How weird is it that after pursuing a boundary-less, potentially forever relationship with someone that included frequent sleepovers, lots of sex, and physical and emotional intimacy, you can just ... break up?
And then a person with whom you shared your fears, your bed, and your burritos would just cease to be a part of your life? It blows my mind constantly.
Regardless of how sad this is, you definitely don't want to be hitting up your ex all the time begging to hang out.
I've been in that role, and it's a terrible look.
So what are the situations in which you'd actually plan see your ex in NYC? If you have an accidental run-in, we can't really help you except by letting you know what the fawkward stages of this encounter will be.
But as for planned hang outs, read on and find out when they're cool post-break up.
1. Get your stuff back
This is the quintessential reason to see your ex.
They probably have some stuff you want, like books you lent them (that they sadly never read), a few of your sweatshirts, maybe your game of Cards Against Humanity you brought to their housewarming party (this is a hypothetical example of course.)
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A gray area is presents you bought them, and asking for these back is a shady move.
You should only do this if A) You bought them a really, really expensive piece of jewelry and you don't care what they thinks of you, B) You bought them tickets to a concert or show that hasn't happened yet, but you still want to go and don't want to bring them, or C) you hate them and you really don't care what depths you have to sink to to hurt their feelings.
2. Break-up sex
Here's a bad, unproductive, terrible-for-your-self-esteem reason to see your ex: because you're still in love with them.
You're not dating anymore for a reason.
Do not, I repeat, do not try to sleep with your ex if you're still in love with them.
You especially shouldn't try to sleep with them after they make it clear that they don't reciprocate your feelings. This will be terrible for your emotional state.
That said, everyone knows breakup sex is amazing and if you haven't tried it yet, you should.
If you and your ex have had an honest, mature, adult conversation about how neither of you have lingering romantic aspirations and yet you both still know what the other one wants in bed, and in a no-strings-attached way want to do it like the do on the Discovery Channel, then this could be fun for everyone.
3. Try to be friends
If you do try to be friends, make sure everyone's expectations are clear.
Communication is vital to making a friendship actually occur post-relationship, but it's really important to make sure everyone truly and genuinely wants to make a friendship occur, and isn't just trying to win someone else back over again.
This can be too easily confused with reason number 2, and if one person wants to be friends and one person wants to bang, someone is going to leave unhappy.
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Actually, it's likely that both people are going to leave unhappy. Don't tell them you want to be your friend if you're just planning to try and get in their pants. That'll just make them never talk to you again, which sucks way worse than being platonic friends, in my opinion.
I would like to state for the record, though, that this can be done. It might take many months and lots of fights, but it can be done.
,4. Mutual friends hangout
A neutral territory battle zone occurs when you and your ex were a part of the same social circle before you were dating, and thus must return to the same, albeit slightly altered, social circle once your relationship concludes.
This situation is tough because inevitably certain friends have taken certain sides, and are likely being clinically awkward around you and the subject of your breakup.
[anad]
The best advice I've got here is to relax, be chill, and nice to everyone no matter how they behave toward you. Killing 'em with kindness is the world's dopest strategy, and this goes for interacting with your ex as well.
Don't alienate anyone. Don't talk shit about them with anyone who's obviously better friends with them than you, because this will inevitably get back to them, and that will ruin everyone's day.
5. Closure
It's true that you probably won't be able to truly move on from your relationship until you develop feelings for someone else. At least, that's how it is for those of us who feel everything way too intensely.
Maybe you'll be over your ex before you move on with someone else, but chances are that if you've read this far then you're like me, and you need someone else under your skin before you can stop obsessively checking your ex's Facebook and wondering if everyone in their pictures is the new person they're making out with on the weekends.
So while dating someone new, someone you actually like and not just a rebound you sought for validation purposes, is a great way to get over your ex, sometimes closure is helpful.
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Sometimes, it might be nice to just sit down with your ex over Thai food and be really upfront and honest about why everything didn't work.
If they honestly explains to you that their heart just wasn't in it, maybe you can stop beating yourself up and wondering what you could have done differently.
Here's a truth bomb: if it were supposed to work out, it would have. You should never have to beg someone or give them an ultimatum to date you.
Check out 6 Brilliant Ways to Survive A Break-Up in NYC Without Going to a Bar.
[Feature Image Courtesy Viewmer]