In the glory days of the 1990s, before it seemed so many people paid attention to trans-fat, high fructose corn syrup, or hydrogenation, the basically guilt-free snacking possibilities were endless.
Whereas many people shy away from processed foods these days, it seemed like the more processed it was back then, the more kids wanted it. The farther away from actual food it was, the more awesome it was.
And boy, was it awesome! Ignorance was bliss. GMOs? Nobody talked about that like they do nowadays.
But to put it in some context, the global economy was still developing, there was smoking indoors, the internet hadn't permeated everything, roller-blading was acceptable, mullets and rattails abounded, cell phones were brief cases, and people even had car phones!
So we got to thinkin'...
Let's compile a list of our favorite diabetes-fueling, obesity-rising, most definitely gluten-sensitivity-developing snacks!
In fairness, we alphabetized this divine snack foods of our youth. We can't, with an honest heart, rate our fondest food memories. That would be like choosing a favorite child... that is, if we ever even have kids.
(P.S., did you know spoiled NYC & Tablelist are throwing The Dopest TBT Ever, an after-work 90s throwback party at Hudson Terrace on Thursday, September 17th-- with a one-hour open bar?!
Come through and who knows, you may find yourself elbow deep in a pack or two of Gushers! Get your free RSVP right here-- or you can click above.)
1. 3-D Doritos
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If you didn't love Doritos as a kid, you were a punk. Tons of people still eat to Doritos with their sandwich, or just inhale a family-sized bag while they're baked in front of the TV. We remember fondly the emergence of 3-D Doritos.
They didn't have to try to convince us to love them, we already loved them. They're one great example of re-formatting an already amazing snack for the youth of the times.
2. Butterfinger BB's
o_its_chriss I miss you. Please come back. π« #butterfinger #butterfingerbbs #discontinuedin2006 #bestcandyever
While many can recall the introduction of the Butterfinger's rising popularity in the 90s, partially due to their commercials featuring The Simpsons, we especially fondly recall their little cousins, often available at concession stands in movie theaters, the Butterfinger BB.
They were genius because they were bite-sized, but you didn't feel like you were getting gipped out of a full size candy bar by having a "fun-sized" one.
Now, of course, we have the "Bites" line of so many major candies. That must have been 100% clearly the influence of the amazingness of Butterfinger BB's.
3. Candy Cigarettes
There was nothing like candy cigarettes to maintain a child's oral fixation until they were of age to figure out how to get cigarettes underage. Did they inspire children to smoke?
Possibly. But you did look like the most badass kid on the playground with candy cigarettes.
Remember leaning up against the swing set, bustin' out your pack, flipping the top and sliding one into your mouth? Ah, smooth.
4. Capri-Sun
jmzeh_buffalony Capri Sun, because adult things. #CapriSun #NorthCarolina #RoadTrip2015 #NewYorkToCharlotte
Those effin' straws, some people still can't figure them out. It's got to be a gene or something; you know, some people have it, some people don't. But if you've got the knack of handling this space-age children's drink-- you can relish in three sips of sugar water.
Capri-Sun was (and still is appealing) for a few reasons. First, they had a knock-off Silver Surfer in their ads, and that was cool. They made you think, "Oh if I just drink this, I can turn into a Silver Surfer too!"
Also, it felt like how astronauts drank things. Last but not least, it was one of the few drinks that didn't rely on coloring to peak your interest. Capri-Sun didn't taste orange or purple, it tasted like Capri-Sun.
5. Choco Tacos
jovannanoemy I want a ChocoTaco so bad Right noooww!! π Someone stop the paletero man and send me one to Mexicali please π#chocotaco #BestIceCreamEver #LA #Cali #MexicaliDontHaveNone #need
Choco Tacos, while a completely different food category, are almost as good as actual tacos. Actually a Klondike product, it's a little cool that they're way more awesome than Klondike Bars.
They're simple, vanilla ice cream, chocolate fudge, and a hard chocolate coating with nuts over where you think the ice cream, or meat of the taco, would usually fall out. Easy to eat on the go, and we appreciate that.
6. Dunkaroos
rebucket831 Oh man I haven't had #Dunkaroos since I lived in Canada ππ so nostalgic. And delicious.
"They're the cookie you dunk," right?
Yes.
You could dunk a Dunkaroo in as much frosting as you wanted, and it was incredible.
It's almost like someone at Betty Crocker caught their child dunking cookies in the jar of icing and made a few calls. We'd like to think that whoever came up with the idea of Dunkaroos is now a retired billionaire, because they deserve it.
7. Fruit By the Foot
There were really two treats of this type that dominated the 90s, Fruit By the Foot and Fruit Roll-Up. Fruit Roll-Ups was more of a paper sized sheet of... fruit? Or something.
Fruit By the Foot was basically the same thing but very thin, and you could put one end in your mouth and unroll the rest and whip it around like a little kid. It was great. We loved both-- and still do to this day.
8. Goldfish Crackers
Pepperidge Farm Goldfish are still at the top of the baked cheese snack cracker game. They're up there with Cheez-Its and Cheese Nips, but we think, better. They're shaped like fish.
There are lots of flavors, and you can't go wrong with that. They have parmesan, pretzel, pizza, etc. Not to mention multi colored ones, now! Let us not forget, the flavor-blasted Goldfish.
Flavor-blasted Goldfish are a little much. Traditional goldfish don't really leave a dusty, sticky layer of flavoring on your fingers like Cheetos or something, but flavor-blasted Goldfish may have went too far down that path.
