When it comes to New York City pro tips, we've got a few.
If we were to advise you in any direction, it'd be to skip these douchey bars and instead hit up these cheap bars and these cheap bars.
We'd also suggest you using these life hacks for saving money in this expensive-ass city. Here are the cliffnotes: you'll save hundreds by cooking and buying your groceries in a borough other than Manhattan. Doing free stuff doesn't hurt either.
That wasn't enough? Don't worry, we've got more. So many more.
If you want to fall asleep on the train without getting your bag stolen, wrap it around your foot. Do not make eye contact with solicitors, because doing so will invite them to approach you.
And do not walk onto the empty subway train. Sometimes it's empty for a reason. Want more? We'll just keep 'em coming. For more tips about how to totally life hack NYC, read on.
1. Use traffic to orient yourself
Thankfully for all the directionally challenged, Manhattan is a grid, which makes getting lost exceptionally difficult (yet exceptionally embarrassing). Here are some quick and dirty tips for navigating the streets.
Traffic runs west on odd-numbered streets and east on even-numbered streets. So if you're on an even-numbered street and you want to head east, just follow the flow of traffic (or walk against traffic if you want to head west). Google maps' arrows point out traffic flow, which is also helpful.
East Side avenues are easier than the West Side avenues, because for the most part they're numbered or lettered. Exceptions are Lexington, Park, and Madison. Just remember that they're the westernmost three.
The West Side Avenues are, from east to west: Central Park West, Columbus, Amsterdam, Broadway, and West End. The sooner you memorize their order the better. And for one last tip: when catching a cab, save time and money by hailing one that's heading in the right direction.
2. Decipher Central Park lampposts for directions
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A little known fact is that the lampposts in Central Park have orienteering significance.
Painted in white on every Central Park lamppost are numbers with directional purpose. The first two numbers denote what street is nearby, and the last two numbers signal whether you're on the east or west side of the park.
If the last two numbers are odd, you're closer to the west side of the park. If they're even, you're closer to the east side.
For more tips about navigating Central Park (and not wasting your time like a doofus) check out these tips on how to get around Central Park like a professional.
3. Take advantage of apps for public bathrooms
Most places with bathrooms in NYC forbid anyone besides customers to relieve themselves. And everyone knows that becoming a customer every time you have to use a rest room can quickly become pricey.
There is, however, a solution for this conundrum. Use this website to locate the NYC public library nearest you.
Or, just use NYRestroom to locate the public bathroom closest to you. This website is a lifesaver, since we all know what it's like to be in that sort of emergency situation.
4. Get a 30-day MetroCard
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At its current rate of $2.75 a ride, the subway much less pricey if you buy a 30-day MetroCard for $116.50. That may seem like a lot, but it'll save you money in the long run.
Look at it this way. Buying a $2.75 single ride twice a day during a 30-day month will wind up costing $165. Why not save your $48.50 and just eat the cost of a 30-day MetroCard at the beginning of every month? Then at least you won't have to worry about refilling your card until the next month.
Also, say you bought a $20 MetroCard. After seven rides, you'll still have $0.75 left on your card. Since that's not enough for a ride, the MTA will end up making that $0.75 for nothing. They're crafty like that.
Having a 30-day MetroCard is also excellent for being in a rush because waiting in line at the MetroCard kiosk when you're in a rush is as hellish as squeezing onto a rush hour 6 train.
5. Abide by subway etiquette
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Whilst riding the subway, it's forbidden to leave your bag on the seat, "manspread," take up a whole pole, enter the subway before riders have gotten off, and not stand to the right on escalators to let the people in a hurry pass.
It's also frowned upon to wear large backpacks, eat smelly food, and initiate eye contact.
To avoid getting yelled at by a cranky New Yorker, keep your bag on your lap (or at your feet, if you're standing). Only eat food that does not smell, and don't try to make eye contact. Avoiding eye contact is fundamental to metropolitan privacy. It's not personal.
,6. Take the subway during rush hour
If it's between 4 p.m. and 5 p.m., take the subway. The traditional taxi shift-change happens between 4 p.m. and 5 p.m., which means available taxis during this hour plummet.
Just take the subway. You'll save yourself an ulcer, a lot of cash, and get where you're going a lot faster.
Oh, and FYI "rush hour" includes the hours of 10 p.m. to 12 a.m. on weekends. The FDR and West Side Highway are as clogged at 11 p.m. on a Saturday as they are at 9 a.m. on a Monday.
7. Get cheap Broadway tickets
Paying full price for Broadway tickets is for squares.
Get same-day Broadway tickets from a TKTS Discount Booth to buy tickets to this famed theater establishment for 20-50% off the full price. There are TKTS booths in Times Square, South Street Seaport, and Downtown Brooklyn.
The Times Square booth often comes up big with additional tickets around 5 p.m. For real-time listings check out the TKTS app.
8. Ride the Staten Island Ferry to get near the Statue of Liberty for free
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In order to get yourself feet away from the Statue of Liberty, you definitely do not need to pay the $25-or so fee for a ferry.
The Staten Island Ferry is a free, 25-minute whirlwind of stunning views of the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and Lower Manhattan silhouetted against the sky. Completely for free.
Plus, you can drink on the Staten Island Ferry for $3-$4 a beer, which is a better use of your money in our opinions.
9. Carry cash
It's a well-known and frustrating fact that many of NYC's establishments are cash-only, and many of NYC's most fun bars require $20-$30 credit card minimums.
To avoid spending fortunes trying to Make the Minimum and depleting your bank account by paying ATM fees at the door of cash-only establishments, here's some counsel.
Whenever you check out at a drugstore or the grocery store, ask for cash back. It's an ATM-free way to acquire and always have cash. You'll save money in the long run.
Check out 10 Basic Ways to Life Hack the Hell Outta This Expensive City.
[via Instagram]