New to New York City? Welcome! (Just don't let the natives know you've arrived.)
It doesn't matter where you came from: Wisconsin, Idaho, Canada, or even New Jersey, there are certain realities with which you should acquaint yourself.
So here's what you should know.
You are going to feel higher levels of anger than you ever have in this city, but you will also feel higher levels of confidence than ever before.
And feeling embarrassed? New Yorkers don't really know what that means. Now check out 7 harsh realities all transplants need to recognize. And fast.
(For more inside scoop, check out what 'new' New Yorkers should learn quickly to make it in this city.)
1. Do NOT swim in the rivers
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We know, we know. They look amazing to swim in, right?
But you cannot swim in them. We repeat, unless you are an Olympic swimmer, you cannot swim in the rivers. Plus, they're filthy as hell.
It's not just because of the disproportionate amount of trash in our rivers, though that should be enough of a deterrent on its own. It's because the currents are as strong as an ox.
Many people drown in NYC's rivers each year. Even people who consider themselves strong swimmers.
So just don't do it.
2. Falling asleep on the subway is a no-go
We know it's tempting to want to nap on the subway. But unless you boarded the subway without any of your valuables, falling asleep on the subway is a bad look. (Unless you want your stuff stolen, of course.)
The New York Times reported that in 2007, 150 people reported that their wallet, purse, jewelry, or other property was nabbed while they were asleep on the train.
Falling asleep on the subway is also against the New York City Transit Rules of Conduct.
So, basically if you think you can fall asleep, get your wallet stolen, and hold MTA fiscally responsible ... think again.
3. You're going to get mean. Real mean
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Maybe you showed up here with a bleeding heart. Maybe you were like, "Aww, homeless people! How cute! How can I help you?"
This will last until you get hustled for the first time.
If you're a woman, you'll need to learn how to wear a scowl. It's sad, but true. You're less likely to get catcalled that way.
And to transplants of all genders: plastering a scowl on your face will make you a million less times likely to get stopped. Period.
4. Peeing in public is not a smart idea
Public urination could cost you. If you're caught and charged, you might wind up with a $50-$250 fine, 10 days in jail, or both.
Having an open container or alcohol or peeing in the street are criminal offenses, though City Council Speaker Melissa Mark-Viverito's office is working on a proposal that would reduce them to civil charges instead, according to the Daily News.
But since these are still criminal offenses for now, we'd recommend not doing them. Not even a little bit.
,5. You will find yourself sprinting down the street
It doesn't matter how punctual you consider yourself. There will come a time when you catch yourself at a dead sprint on one of Manhattan's busiest streets.
You'll probably be in a suit or a dress, wearing fancy shoes. And you'll be sprinting with everything you've got. You'll be sprinting faster than you ever did during gym class.
Because at this moment, your career and your entire livelihood depend on your getting somewhere on time. You've just spent the last forty minutes panicking on the subway, storing the energy for this exact sprint.
The only crazy thing about this is that you definitely won't be the only one on that sidewalk running. You'll see at least two other hustlers. We promise you that.
6. The people who play chess in the park are better than you
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We don't care if you were the champion, king, queen, or ruthless dictator of your middle school chess club.
We don't care if you beat your grandfather, your aunt, and that internet-generated opponent.
The dudes in Union Square Park and Washington Square Park play chess all day, every day. Their livelihood depends on it. And they will beat you at chess. Ruthlessly.
7. You'll oftentimes be broke...
Unless you moved here to pursue investment banking, in which case you'll probably be rich and sleep deprived.
But if you didn't move here to pursue investment banking, you'll probably find yourself broker than ever before.
Bars have covers and credit card minimums. Cabs and restaurants are expensive.
Luckily, New York City has some unique ways to earn money. You can earn some money by posing naked for art classes or selling your clothes, for instance.
And there are some key ways to life-hack the hell out of this city. You should take the subway to Harlem to buy your groceries rather than buying them in Downtown Manhattan, and avoid ATM fees at all costs.
Your bank account will thank you.
Check out Hey NYC Tourists, Here's How to Avoid Looking Like One.