Duane Reade runs are a right of passage for New Yorkers.

It can be argued we spend more time in Duane Reade than we do our own apartments. You always need to stop in there for something -- hell, even when you don't, you probably still stop in there. It's like a tractor beam.

When I first moved here, I was baffled by how frequent these jaunts became. It's not like I needed new shampoo that often. So what is it about them?

First of all, they're everywhere. You can't swing your arm around without essentially hitting the automatic door of one.

Second, and this is the part I actually find the most interesting because you wouldn't tend to think so, they're all different.

I've come to refer to the one further away from me as the "Good Duane Reade" because they have a much more robust make-up counter. When you see a new one, it piques curiosity. What will this one have that yours doesn't?

Once you've inevitably crossed the threshold, there are 6 emotional stages one may enter when perusing the aisles. Which ones apply to you? (It's okay to say all of them.)

1.  Total space-out

Seldom does a Duane Reade run happen when I don't forget why the hell I am even there in the first place.

Was it toilet paper? Detergent? Oh wait... it was the candy display in the window, wasn't it?

[anad]

Regardless, one thing is for certain: I'm forgetting whatever the specific item was, and leaving with 10 other ones.

 2. Determination 

For me, this usually happens in the beauty aisle.

Particularly, with the array of lotions and face wash. I start thinking I don't use the right skin products, and I really should follow a better regime. I'm not getting any younger!

My mind then begins to wander to images of me in front of the mirror practicing my new routine with a really cute headband holding my hair back like in the magazines (that no one ever really wears when they wash their face).

And before you know it, I've arrived at the checkout with upwards of $40 worth of eye creams, toners, and cleansers... that sit under my sink.

Forever.

3. Rage

Primarily applicable to those who live with roommates, but at some point in Duane Reade you may become resentful as to why you decided to go there (despite the fact you did so unprovoked), and that may transform into rage.

"Wait, that Dove shower gel is HOW much?"

"Didn't I just buy paper towels?"

"When was the last time she ever brought home trash bags??"

4. Epiphanies  

Every now and then, I think it's a great idea to buy my groceries at Duane Reade.

Not just the Tostitos Lime Chips and salsa I typically always leave with. Why not? They basically have all the essential food groups covered if you think about it. Plus, I could save money if I just buy that 52 pack of ramen noodles!

Let's clear this up now: This will not now, nor will it ever be, a good idea.

5. Paranoia

Typically when I'm around the pharmacy, likely picking up the my One-A-Day chewable vitamins, is when I start (internally) asking myself when my last doctor or dentist visit was.

[anad2]

When I can't remember, which is almost always, I quickly debate whether I should go to the walk-in clinic (note: this is when I'm in one of the fancy Duane Reade's).

I just as quickly shrug that idea off as I pick up some Aleve, condoms, and dental floss and briskly walk -- or sprint-- out of that section.

6. Super-human strength

Ever New Yorker grapples with the following question after a large Duane Reade purchase...

How on earth am I going to carry all these bags back to my apartment?

If you enjoyed this article, check out 8 Rigorous Stages of Shopping at Trader Joe’s!

[Featured Image Courtesy: NY Pictures]