If you haven't heard, everyone is going insane over the Pope's arrival. All of Philadelphia has been shut down (like really, schools are closed until Monday), and now the insanity's spread to our city too.
People are dressing up their dogs, skipping work, and preparing for all-in-all holiness for the Pope's arrival on Thursday.
We have celebrities storming our city daily and nothing shuts down like this, so we're a little taken off guard. We know you'll still have to go about your daily business even though His Holiness ,The Pope himself will be inside our city limits, so we want to tip you off about his whereabouts.
Here's some general information: Southbound traffic on the FDR will be closed intermittently on Thursday and Friday. Northbound traffic will also be closed intermittently. Our main advice to you for this weekend is to take the subway.
If, however, you're insistent on driving or riding in Ubers or Taxis, we've compiled a list below for you of where the Pope will be and which streets will be subsequently closed. We've done this so you can stay far, far away from these streets.
What we're saying is, the last thing we'd want is for you to spend hours sitting in traffic and completely miss the brunch you planned with your friends. Read on to find out where the Pope will be, so you can avoid his travel pattern.
What we're really saying is that if you have a booty call in Brooklyn, you should start texting that person and you should stay there all weekend.
1. Upper East Side
inkedbyjen Absolutely gorgeous day. Came across this little shot on my lunch walk. 😍😍😍 #uppereastside #nyc #loveaffairwithnyc #concretejungle #manhattan #newyorkcity #iloveny #ilovenewyorkcity #gorgeous #beautifulday #myplayground
From Thursday through Saturday the Pope will be staying in a townhouse owned by UN envoy Archbishop Auza at 20 East 72nd Street.
We're tipping you off about the address not so you can stalk out the house, but so you can stay far, far away.
The security measures enacted around the house include concrete barriers and sand-filled trucks. These are in place to protect against vehicular bombs, but we doubt they'll take kindly to civilians with cameras either.
According to Curbed, they'll also have rooftop snipers, a bulletproof passageway, and bomb-sniffing dogs.
[anad]
One neighbor said, "It's very inconvenient for me but, nevertheless, it's the Pope."
Here are the Upper East Side Street closings. Until 11 p.m. on Thursday, Madison Avenue will be closed from 69th Street through 73rd Street on the two western lanes. 5th Avenue will be closed from 71st Street through 7th Street, and 71st Street and 72nd Street will be closed from 5th Avenue to Madison Avenue.
In addition, 70th Street will be closed to vehicular traffic from Park Avenue to Madison Avenue. From 11 p.m. on Thursday through 6 a.m. on Friday, 71st, 72nd, and 73rd Streets will all be closed to vehicular traffic from 5th Avenue through Park Avenue.
Madison Avenue will be closed between 68th and 74th Streets, too. Basically, if you're going to the Upper East Side, take the subway.
Where to go instead: Go downtown. Anywhere downtown. Better yet, get so far downtown you're out of Manhattan. Go to Brooklyn.
[via Curbed]
2. JFK Airport
Yes, he's flying between Philadelphia and NYC. How long does that flight take, a half hour?
We're not sure, but we know the train ride is only an hour and a half. So we can't imagine the flight would take longer than ten minutes.
The point, though, is that he'll be at the American Airlines terminal at JFK on Thursday evening, landing around 5:00 p.m., and if you want to avoid a trove of press and a crushing hoard of paparazzi, we suggest you stay far away.
Where to go instead: We really don't think getting the eff out of NYC for the weekend is a bad idea, but don't get out of NYC by way of JFK on Thursday night. You'll regret it.
3. St. Patrick's Cathedral on Thursday
Hopefully you got yourself a ticket to the evening prayer this evening because this event is by invitation only through the City of New York and the Archdiocese of New York.
Among other closings all throughout the day, Madison Avenue will closed to vehicular traffic from 47th Street to 52nd Street. If you don't have a car, that information probably doesn't matter to you.
What does matter is that 5th Avenue will be closed to pedestrian traffic from 56th Street through 48th Street between 5:45 and 6 p.m. Walkers beware.
If you were planning to drive into the city on Thursday evening, might we suggest ditching that plan and taking the train?
Where to go instead: Have we mentioned yet that we think you should get out of Manhattan? If you're meeting your friends for happy hour, meet up for happy hour outside of Manhattan. We guarantee you won't regret it.
4. United Nations on Friday morning
He's addressing the United Nations at 8:30 a.m. on Friday morning and delivering an Address to the United Nations General assembly.
We hate to break it to you, but this event is not open to the public. It will affect us, though.
As far as traffic goes, 1st Avenue will be closed between 42nd and 46th Streets between 8:30 and 11:30 a.m. 42nd Street will be closed to vehicular traffic from 2nd Avenue to 1st Avenue. The FDR 42nd Street exit will be closed to vehicular traffic.
Also, 43rd, 44th, and 45th Streets will be closed to vehicular traffic from 1st Avenue to 2nd Avenue between 8:30 and 11:30 a.m. on Friday.
