This is a sponsored post. Happn is free to download on the App Store and Google Play.
Let's face it. Dating in New York City is rough. Real rough.
People are much more likely to be committed to their job, their friends, or the salad they had for lunch than to any sort of romance. That is the sad, sad truth in this otherwise wonderful city.
And you probably already know all too well that there are a bunch of dating apps to help you find love in this city, right? Right.
But did you know there's only one app that matches you up with people you've already crossed paths with? That's Happn. So really, what's different about it?
Love frequenting Housing Works for non-fiction readings? Why not get matched with someone who also goes to Housing Works for non-fiction readings?
Love getting buffalo chicken nachos at Hair of the Dog on Monday nights? Get matched with someone who also loves that. No, seriously, you can fall in love over buffalo chicken nacho excitement and then recede into monogamous bliss.
All that being said, we've gone ahead and compiled this: 7 first dates you've definitely been on at least once in New York City.
Go on and read through 'em all. Yeah, that's right, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And then download Happn. Because dating in NYC can't possibly be this difficult forever... right?
1. The "love at first sight" first date
Everything that happens on this date is serendipitous. You both love Mumford and Sons. You both live on the UWS, two blocks away from each other-- which is how you met on the first place. At that coffee shop. While on Happn.
You both hate crepes, but love croissants. You both want to marry Amy Schumer. These are random examples, but you get the point. You and the guy of your dreams have too many common interests not to fall in love.
While you're on this date you're thinking, finally, someone who can't eat eggs that aren't drenched in hot sauce too! Finally someone who will get really high and go swimming with me all day, every Saturday!
Everything that happens on this date is a sign. Everything he does or says is another reason you should see him again. And you do see him again. And date for a year. And never use that awesome dating app that brought you two together to begin with.
Just kidding.
In all likelihood, he gets an amazing job in L.A. one year later, and you never see him again.
Then you're back to square one. As in, back on Happn. Oh well, NBD.
2. The "when can I get the F out of here" first date
Why did you pursue a connection with this guy? Either he's way too old for you, way too young for you, or you just did not hit it off.
Regardless, you continued to chat with this dude day after day. Every day you'd think to yourself, "Hmmm this probably isn't going to work out. I should stop responding." Yet every day, you still come back for more.
Sometimes, you'd even initiate. Maybe you were feeling insecure. Maybe you just wanted to get laid.
No matter how it happn'd, it doesn't take more than twenty minutes into the date for you to realize you want to leave. The conversation is stilted. The laughter is forced.
Hopefully you and him met at a bar so you can jet out of there after two drinks. Jetting off after one drink is generally impolite. Jetting off after two drinks is a kind way of saying, "I really hope we never see each other again."
Whatever, right?
3. The "he looks nothing like his Facebook pictures" first date
So you walk into the bar, whirling around, scanning for the hunk from the Happn pictures with whom you've basically fallen in love inside your head.
And inside, sitting at the bar slumped over, is some dude who bears a very vague resemblance to the hottie from Facebook. He's either way heavier than his pictures, way less muscular, he curated his pictures to hide how short he is, or he put up pictures from four years ago.
When this happens, you need to control your face. You need to play it cool. You need to, at all costs, not reveal how disappointed you are. Even though you're extremely disappointed.
Jet out of there after one drink on this one. If he wanted you to be polite, he would have put up pictures that actually look like him.
4. The "weird sexual experience" first date
This date went well enough. Well, well enough for one of you to end up at the other one's apartment. Hopefully he came to your apartment instead of vice versa (try to make this happen whenever possible).
You weren't 100% sure he wasn't a serial killer, but you invited him over anyway. Why did you invite him over anyway? To this day, you're still not sure.
Anyway, he wasn't a serial killer, but you had the world's strangest sexual experience. As in, a couple seconds into the sexual experience you wanted it to end. And you're super empowered and in control of your body, so you said, "This needs to end."
And he said, "Is something wrong?"
And you said something like, "No, I'm just not feeling it."
Then, he asked if he could sleep over. And you said no. And you felt a tiny bit bad that he had to get a cab from East Harlem to Brooklyn at 2 a.m.
But not all that bad because you knew that come morning, there was someone you deserved, and someone who deserved you, and you had Happn to help you one way or another.
,5. The "amazing sexual experience" first date
Do you ever see this person again after your incredible sexual experience?
Maybe, but it doesn't really matter. No matter what he does from that point forward, nothing can add up to the incredible sex you had with them on your first date.
It all started out with conversation and light flirting. The light flirting got heavy. Then eyes started to linger. Then hands started to linger on wrists and necks, and before you knew it, your fingers were tangled in their hair.
Eventually, the sexual tension became too much to take. You took a cab back to one of your apartments, and did it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
Maybe you continue to date after this, maybe you don't. But either way your first, mind-blowing night of sex will live on in infamy, until you're old and grey; until it Happn's again.
6. The "too good to be true" first date
He's sexy, smart, and tall, so you brush your crazy under the rug. You tell a bunch of lies about your job, about your past relationships, and about your priorities.
And the date goes super well, and you share a make-out sesh in the street. And why wouldn't he want to make out with you? You told him you've only had sex with two guys ever, that you work for a Wall Street big shot, and that you live in Soho.
And afterwards you realize you can never talk to him again because you lied too many times. Seriously, your Washington Heights apartment looks nothing like Soho.
There goes that booty call.
7. The "ridiculously awkward" first date
Something happens early on, like you say something like, "I hate the entire pharmaceutical industry," and he says, "My mom works for the pharmaceutical industry."
Or you spill beer on his shirt. Or he makes you split the tab. Or conversation will just not happen, despite your best efforts and awesome conversations that went down on Happn.
Or you find out you have opposite political views. It's true what they say, that God and politics should be kept out of first date conversations. And God and politics were both brought up during your conversation.
Or maybe he's just a Mets fan and you're a die-hard Yankees fan. You don't understand how someone can have such little self-respect, but you know you're never going to see this guy again, and if you do run into each other, you won't say hi.
Check out 7 Epic Date Ideas That Take Advantage of the Glorious Summertime Weather in NYC.