The citizens of New York City have a lot to say and if you say the wrong thing, they're going to have even more to say.
Whether you were born and raised here or moved here to live the high life, something in the New York air brings out our inner Azealia Banks; we just can't help but run our mouths.
Whatever it may be, New Yorkers probably have an opinion on it. A neighborhood, a celebrity, a new trend, or even something they haven't heard of yet.
So to avoid looking even more like an out-of-towner than you already do with that selfie stick of yours, here's 35 absurd things true New Yorker will never say. Take some notes, will ya?
1. "I found this cool party in Staten Island this weekend. We should go!"
Aw, I wish I could, but I actually... don't want to. Sorry.
[anad]
2. "There needs to be more cream cheese options for my morning bagel"
What's next? Quinoa kale cream cheese?
3. "February could have been a little chillier, if you ask me"
Do you want to get hit? Because you're askin' for it.
4. "Going to Williamsburg makes me feels so welcome. It's so relaxed over there"
What kind of home did you grow up in?
5. "I can't find a Duane Reade around here"
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6. "It's been so long since we had dinner in Times Square. Maybe we should do that tonight!"
Maybe we should gouge our eyes out, too, while we're at it.
7. "That new luxury high-rise will really do wonders for the neighborhood"
Concrete, metal, and overpriced rent is my favorite aesthetic, too.
8. "I just feel so much safer without the NYPD around"
There's a reason this city never sleeps, pal.
9. "Maybe I'll leave early and have a nice, gentle stroll to work"
Yeah, okay, and maybe the rent will go down this year, too!
10. "I don't need a therapist. I'm pretty level-headed"
Really? Because what you said to that crying child on the train begs to differ.
11. "That juice cleanse was worth every penny"
Is it worth a clogged toilet later tonight as well?
12. "Oh, the G train? I'll be there in 15 minutes"
Have you ever even taken the G train before?
13. "I really want to be friends with my landlord. He's so sweet!"
Yeah, him ignoring the rat problem is a real sign of affection.
14. "It's okay. You can have this cab. There's plenty more around"
Saturday night in the snow is a great time to just take in the environment.
15. "Oh, wow! Those train delays were really worth it because I can totally tell the subway runs better now"
We lurch along the tracks so much faster now!
16. "I can't find anyone to go to brunch with"
Understandable. The brunch crowd is such a nice community.
[anad2]
17. "I don't really know my ancestry"
Let's be real: you're probably Italian.
,18. "Wait until those cars pass and then we'll cross"
LOL! That's funny. Tell us another one.
[anad]
19. "There's just so much to do in the Financial District!"
Nothing warms our heart like those good ol' Wall Street suits, am I right?
20. "Feel free to walk around me. I don't want to clog up the sidewalk"
I don't think so. No one gets there until I get there.
21. "I got such a good deal on my groceries at Gristedes"
The cashiers there were also really happy and full of life.
22. "Hanging around NYU is always nice. The kids are always so modest"
Who knew undergraduate freshman knew so much about life!
23. "This road salt is doing wonders for my shoes"
We call it "busted, Urban Outfitters leather" chic.
24. "The Lower East Side hasn't changed a bit!"
Starbucks originated here, right?
25. "Going out to Le Souk always ends up being a good time"
The bouncer really knows how to respect people's space.
26. "I'm not feeling 2 Bros tonight. I want to spend a lil' more cash on pizza, ya know?"
What is this "spend more" idea you speak of?
27. "These W.A.S.P.'s really give this bar some character"
We always wanted to live in Connecticut, anyways.
28. "Watch out! I can clearly see that puddle is very deep!"
New York snow-slush made a deal with the devil. We know it!
29. "My apartment ended up being just as perfect as I expected it to be!"
A cockroach problem?! Just what we always wanted!
30. "The train conductor spoke really eloquently about why we're delayed. Good job!"
Did he say train traffic or gay graphics ahead?
31. "It's really not that hot outside"
That steaming puddle of urine says differently.
32. "I may not agree, but I respect your sports team preferences."
Kumbaya, motherfu*ker.
33. "I consider transplants my equals"
A superiority complex? Get outta here!
34. "Native New Yorkers really know how to make me feel welcome"
The middle finger means different things in different states, right?
[anad2]
35. "This city is NEVER any fun"
Regret ain't cute, honey.
If you enjoyed this article, check out 33 NYC Slang Words Every New Yorker Should Know & Learn!