Being in a relationship is great. Guaranteed sex is always pretty awesome, as is emotional security and always having someone to cuddle with.
But some parts about being in a relationship suck.
For one, you have to worry about someone else’s feelings all the time-- which sometimes leaves you with no time to worry about your own. Do you want to know what it's like to not have to worry about anyone else but yourself, day in and day out?
Here are 6 wonderful things about not having a bae about in NYC. (#singleforlife, am I right or what?)
1. Doing things alone
Oscar Wilde said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Warsan Shire said, “My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.”
I say, doing things alone is pretty awesome.
Why? Let’s say you have this boyfriend who hates the cold. But let's also say you don’t mind the cold that much. It actually makes you feel pretty alive.
And it’s the beginning of April, and you want to go sit on the High Line even though your boyfriend wants to stay home and keep warm. He’ll get offended if you ditch him to go to there alone, and you’ll be bored and feel closed in if you just go home and sit on the couch.
If you’re single, you never have to deal with that dilemma. You get to do whatever you want to. If you want to go to the High Line, you can go, no questions asked. If you want to go home and watch Netflix, then you do that too... without asking anyone else what they feel like doing. #winning!
[anad]
2. You can be selfish and not feel guilty
Why is selfishness an insult? Aren’t we most inextricably ourselves?
When you’re in a relationship, you’re supposed to buy presents for the person you’re dating. Like if you stumble upon cheap, awesome hats on Canal Street. When you’re single, you can buy cheap, awesome hats on Canal Street for yourself.
And trust me, you should buy presents for yourself. Never underestimate the power of self-love.
Of course there’s a boundary between arrogance and confidence, between vanity and self-awareness, but being self-aware is pretty great. Gertrude Stein said, “I have already settled it for myself, so flattery and criticism go down the same drain and I am quite free."
By this Gertrude Stein means, basically, that if I know I love playing basketball, if playing basketball makes me feel confident and alive and free, it doesn’t matter if someone tells me I’m bad at layups. I play basketball because I love playing basketball, no matter what anyone else says.
The best way to win a game is to love the way it feels to be playing.
[anad2]
3. You don't have to answer to anyone
If I’m drunk at a bar and meet an amazing stranger, I can make out with that stranger. And me making out with that stranger doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else’s feelings but mine and the person I’m making out with.
When you’re in a relationship with someone, or even just “hooking up” with someone, and you meet an amazing, attractive stranger, things lamentably devolve into a zero sum game.
Any affection you display toward this amazing stranger detract from the feelings for your significant other. Which is a bummer. Isn't it possible for me to love my boyfriend and also kiss the sexy boy I met at happy hour?
According to the laws of monogamy, it's not.
For free love people like me, I like to love many people at once. I like when my love for one person has nothing to do with my love for any other person. Don’t get me wrong. Once I meet the right person, I imagine it’ll be laughably easy to never make out with anyone else again.
But until then, I love taking shots and kissing randos.
,4. You develop emotional strength
Of course being in a relationship is reassuring. When we’re in a relationship, we can say to ourselves: I’m desirable enough that someone wants to date me. That can be a very validating feeling.
The problem is, for some of us; that feeling can get too validating. We can get complacent in calibrating our self-worth. And then, if that person ever dumps us or cheats on us or gets over us, it can be pretty crushing to our self-esteem.
When you date someone for a while, sometimes you forget where your emotional boundaries end and theirs start.
When you’re single, you get to know yourself really well. You find out what upsets you and what makes you feel better. And when this is a firm knowledge deep within your center, no one can ever take it away by doing something as trivial as dumping you.
Also, the more people you date, the more you’ll find out what you want and need, and the more likely you are to be able to recognize these traits in potential boy/girlfriends.
[anad]
5. You're always counted on as the reliable, great friend
We’ve all had that friend that got into a serious relationship and more or less disappeared. We all have that friend who moved in with her boyfriend and hasn’t hung out with anyone from your crew in months.
This behavior is unacceptable, really. Plenty of people manage healthy romantic relationships while still making sure their friends know they care.
But when you’re single in your twenties, you have the chance to form deep, meaningful, strong connections with your friends at the cusp of adulthood.
And these friendships are important for when you do wind up in one of those healthy romantic relationships we talked about, and you and your boyfriend both need to take the weekend off and do your own thing.
When you have to choose between your friends and your boyfriend on a Friday night, someone’s going to be left feeling sh*tty. When you’re single, you never have to choose.
[anad2]
6. Endless possibilities
What’s sweeter than possibilities? Has reality ever been as sweet as possibility?
Very rarely, and only when I was much younger, has reality ever exceeded possibility. Maybe reality trumps possibility for people with terrible imaginations, but I have a great imagination.
So when I meet someone new, I get to imagine that everything will be perfect between us. That we’ll date and fly off into the atmosphere and leave earth and fall in love on Mars.
And if it doesn’t work out between me and that person, I get to direct those insane fantasies toward the next person I meet. No harm, no foul.
If you enjoyed this article, check out the 10 Ugly Truths You Need to Know About the Dating Scene in NYC!