Saying that moving in New York City is a struggle is sort of like saying that breaking your leg kind of hurt. Or like saying the Titanic was a minor mishap.
Quite honestly, moving in NYC is less like a struggle and more like a catastrophe on a grand scale.
There really isn’t much of a way to make moving in NYC fun, but there is that bright, whispering solace that once all is said and done, you’ll hopefully have an apartment you love in a neighborhood you can stand.
Also, just as hopefully, when the proverbial storm has passed, you'll still have enough money left in your bank account to have one (or five) pennies to rub together.
Maybe you'll live near at least a few decent places to eat and a subway stop within a ten minute walk. And then everything will be okay again.
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Now without further adieu, here are the 5 basic struggles of moving in NYC.
1. Finding an apartment
Finding a new apartment is sort of like finding a needle in a haystack. (But who has actually ever had to find a needle in a haystack, honestly?)
Finding a new apartment in NYC is as stressful as showing up to the first day of middle school with a huge zit.
[anad]
From brokers who won’t return your calls to management companies who don’t show up to let you into apartments when they say they will, from touring apartments in sleazy neighborhoods to touring apartments with toilets in the kitchen, you’ll really never believe the things you’ll see.
Like, is it common sense that if an internet advertisement says “three bedrooms,” you should expect there to actually be three bedrooms?
But this is no guarantee. On the phone you must say, “is this a true three bedroom?” Do I even need to rhapsodize on how ridiculous this is?
2. Sleazy brokers (and their fees)
Once you’ve given up on the apartments on Craigslist, you have to resort to calling slimy brokers.
(Some of these brokers are so slimy they leave a trail of slime behind them when they get up from their chairs.)
They’ll lie, swindle, cheat, and then still take your five grand when all is said and done. Something important to remember, though, is that they get no money from you if you don't sign for an apartment with them.
Also, brokers are not above trying to get with you while simultaneously trying to lie their way into getting you to sign for an apartment you don’t love.
Luckily, my roommates and I wound up with a really sweet broker named Samantha, who did not show us apartments drastically out of our price range nor did she show us apartments with a move-in date before the date we wanted to move in.
3. The real estate market
So, the way the NYC market works, is that you can’t really see any apartments more than a month in advance.
So if it’s June and I want to rent an apartment with an August 1st move-in date, for example, I won’t even be able to start looking at these apartments until July 1st.
This is especially aggravating because it means you have to cram your entire search into one month, while the date you have to let your current apartment know if you’re staying ticks closer and closer.
[anad2]
This is even more exasperating if, for instance, you’re going to be away all summer and you want to find your apartment before you leave. Which was what happened to me.
And when brokers repeatedly brought me to apartments with July 1st move-in dates after I'd told them I needed an August 1st move-in until I was blue in the face, I ripped all my hair out of my head. And then I was bald.
But then I found an apartment.
,4. Moving your stuff
Of course, the day you actually move you’ll have to load all your stuff into boxes and suitcases and duffle bags.
The pros: you’ll rediscover all sorts of old things you completely forgot you had, like your favorite basketball jersey or a photo of your super cute high school boyfriend. The cons: you inevitably have way too much stuff. Inevitably.
[anad]
During this stage, it’s normal to wish you lived in the sort of third-world country where having more than three shirts would be decadent. Because, really, you don’t need 70 t-shirts. You just don’t.
Of course, you have to hire a moving company. Because are you really going to carry a queen sized bed down six flights of stairs?
I mean, I guess you could, but I wouldn’t even know where to start in terms of unassembling and reassembling.
5. Unpacking
Unpacking isn’t really a struggle. It can be sort of fun, you just need to set aside an entire day to reorganize your life.
[anad2]
If you’re stoked on energy (chugging a Mountain Dew helps) and excited about making your new apartment a vibrant environment to live, you can actually have a blast during this stage.
Bump to some music, hang up some posters, and welcome to your new life.
Now, you just have to scope out the cool spots on your block and figure out what subways you need to take to get to your favorite bars and friends.
If you enjoyed this, check out 11 Tragic Signs Your NYC Apartment Truly Hates You.