This friend epitomizes the lecture you had in study abroad class about people who are “polychromatic,” or, in other words, can never get their stuff together to show up places at the agreed upon time.
Like, really, if you’re supposed to meet up at 7, you're lucky if this friend is there by 8:30. What’s she doing ? Is she smoking weed? Maybe, or she’s just taking her good old time, listening to music, and watching the world around her.
You’ve affectionately nicknamed her “The Sloth,” because she’s so effing slow, and really wasn’t built for this rushing around society. You love her though, because she’s chill, and you get each other. You’re willing to put up with her being late because of how great it is when she’s finally there.
2. The one who makes excuses
Really, though, excuses friend. You could just give us the truth. We know you can’t hang out, and we’ve stopped expecting you to, but we also know it’s not because you’re “taking a nap,” or because you “have so much work to do.”
We’re not on your priority list, and that’s fine, but we’d all feel a whole lot more respected if you’d just tell the truth about it. If you’d rather have sex with your boyfriend than go to happy hour with us, then tell us. We’re really not all that crazy about you either.
3. The friend who knows EVERYONE
Whenever you go out, this friend flocks away from you and your friends to the seven other groups of friends she knows in the bar. This friend is a social climber.
Be careful about this slippery friend, because she’ll only keep you around as long as you’re useful to her. Once she’s gotten you securely into her pocket, she’ll turn her attention away from you and focus on getting others into her pocket of security.
She’ll only come back to you if you give her some indication that she's not securely in your good graces.
The way I deal with these “friends” is to never provide that validation they’re so desperately seeking. That way, they always suck up to me and never ignore me like I’m the gum on the bottom of their shoe (behavior social climbers are famous for exhibiting).
4. The cheap friend
This is the first friend to make a comment like, “I didn’t eat any French fries, so I shouldn’t have to pay for them.”
This is even worse when you’re sure beyond any shadow of a doubt that she was, in fact, munching on the French fries. She also never buys any drinks or cabs, but is always happy to accept drinks and cabs.
She’s also notorious for coming out to dinner, ordering nothing, and feasting off everyone’s leftovers. It gets pretty old keeping this girl around, so don’t be shocked if you decide to shed her as the years wane on.
,5. The hot mess
Having a friend like this is essential. Why? Well, let’s say you go out, spend $100, get too drunk, go home with someone you promised yourself you’d never sleep with again, and then spend the morning puking. It never feels good having a night like this, yes?
So then you call your hot mess friend and say, “Hot mess friend! I did all these terrible things last night!”
And she’ll usually respond with something to the tune of: “Well, I gambled and lost $400, peed in the corner of a club, had an orgy, spray painted on the wall of a building, and shoplifted an exorbitant amount of merchandise.”
Did you se what she did there? Hot mess friend will always make you feel much, much better about your life, and she’s always a blast. The problem is when it comes to counting on her, she’ll usually put the party before you. So beware.
6. The mom/dad
This friend just loves planning. She must get such a buzz off planning, because every weekend she writes to your group text with a new adventure for the group planned down to the last "T."
She knows where you’re going for drinks, dinner, brunch, what bars have the best deals and what bars have the best hotties. Best of all, she’s all about keeping the group together and making sure no one wanders astray.
Why is this so great? Because it leaves you all the space to be completely ratchet and never worry about whether the whole group stays together. Your sexually repressed mom friend has that worry on lock.
7. The lesbian hottie
This friend is so gorgeous, she continuously makes you question your heterosexuality. She’s always making out with the hottest girls in the bar, and you sort of get it.
If you met her randomly in a bar, you’d probably make out with her too. It's hard for you to keep up with her relationship drama - you have no idea how she does it. But, you're pretty sure her life would make a really great book.
8. The b*tch
You love this friend because she keeps it real. You know if she compliments your shirt, she means it.
In the same vein, when she tells you your shirt is fugly and that you should take it off, you appreciate it. Because the last thing you’d want is to wear a fugly shirt.
Sometimes it hurts your feelings and gets under your skin, but then you remember it’s so much better to have a friend who keeps it real than a friend who’s fake and lies to your face. When your b*tch friend tells you she loves you, you know she means it.
If you enjoyed this article, check out 8 Types of Roommates You’ll Inevitably Wind Up Having in NYC.
[Feature Image Courtesy Tumblr]