Here’s the scene. You wake up in your bed at 10 a.m. on a random Sunday, struggling to recollect the events of the night before. You’re still wearing the tight leather dress you wore out last night, which is never a good sign.
So what are the first items you frantically check for when you wake up hungover?
Here are 6 essentials that you're always thankful for having after a wild night on the town.
1. Cell phone
This is definitely the most essential item, and I would fight anyone to the death if they tried to claim it wasn’t.
Of course, wallet and keys are important too, but your cell phone is more important than your keys at 3 a.m. on a Saturday.
If you loose your keys at 3 a.m. on a Saturday, you can use your cell phone to call one of your friends, or better yet maybe your sexy crush, and sleep at one of their places.
If you lose your cell phone but manage to hang onto your keys, then you just get to go home alone, and having a boring rest of your night. Unless the apartment next door to you is throwing a party.
You don’t need your cell phone to bang on their door and smoke with them on their roof, am I right?
[anad]
2. Keys
That’s not to say that I don’t care about having my keys. My keys are the second most integral item.
I can actually think of a scenario in which having keys are better than a cell phone. Like, if I meet a gorgeous girl at a bar I’ve never met before who wants to come to my apartment with me at 4 a.m. I do not need my cell phone for this situation.
But I do need my keys.
If I lose my keys and need to sleep at my friend’s place (or optimistically thinking, my crush’s place), I’m going to have to deal with this immediately the next morning.
I can’t do any other activities until I regain the power to come and go to my apartment whenever I please.
You know, sleeping on the street is not a good look.
[anad2]
3. Wallet
And, by proxy, your credit card. Holler if you’ve ever left a bar without closing your tab.
That’s right, we all have, and if you haven’t then I really don’t think you’re living.
That moment when you wake up on Sunday morning, and everything hurts, and you’ve just finished puking in the toilet, you need dig inside your wallet to see if you still have your credit card.
If you don’t have your credit card, you need to go back to the bar and get it. Or else, you won’t be getting any bagels from Seamless.
Actually, okay, you can still get bagels from Seamless if you forgot to close your tab, but you can’t get any coffee at Dunkin' Donuts, so.
You have to go back to the bar and get it, which is a pain at best and an anxiety attack at worst, like if you blacked out and went to six different bars all over the East Village, and your card could just as easily be at any of them.
Pro tip: check your bank statement online, see where you purchased your last round of shots, and go to that bar to see if they still have your credit card.
,4. Cash
A harrowing moment for every millennial New Yorker on every Sunday morning is the moment you rub her eyes, brush your teeth, try not to puke, and then finally muster up the fortitude to open the flap of your wallet to see just how much damage you did to your cash supply at Sweet & Vicious.
And usually it’s bad.
The only reprieve I have for this situation is that you’re not alone.
Sometimes I think I should just open a bar in New York City, because that business is lucrative as hell-- although it's hard as hell to succeed at.
[anad]
5. MetroCard
Yes, yes, if you lost your wallet you lost your cash, your MetroCard, and your credit card. But having a MetroCard is ideal, and especially having a monthly MetroCard is ideal.
That way you can get anywhere in the city with a simple swipe and never worry about the cost except at the beginning of every month.
This is a less pervasive loss among millennials on the weekends, because most of us splurge for cabs at 3 a.m. on Saturdays.
Last time I took the subway at 4 a.m. on a Friday night, I was the only woman on the train, thought I'd get gang raped at any second, and had to sit in an unmoving train for 25 minutes because of "train traffic ahead of us."
The good news is that if your drunk ass did lose your monthly MetroCard last night, you can just call MTA and they’ll put the money back in your account.
Which is very chill of them, and is why losing your MetroCard is so low on this list of priorities.
[anad2]
6. Dignity
Did you forget your dignity at Niagra last night? So did I.
I am going to go to their lost and found today and see if I can find mine, so I’ll let you know if I see yours.
Yes, I did once tell a random guy I liked BDSM. I did make out with him for an hour or so, let him spank me on the dance floor several times, begged him to go on a date with me, and then immediately made out with the next girl I saw in front of him.
So, no, I didn’t bring my dignity home with me from the bar that night, and I still have no idea where I can find it.
If you enjoyed this article, check out the 7 Fawkward Stages of Running Into Your Ex at a Bar!