Not that we like to complain when it's not frigid in our beloved metropolis, but humor us for a second: the sweltering summer heat in New York City is at times just too hard to bare. 

Let's face it, as city-dwellers, we're knee-deep in nature's elements. We don't just hop in our air conditioning car en route to an air conditioning building. 

No, we walk in a sweaty, mind-numbing hot box to a subway where we actually look forward to the "breeze" that the train provides when it passes by. 

Talk about a hot mess. 

And on those days, we just want to cool the hell off. But that doesn't mean we need to be confined to our apartment, holding our head either out the window or in front of our window AC unit. 

We're still fun, active people, dammit! Luckily, the city is full of indoor activities that blast cool air as you enjoy them. 

We've narrowed down our top 9, so next time you want to avoid a rampant case of swamp ass, you know where to retreat. 

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1. Comedy Cellar (117 Macdougal Street)

If you have yet to go to this gem, well, you need to get it together. 

[anad]

Not only is it well air conditioned, but some of the top comedians including Louis C.K., Dave Chapelle, and Amy Schumer will stop in for "surprise" appearances to test new material. 

Spoiler alert: it's always awesome. 

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2. Royal Palm Shuffleboard Club (514 Union Street - Brooklyn)

You know how grandparents tend to to play shuffleboard outside their retirement homes and/or on cruise ships? Well, this is like that in zero ways. 

Royal Palm does transport you back to old school Florida, however, by way if its faux palm trees, tropical cocktails, and "cabanas" lining the very shiny, very fast shuffleboard courts. 

Next time you visit Ma and Pa, you'll give them a run for their money. 

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3. Butter Lane (123 East 7th Street) 

What better way to escape the heat then by cooking and devouring your own delicious cupcakes?

The famous East Village bakery will teach you how to properly bake and frost these bad boys before sending you home with half a dozen. 

We can assure you they're so good, you'll hardly notice the heat when you step back outside due to copious amounts of "icing" slathered on your face. See what we did there?  

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4. Chelsea Piers (62 Chelsea Piers)

Anyone up for some indoor sports? [Insert hilarious sex joke here.]

[anad2]

Chelsea Piers is like Chuck E. Cheese's for adults housing everything from batting cages and a gymnastics foam pit to soccer and a 23-foot indoor rock-climbing wall. 

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5. Museum of Natural History (Central Park West & 79th Street) 

They made a whole movie starring Ben Stiller and Dick Van Dyke about how awesome it is to be in this incredibly, very climate-controlled museum. 

It's full of prehistoric animals, natural disaster rooms, 3-D underwater flicks, and it's crawling with insane looking (but don't worry, very dead) bugs. 

Need we say more?

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6. Escape the Room (25 West 31st Street)

Were you really great at puzzles as a kid? Did you always know it was Colonel Mustard in the observatory with the candle stick? 

Even if the answer is no to both of those,  you should still check out Escape the Room. 

[anad]

An indoor puzzle of sorts, it's a game in which a group has one hour to use their wits in order to find the key that unlocks their freedom. Oh, and it's pretty damn tough.  

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7. Regal Cinemas Battery Park (102 North End Avenue)

This movie theater could be NYC's best kept secret. The reason being, it's never THAT crowded. Well, we may have just ruined it by telling all of you that, but whatever.

But seriously, it's huge, so cold you may need a sweater, and conveniently located atop a Shake Shack. 

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8. Barcade (various NYC locations)

More than 140 vintage arcade games Donkey Kong and Miss Pac Man plus dozens of seasonal craft beers?