As far as the deeper implications for global change? Who knows what effect he'll have on the U.N.
Where to go instead: Why not get to Harlem and dine on some fried chicken? Lord knows being in Midtown Friday morning is a bad idea.
5. September 11 Memorial and Museum Friday morning
Starting at 11 a.m. and concluding at 1 p.m. on Friday, the Pope will pay a visit to the National September 11 Memorial and Museum.
So here's the deal: Liberty Street and Cedar Street will be closed between Trinity Place and Greenwich Street at 12 a.m. on Friday. Between 11 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. northbound traffic lanes on West Street will be closed to vehicular traffic between Battery Place and Murray Street.
Southbound traffic lanes will also be closed on West Street between Battery Place and Murray Street. There may also be standstill traffic between Barclay Street to Battery Park Place between West Street and Broadway on Friday morning.
Hopefully the Pope can prevent tourists from treating the 9/11 Memorial like Disneyland. Either way, don't take a cab or drive downtown on Friday morning. Take. The. Subway.
Where to go instead: Visiting the culinary excellence of Queens might be your move on Friday morning, since the Pope won't be back in Queens until Saturday morning.
,6. East Harlem on Friday afternoon
theuptowner_nyc Pope Week is here!!!!! Our coverage of @PopeFrancis will be live on Friday September 25th when he comes to Our Lady Queen of Angels school in East Harlem. #popeweek #popefrancis #popecoverage #popecomestonyc #popeinusa #popecomestoamerica #popecomestovisit #popecomestoharlem #theuptownerpope #theuptowner #newyork #newyorkcity #manhattan #harlem #washingtonheights #inwood #eastharlem #catholic #catholicschool
The Pope will be visiting Our Lady Queen of Angels School in East Harlem on Friday afternoon. We're sorry to report that this event is invitation only through the Archdiocese of New York, so if you haven't already been invited, you probably won't be.
[anad]
As a result of this visit, which will be held at 229 East 112th Street between 4 p.m. and 5:15 p.m., 112th Street will be closed from 2nd Avenue through 3rd Avenue. The 113th Street Cul-de-sac will be closed to vehicular traffic between 4 p.m. and 5:15 p.m. on Friday as well.
So we'd suggest not trying to drive there.
Where to go instead: Since the Pope will be uptown on the East side, might we suggest you get yourself downtown on the West Side. Like, maybe to the West Village?
7. Central Park on Friday evening
living_out_of_suitcase Central Park will always be in my top10 places in the world.... #travel #travellife #centralpark #nyc #top10 #bestlocation #manhattan #usa #nofilter #nature #culture #september #fall
Around 5 p.m. on Friday, the Pope will be proceeding through Central Park. If this is something you're interested in, snag your tickets here. Ticketed guests will be allowed in starting at 11 a.m., and won't be admitted after 3:30 p.m.
If not, stay far away from Central Park on Friday between 5 and 7 p.m.
Between the hours of 12 p.m. and 7 p.m., 61st, 62nd, 63rd, 64th, 65th, and 66th Streets will all be closed between Central Park and Broadway.
In addition, 67th, 68th, 69th, 70th, 71st, 72nd, 73rd, 74th, 75th, 76th, and 77th Streets will be closed during the same hours between Central Park West and Columbus Avenue.
Access to Central Park is still open, but you won't be able to get into the Park between West Drive and Central Park West from 81st through 59th Streets unless you have a ticket.
Where to go instead: This isn't the first time we've told you to go to Prospect Park instead of Central Park, but this time we really mean it.
8. Friday evening mass at Madison Square Garden
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That's right. On Friday night at 6 p.m. the Pope will be holding a mass in the same spot where, last week, Madonna spanked Amy Schumer.
That's to say, Madison Square Garden is usually a madhouse, but on Friday night it'll be even more of a madhouse than usual. Well, it'll be a madhouse filled top to bottom with joyous prayer, but a packed madhouse nonetheless.
[anad2]
We'd normally advise you to say far away from Penn Station at all costs, but this time we really mean it. Stay far away from Penn Station.
The only entrance to Madison Square Garden on Friday evening will be from 7th Avenue. 8th Avenue will be closed to vehicular traffic between 31st and 33rd Streets. There will also be interruptions in street activity from 9th Avenue through 6th Avenue between 29th Streets and 34th Streets.
Where to go instead: If you must go to a concert venue on Friday evening, get to one in the East Village. Stay out of midtown. We really can't say that enough.
9. He's leaving on Saturday morning
That's right, he's flying from NYC to Boston. The flight to Boston will likely take way longer than the flight from Philly. It'll probably take a full hour.
His flight pulls out of JFK at 8:40 in the morning, and we know we'll all breathe a collective sigh of relief when that plane takes off. We love having so much holiness in our city, but we also love when our roads are open, you feel us?
Where to go instead: Well, we can all go back to the Upper East Side once he's gone. So we've got that going for us.
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[Feature Image Courtesy of Instagram]