,9. Gushers
yancys_food_fun_tech #gushers #candy #sweets#snack #Tasty #amazing#eating #yum#yummy #food#foodie#goodeats #instago #delicious #ff#tflers #instagramhub #mmm#foodporn #foodgasm#ilovefood#like4like #picoftheday #f4f
Of the many fruit snacks to maybe make the list, Gushers need to be mentioned. Their commercials were absurd. They were kind of scary too. Do you remember thinking as a kid, "Wow maybe I shouldn't eat that because I don't want my heat to turn into a freaky watermelon head." We do.
Aside from that, the key to Gushers' appeal is the juice inside of them that splurts out when you chew them. Some people consider that a little grody now that we're older, but we don't talk to those people.
Gushers are incredible. If you get them from a bodega, chances are they've melted into one honey-comb looking entity that is prone to coming apart when you make your first bite. Our advice is to refrigerate or even freeze your Gushers.
Frozen gushers are great to put in cheap white wine when you're getting hammered too. Don't ever forget that.
10. Jolt Cola
energysupplyco The original energy drink from the 80's & early 90's. I love how they're touting how much sugar it contains. #jolt #joltcola #energydrink #oldschool
Jolt Cola was like Ritalin in beverage form. If Candy Cigarettes caused children to smoke, Jolt Cola definitely put some kids down the wrong path in life. Not really, but, you know, maybe that's where some of them got their start?
Many remember it as the edgier, higher-caffeine version of Coca-Cola or Pepsi. This was before Red Bull was a thing, so there wasn't all that much around specifically designed to give you a speedy buzz as a 9 year old. But there was Jolt Cola.
11. Lunchables
thechowfun Some time in the 3rd grade I traded a ziplock bag full of Oreos for one of these pizzas. Life has never been the same since. #lunchables #pizza #youneverforgetthefirsttime
We need to mention Lunchables because of their ubiquity, but we think they are bull-you-know-what and genius at once.
Another instance of reformatting a classic, Lunchables reformatted the sandwich. Were you the last kid in your class to pull out a retro sandwich once everyone else was building their own out of lunch meats, little crackers and bits of cheese?
The other big winner from Lunchables was their nachos. Even though nachos are in no way a good, balanced lunch-- they were all over the place. Kudos, Lunchables; you took over the lunch room for a while and for that, we commend you.
We would be most remiss if we forgot to mention the pizza Lunchables. Cold tomato sauce on a doughy kind of cracker with shredded cheese? Amazing.
12. Mondo
the90skids #remember these? #throwbackthursdays #oldschool #mondo #mondodrink #drink #instagram #instakid #the90skids #nostalgia #childhood #the90s #foodporn #instadrink #ifollowback
Mondo, in our opinon, was better than Squeeze-It. You may remember both, but let's get technical here.
Squeeze-Its were bad because you only got one or two squeezes out of a bottle. But Mondo, we seem to remember, had more in them, or you had to at least drink them more slowly so it seemed like more.
It's kind of hilarious and gross that a beverage marketing team set out to convince kids to squeeze the bottle so hard it would blast them in the back of the throat. For them, you had to buy more to keep doing it and that's smart, but kind of grimy, no?
Either way, Squeeze-Its were cool but whatever-- Mondo is where it's at. Their bottle wasn't designed to be squeezed, so it sat on a surface better.
We remember Squeeze-Its falling over a lot. Plus, the logo on Mondo was way more early 90s and ridiculous than Squeeze-It's cartoon-ish dumbness. #Mondo4Life
13. Pixie Stix
amanda.paige.7 You fucking kidding me??? ONE BLUE ONE???? But they're the best!!!ππ #pixiesticks #disappointment #sosad #whyyyy
Another snack delivery method potentially luring kids into drugs is of course, Pixie Stix.
Pixie Stix were smart because they cut right to the point. They're just coloring and sugar, and you just pour the colored sugar into your mouth and eat it and then have another one.
Sometimes, kids would see how much Pixie Stix powder they could handle, and pour a bunch of sticks in their mouths and end up with a very dry, very sugary, very uncomfortable mouth situation for a little while.
It was great!
14. Slurpees
lifewithleme Solid purchase. The lady says i can bow get free refills with this golden ticket. #711biggulp
If any one single ice-drink comes to mind from the 90s and beyond, it's the Slurpee.
Sure, there are all kinds of variations, even in The Simpsons, but 7-11's Slurpee wins because we remember them having the most giant containers for them-- way larger than you could get at other places for a similar product.
The Big Gulp Slurpee, especially with layers of flavor, was key. You HAD to put at least two or three different flavors in there because it was so big.
Of course, it would all end up one gross thing by the end, but who cares? Nobody was thinking ahead in the 90s.
15. Surge
Surge was the Jolt Cola of the lemon/lime sodas.
It was closest to Mountain Dew, if anything else, but Surge cornered the "extreme soda" thing before we remember Mountain Dew getting in on that action so heavily.
It was nuclear green. No kid asked what was in it. (Well we didn't ask what was in anything...)
But it was definitely more of a mystery thing and it was meant to amp you up, maybe turn you into a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, or morph you into Blanca from Street Fighter.
We don't know, but it was fantastic.
16. Warheads
Last but not least, Warheads! Everyone remembers these insanely sour hard candies. Some kids couldn't take them. We knew those kids. Those kids were weak.
Warheads are incredible in the same way that hot sauce is incredible. If you enjoy your entire face being dominated by one overpowering taste, then by all means go for Warheads!
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[Feature Image Courtesy: Cosmopolitan]