So you’re on a first date.
Maybe you’re out to dinner or drinks. Maybe you thought of a first date idea that was a tad more creative – like a museum or a free concert.
(But please, for the love of God, hopefully you didn't drag/get dragged out to bar trivia.)
I hope my ex isn’t reading this, but what’s up with guys bringing girls to bar trivia on first dates? Am I the only girl in NYC who hates bar trivia more than any other possible date activity?
Anyway, the point is, you and your date are somewhere, on a date, and then you leave the date.
And then what happens? What are the possible permutations of the way this night could end?
1. Leave halfway through
Of course, the date may end prematurely. I have a friend who met up with a Tinder date, knew it wouldn’t work, and decided to leave before they even ordered. He didn’t want to pay for dinner.
While definitely not the nicest way to go, this is definitely the most honest, and in a lot of cases, preferable to soul-crushing small talk or lengthy awkward silences.
If you’re waist deep in a date and for whatever reason the vibes are not bumping, you might tell a white lie to get yourself the hell out of there. Maybe, “I need to get back to work,” “My dog needs me,” or my personal favorite, “I have to take a shower.”
Whichever excuse you go with, this option usually precedes the euphoria I’ve always associated with school letting out for the summer.
2. Agree to part ways
In this scenario, you and your date make it to the end of the planned activity. You order and consume dinner, maybe enduring some rather excruciating small talk.
Maybe you had to listen to your date talk for hours about Settlers of Catan, or how obsessed he is with the different types of sedimentary rock. The point is, you’re not compatible and you know it.
But you stick it out through the date. And then, as you’re about to leave, you enter into this state of unparalleled honesty where you just admit you’re not feeling it, and you both agree to never talk again.
Everyone’s feelings are usually saved this way.
3. Terrible sex
So one of you ends up at the other’s place.
How does this happen? Usually this option is only one or two degrees above the “agree to part ways” option, but there was some saving grace factor about your date.
Maybe you found his voice really annoying but he had sort of nice eyes, so you stuck around. Maybe you hated his opinions about everything but he laughed at your jokes, so you thought you’d see where the night would lead.
Maybe you just got completely wasted because your date was so lame, which is probably the most likely scenario in which a guy whose guts you can’t stand would wind up naked in your bed.
Either way, you give the whole sex thing a shot. But it didn’t go well. You couldn’t get it together. And you’ll definitely never text him again.
,4. Mediocre sex
This is way more promising than terrible sex. If you and your date have mediocre sex after a first date, there is hope for the future.
If you can get a tad bit more assertive or communicative next time, you could even make this good for both of you.
The biggest thing here is to ask for what you want next time, which for some reason is hard for us women.
Hey girls, guess what? It’s okay for you to enjoy sex too! It’s okay for you to ask ! How crazy is that?! Here, you definitely want to get this guy’s number, and “play the game” a little bit.
5. Amazing sex
If you have amazing sex after the first date, your head will probably be soaring in the clouds. You’ll probably be all about this guy, and hopefully he’s all about you too.
You’ll probably be texting each other all day the next day, sharing your memories and stories about your childhoods. If you’re anything like me, the biggest battle in this instance is to keep your imagination from running away from you.
I usually start daydreaming about falling in love and having an entire life together after this sort of first date, which is just getting way too ahead of myself.
I know. I’m working on it.
6. Facebook stalk for hours and never see him/her again
This turn of events can happen after any of the above scenarios. Maybe you had a mediocre time at dinner, made out in the street, and he said he had to go to bed even though it was 10 p.m. because he was “on call.”
Maybe you had amazing sex and even slept over, made out right before you left, and then when you got to your apartment, you went hard at stalking his Facebook.
You got several years into his photos before you realized you’d been stalking him for hours and you should definitely either stop or check yourself into a mental institution.
And then you never texted him again. What a waste of a perfectly good stalking, amirite?!
Check out 8 Chance Encounters in NYC That Never Really Pan Out the Way You Hope They Would.