We love going to the movies. Who doesn’t? Blind people, maybe. People who hate popcorn, probably. You're general, run of the mill, anti-American John Doe Hater, definitely.
Okay, so there are definitely people who hate movies, and sometimes it's not even the fact that they shell out $15-20 just to see something that'll disappoint them almost immediately.
The point is that there are some environmental factors that can have a serious effect on the quality of your movie going experience.
So, we’re bringing you the best and the worst possible outcomes of your NYC movie experience.
1. Word vomit (bad)
Back when Paranormal Activity first came out, everyone was saying that it was the scariest movie ever made. Obviously, I had to check it out.
Unfortunately, there was a pack of wild teenagers in the theater who would not stop discussing at full volume what kind of sneakers the ghost was or wasn’t wearing.
Also, every time something scary happened they would echo the screams of all the other moviegoers for several minutes. Long story short, I did not think Paranormal Activity was scary.
2. First Date (good)
A first date at the movies is always a solid choice, especially if you’re too young to hit a bar for some drinks. Fifty First Dates is obviously really dumb, but it’s sweet to make out to. Unfortunately, the first date at the movies doesn’t always work out.
I took this girl to see This is the End and apparently the title could not have been more apt. She said she was appalled that I would take her to a movie featuring giant demon wieners. So, choose your movie wisely, I guess.
3. Real vomit (bad)
If someone throws up mid-movie one of two things happen. Either they ignore it and the entire theater smells like puke or they tell the usher.
If they tell the usher, all hell breaks loose. Watching movie theater employees clean up vomit is like going to the circus and watching clowns slip on banana peels. It’s so outrageous that it’s almost funny.
4. Nearly empty theater (good)
Finding an empty movie theater in NYC is like seeing a double rainbow. It’s sweet but you’ll get ridiculed if you video tape your reaction to it and put it on Snapchat.
But, in all seriousness, it’s such a luxury when you’re at the movies and you can put your feet up on the seat in front of you.
5. Loud love bugs (bad)
If people can hear you making out from three rows down over the sound of Jason Bourne F.S.U. official, then you are making out too loudly.
6. Old movies (good)
Going to the movies to see a flick that you can steal from the internet for free seems like a dumb idea at first glance, but it’s actually pretty tight.
I saw Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in a movie theater like twenty years after it first came out and it was awesome.
There’s something about the giant screen and the smell of popcorn that just makes a movie better in the theater than stealing it from the internet and watching it on your couch.
Plus, it’s awesome to see a movie in theaters that came out before you were born.
7 . Sticky floors (bad)
We all hope it’s just old, dried-up soda, but we’ll never know. It’s like how little kids aren’t actually afraid of the dark, but what’s hiding in the dark. It’s the unknown that makes sticky floors particularly terrifying.
,8. Fire alarm (bad)
A fire alarm ruined the end of The Village for me. Yes, a fire alarm.
To have to wait twenty minutes outside of the theater only to find out that the monsters weren’t real was a level of torture that should be strictly reserved for the most notorious criminals of the world.
9. Movie jumping (good)
One of the best features of going to the movies is when you watch the entirety of the movie you paid for and then sneaking into another theater to watch another movie.
The biggest issue is that you usually miss the beginning of the second movie or third movie respectively.
However, there is nothing more gratifying than timing it out perfectly and catching like three movies in a row.
10. Rambunctious children (bad)
When I was a kid, I was an asshole. My friends and I would lick gummy bears and throw them at the screen, so that they would stick and possibly ruin everyone else’s movie going experience.
In 2015, little kids are still assholes and they will continue to do things like this for the rest of eternity because when you’re twelve there is nothing better than playing a prank on a bunch of old people.
11. Previews (good)
We love previews. Sometimes I’m more stoked about seeing the previews than seeing the movie. In my humble opinion, it is the number one factor that makes going to the movies better than stealing a movie from the internet.
Obviously the huge screen is tight, but the coming attractions are what the people really want. If the coming attractions are sweet, it makes the movie ten times better.
12. A fight (bad)
The people who get in fights at the movies are some of the worst people in society. The only time I’ve ever witnessed a fight at the movies was during The Notebook which is a preposterous movie to play in the background of a fight.
P.S. the fight was apparently over a girl. Can you believe it?
13. Sneaking into an R rated movie (good)
We dig that everyone reading this is probably old enough to get into an R rated movie, but when you were like fourteen this was effing awesome.
It was so awesome that we want to give you the opportunity to reminisce about how much fun it was.
14. Wrong movie (bad)
My friends and I accidentally walked into 12 Years a Slave. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a really good movie and it’s super important to watch it.
However, my friends and I were a little too stoney-baloney to watch such an intense and dramatic movie.
It’s totally normal and not awkward at all for five white dudes to walk in to watch 12 Years a Slave, however it is very socially awkward for those five dudes to stumble out of the theater ten minutes into the movie laughing like a bunch of stoned idiots.
Check out 11 Halloween Flicks You Can Netflix & Chill to This October.
[Feature Image Courtesy of ABC News]