In New York City, nobody's perfect. If we were perfect, we would all be well within our means, and there would be no need for schemes or sketchiness.
If everyone in NYC were perfect, fewer people would steal toilet paper, sneak shots into bars, or skimp on tips. In other words, we’d all be way less shady.
But since we live in this intense, dog-eat-dog environment where the cost of living is higher than the Empire State Building, sometimes we get a bit... shady.
So what shady things do many New Yorkers do to save a buck?
Read on and find out 9 of 'em. We can guarantee you've done most, if not all. It's all good, though. We won't judge.
1. Ask for "water"
Ever said this to someone behind the register at any fast food restaurant? Yeah, same.
And sometimes you do actually get water with your “water cup.” But if you want soda and the cup is decently large and opaque, there’s really nothing stopping a New Yorker. Besides the blasted see-through, tiny cups at Panera.
But seriously, why would anyone ever pay upwards of $3 for a soda when, with a tiny bit of scheming, you could have a perfectly delicious cup of soda for free?
2. Steal Splenda/sugar
You don’t even really need to feel bad about this.
Starbucks has so much money they can spare the twelve Splendas you snag after they just essentially robbed you for that $6 cup of coffee.
This is basically just you getting your money’s worth.
3. Steal toilet paper
We're not saying you should steal toilet paper, we're just saying lots of New Yorkers do.
Ever notice that in lots of dingy public places the extra toilet paper is padlocked inside impenetrable metal? That’s because of shadiness.
So now, in order to steal paper, you have to go to a non-dingy public bathroom. Make sure you’re a customer at the venue that owns the bathroom, because most restaurant owners hate non-customers who use their bathrooms.
This could be the very well-wishing and trusting coffee shop on your block who has all their extra toilet paper sitting right out in the open. And lots of shady New Yorkers will swipe a roll or two.
Are you the exception here? Or are you just as shady as the rest?
4. Get drunk before the bar
If you’re a poor-ass New Yorker and you haven’t tried this, give it a shot this weekend and see just how shady you can get.
Seriously, go to Rite Aid and buy the cheapest alcohol money can buy, and then go hard before the bar.
Go to a spot without a cover, and see if you can enjoy the bar’s ambiance and company without spending a single cent. If you pre-gamed right, this should be very possible.
If you want to get really shady, sneak one of those little tiny bottles of liquor into the bar with you and take a few shots in the bathroom. Or order a soda and then pour the booze into your soda.
Hey, no one said New Yorkers were perfect, right?
5. Skimp on tips
We’re not proud of this, and we’re sorry to every service employee ever.
We will generally tip 20%, but any waiter or waitress would pretty much have to tell us we're flawless and bring us water refills every minute-and-a-half or so to even consider crossing that 20% threshold.
As for bartenders, we're sorry, but no matter how many drinks we order, we probably won’t give you more than a few bucks.
We know; it’s a tough world out there, and either we're going to have enough money for burritos this week or you will. And if it’s up to us, we're probably going to keep our burrito money.
,6. Flirt for shots
... and other things. Like making sexual eye contact with the guy at the deli counter is essential for a week of good sandwiches.
You're not one of those girls who goes on Tinder dates just for free dinners, but those girls do exist by the hundreds.
What you might do, however, is flirt ruthlessly until whatever guy you're standing near at the bar decides to buy you a mixed drink.
He has exactly the time between when he orders your mixed drink and when you have it in your hand to rouse your interest.
If you get the mixed drink and he’s still boring, you will probably stop talking to him.
Just consider this tiny retribution for the hundreds of years men didn’t let women vote or own property, and it's easily justified... for one night, at least.
7. Walk right past homeless people
We very rarely give our money to the people who ask for it while we're walking to the subway. What’s even worse is that we get annoyed with these people for even asking us.
Oftentimes, we're munching on a sandwich and drinking coffee, wearing expensive shoes and carrying an expensive bag. And then we get annoyed with the starving, dirty person asking us for a quarter.
And that’s messed up... or just downright shady.
8. Unwillingly see our family members
When we text our family members for dinner in the city, it’s not because we want to see them. When we send our Uncle a text saying, “Dinner this week?” what we're essentially saying is, “Want to buy me dinner this week?”
Because we know, and he knows, that he will never let us pay. And he brings us to the kind of restaurant we could never afford.
9. Use your ex's/parent's/sibling's Netflix accounts
Yup, you've used your ex's Netflix account and their HBO Go account, too.
And on the occasion when what we want to watch isn’t available through any free avenues, we will more than likely make an iTunes purchase on their iTunes account.
This is probably the shadiest thing we do as broke-ass New Yorkers.
Oh well... we never said we were anywhere close to being perfect, right?
Being thrifty ain't sketchy. Check out 10 Basic Ways to Life Hack the Hell Outta This Expensive City.