Penn Station is great. It allows thousands upon thousands of commuters get to and from NYC from several surrounding areas every single day, which is awesome.
But, let's just be real about it.
Penn Station is the armpit of New York City.
The soul-sucking nature of the MTA often interferes in this daily commute, and is often the most prominent in highly concentrated hubs such as Penn Station.
Here are just a few experiences any Penn Station commuter is familiar with.
If Penn Station is not a part of your daily routine, consider yourself lucky. But for all you commuters out there, we give you major props. Godspeed, and make sure you always carry hand sanitizer.
1. The drunk train
The depiction of this phenomenon on How I Met Your Mother may seem like a gross exaggeration for the purpose of entertainment, but it is, unfortunately, eerily accurate.
If you're highly intoxicated, the experience is likely just one of many blurry memories from the evening, but for the stonily sober, it is akin to visiting a fiery circle of hell.
You will be painfully aware of the utter chaos happening around you, the majority of your time spent dodging the vomit of the drunken strangers and wishing you were literally anywhere else.
You’ll swear to yourself that next time, you’ll happily wait until 4:30 am for the first morning train.
2. The track posting frenzy
Any Penn commuter is familiar with this routine - all the 9-5'ers gathered around the board, waiting on baited breath to see which track their train is assigned to.
Once that number pops up, it is full on madness as herds of people scramble to ensure themselves a seat.
The ritual evokes memories of that tragic scene of The Lion King, right before (spoiler alert) Mufasa's death.
As you dodge swinging elbows and briefcases, you may find yourself with an overwhelming urge to shout, "Stampede, in the gorge...Simba's down there!"
3. Constant delays
"LIRR" and "delay" are practically synonymous. Listening to the announcements in Penn Station, you can nearly be guaranteed that you'll hear your train is being delayed, or even straight up cancelled.
You know it's bad when you start texting family and friends your arrival time in quotation marks.
4. The event
So, you had the unfortunate experience of traveling on the LIRR during Santacon this past year.
And to top it all off, although you are in no way associated with the sprawls of drunken youths adorned with felt and jingle bells, you made the unfortunate error of wearing a red coat that day.
You are now forced to rely on your facial features to convey the fact that "NO, I AM NOT ONE OF YOU."
,5. Endless food temptation
People are just straight up ravenous after they get out of work, and Penn definitely capitalizes on that.
Between the $1 pizza slices, popcorn stands, and of course train beer, there is temptation everywhere you turn.
Even if you’re not a commuter, you might want to make your way to Penn at some point, given that it contains the only Krispy Kreme still standing in NYC. You’re welcome.
6. Clueless tourists
For some reason, large clumps of absurdly slow tourists with ginormous suitcases seem to think that Penn Station at rush hour is a fantastic place to be.
It is not.
You will, at times, be resorted to hurdling yourself over people's luggage, an unnecessary obstacle in an already obstacle-ridden environment.
7. Sketchy solicitors
You know it well-- you're standing around, minding your own business when someone comes up to you asking for money, occasionally even getting angry when you decline.
On the street, you can just hurry on by, but if you're waiting in Penn, there's not really anywhere else for you to go. Solicitors have definitely caught on to this, resulting in some creative measures of persuasion.
Once you see a man go so far as to try to sidle up to commuters and put his arm around them, you’ve just about had it.
Check out 9 Ways to Have an Awesome Day on Foot in Downtown NYC.
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