So you left New York City, huh?
When you got out of our great, big city, a lot of lightbulbs went off in your head. It suddenly occurred to you that the way New Yorkers live our lives is not the way the rest of the country does.
We yell at each other way more, for instance, and smile at each other way less. We also rush more, but we have more fun. We drink more coffee, and party hard on Tuesdays.
When you left the city, your coffee intake decreased exponentially while your hours asleep skyrocketed. Your blood pressure took a downward slope, and you started only partying on Saturday nights.
Basically, leaving NYC sparks revelations left and right. Read on to find out what they are.
1. The stars are really great
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The first night you're out of the big city, you spend most of your night outside with your head up, marveling at the sky. You can't help it. You forgot stars look this good.
Maybe you miss the glittering lights on Park Avenue, maybe you miss the eccentricity of Saint Marks Place, and the stunning lights from One World Trade igniting the sky.
That first glimpse of starry night sky wipes NYC's beauty completely from your mind though. In NYC infinity thrives in the sheer number of people, apartments, and separate stories unfolding side by side. Outside NYC, though, the stars look pretty effing good.
2. Not rushing is a thing
The first time you order a bagel, you're perplexed at the glacial pace with which the cashier rings you up, hands you your change and receipt, and expects you to stand waiting for your bagel.
Really, you'd think the people behind the counter are moving in slow motion. This is also true for the people moseying down the sidewalk. It's almost like their lives don't depend on them getting somewhere at top speed.
Your emotions about this vacillate from extremely frustrated to placid acceptance. It's actually sort of relieving to be relaxed about getting somewhere.
3. Food is inexpensive
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When you leave NYC, you go out to dinner and get the check, and you're so, so excited! Dinner only cost $15!
Beers are $3, and you can get a delicious sandwich for $5. For the twenty minutes after ingesting the inexpensive food or drink, your world is bathed in rainbow light. Things are suddenly so much more possible, because they're so much less expensive!
Then you wander around in summer looking for all the free concerts, plays, kayaking and water slides, and you can't find them. You start to wonder whether your $5 buffalo chicken wrap was worth forfeiting outdoor free outdoor movies in Brooklyn Bridge Park.
Then you get into your air conditioned car and marvel about the fact that you're not shoved into a sweaty subway.
4. People drive cars
What a discovery!
Instead of trekking half a mile to a subway stop, wiping away your sweat, and anxiously awaiting the loud arrival of a smoggy train, you simply get into your personal, pleasant vehicle.
In your own vehicle no one begs you for any money, no one shoves you, no one grabs the pole you wanted to grab. It's just you, your air conditioning, and your radio station.
Except, what's this traffic absurdity? You're enraged about the fact that you just have to sit on the highway until it's your turn to exit. People actually deal with this?
5. Conservative people are out there
It turns out there are actually people out there in the world who don't believe in equality. While you were holed up in the liberal haven of NYC, you heard about the elusive specter called Republicans arguing against gay rights and the right to choice and the whole shebang.
You'd never seen any of them though, and while within the confines of NYC, it was easy to pretend they didn't exist.
Then, you got outside the city and wind up in the most absurd political debate you could imagine. You yearned hard for NYC when this happened.
,6. Nothing fun ever happens
It's true that everything outside NYC is so much less expensive, but maybe it's because there's never anything cool happening. Everyone's idea of a good time is sitting at the bar at TGI Friday's and drinking two margaritas before going home.
Also, what's with this whole "having to stay sober enough to drive" nonsense? You never had to worry about that when you lived in the city.
Even when people get together, they want to sit in someone's basement and watch ShowTime. What ever happened to actually living your life instead of watching other people live it?
The point is, you watch way more TV now. You're not sure how you feel about it, but you don't have time to figure it out because another episode of Dexter's about to start.
7. No one sells street food
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The first day you were out of the city, you scoured the streets looking for a pretzel, a gyro, the Halal guys, hell, you would've even settled for a street hotdog drenched in smog.
Not only is there no one selling delicious chicken and rice on the side of the street, there's actually just no one on the street. Just concrete dividers and fast rushing cars. The streetlights do have a walking sign, but you're not sure why since no one is using them.
If you want chicken and rice, you have to go to the giant, intimidating grocery store, buy it, then cook it.
8. Buildings are small
The buildings people in other cities call "skyscrapers" are laughable to you. They're short, squat, and only twenty stories tall.
Other cities have like, three streets where anything actually happens before you're thrust back into suburban wasteland. It's just silly that anyone considers these jokes of three streets "cities."
9. You actually can afford your rent
When your bill comes every month, you cheer. Your rent is wonderfully affordable. Your new apartment is double the size and half the price of the one you had in NYC.
You even have a backyard, a sloping back porch, and a garden. You have a hard time falling asleep the first couple nights because there's no one screaming on the streets, no sirens or cabs honking their horns, but soon the silence becomes lovely.
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