You know what happens when you assume, right? You make an ass out of u and me.
Ha. But really, it's never fun when you're shooting your crush some seriously flirty texts, and you're met with static silence.
No matter how rationally you know your mind is berserk, and the assumptions you're coming up with are false, you can't help but speculate with reasons he hasn't responded.
The good news is that you're not the only one who hypothesizes that your crush has died, or that he's busy getting it on with someone else.
Here are 11 assumptions you make when your crush doesn't respond to your text.
1. Project your deepest insecurity
Whatever you're least confident in about yourself, you assume he's discovered this about you, and that he no longer likes you because of it.
It's sort of like a warped and more messed up version of the Mirror of Erised in Harry Potter (the one that showed everyone's deepest desires).
[anad]
It's important to remember here that he doesn't know about your deepest insecurity and neither does anyone else.
Everyone is too busy worrying about whether you're judging them to actually spend any time judging you.
2. He's banging someone else
It's Saturday night, you're drinking, and you're checking your phone like a maniac. You've been flirting with this dude, and he has not responded.
It occurs to you that Saturday night is the ubiquitous "Get It In" night in NYC, and that if he isn't answering you, it probably means he's tryna with some other girl.
If you weren't driving yourself nuts already, now you really are, imagining exactly what this other girl looks like, how they met, and what positions they'll try in bed. Great.
3. He "hasn't checked his phone"
Newsflash: If he lives in contemporary American society, he's probably checked his phone.
Telling yourself that he hasn't checked his phone, and that he'll probably answer you soon, only works for the first hour or so you haven't gotten a text back.
Once it hits that two-hour mark, the reality is that he probably has checked his phone, and has decided not to respond.
Oh well. You're cooler than him anyway.
4. "Maybe he inboxed me on Facebook instead"
But then you check your Facebook, and he hasn't inboxed you on Facebook. So you check Twitter, Instagram, Email, and by the time you get back to your cell phone, he's answered.
And he answered with a lot of emoticons. So you were completely stressed out over nothing, because everyone knows emoticons means he's down.
Especially since he sent the blushing, and the kissing emoticons, which are basically technology's version of a half-hour makeout sesh.
5. He got arrested
You heard that when people get arrested, they get their cell phones taken away. That could be a perfectly plausible explanation for why your "what's up?" text has gone unanswered.
You start to wonder about what kind of crime he did, and whether that'd prevent you from liking him anymore.
[anad2]
If he got arrested for something chill, like marijuana, you'll totally still like him and forgive him for not texting you back.
If he did something bad, like armed robbery, well...that's probably a deal breaker for you.
6. He Got Hit by a Car
Because what other reason could he possibly have for ignoring a top of the line dime like you?
Since he hasn't responded, and that clearly means he's been in a dangerous car accident, you start to panic about whether he's okay. If he has been in a car accident, can you still date? Or will be recovering so long that you never get the chance to cultivate a relationship?
Your move here is to stalk him on Facebook, or casually ask his friends what he's up to. Most likely, you soon discover that he did not get hit by a car, and that he just didn't answer. You're not sure whether you should be bummed or relieved.
,7. He lost his phone
So you inbox him on Facebook, "Did you lose your phone?" Which you totally shouldn't have done.
The embarrassment hits when that little blue checkmark appears beside the message, so you can see that he's read it, but still hasn't responded.
[anad]
So now he's ignored your text and your Facebook message. Awkward.
8. His phone died
You actually might have ample evidence that suggests his phone has died.
For instance, if the text message you sent him doesn't have a tiny "delivered" underneath, it's completely possible his phone is just completely dead, he never saw your text, and he still likes you back.
If he doesn't have an iPhone, you're basically flirting in the Wild Wild West, and there are no rules. You'll never know if his phone is dead or not.
9. He's sleeping
Everyone needs sleep, right? Did you know humans can live longer without water than without sleep?
So, since he has to survive and all, it's completely possible he's just doing that whole being a human thing and already went to bed. Totally plausible.
You should probably go to bed, too.
10. You're the side chick
In the case of this assumption, you start to get pretty furious. No one wants to suspect that they're anyones back burner babe.
[anad2]
What can you do in the throes of this assumption is to text your own back burner bro. That'll show him. You hope.
11. Your cellphone must not be working
Because, once again, you're much too hot to ignore.
Your friends often ask you why you didn't text them back, only for you to both discover that you never received said texts. So that could clearly be the case here.
In fact, it probably is. Making an appointment at the Apple Store is the obvious next step.
Check out 14 Ways to Get the Girl (As Told by a Girl).
[Feature Image Courtesy of DailyDot]