This Is Why You Should NOT Just Split the Bill With Your Friends

What's better than spending quality time with our friends over food and drinks? Well, maybe yachting around the world with Judge Judy and Olivia Newton-John, but that's just me. 

I will tell you what's worse though... dealing with the f*cking bill at the end of a meal!

Personally, I greatly value my time here on the planet. I try my very best to see as many friends as I possibly can as often as I can. Unfortunately, this can get very expensive when NYC dinners and cocktails are involved.

The last thing you want is for anyone to feel completely SCREWED by the amount they have to pay when everyone does the easiest thing, which is to "just split" the bill.

I'm no fool– if everyone had the burger and 2 frozen cocktails, go for the split. Boozy brunchin' with a shared guac? Everyone pays a-little-extra but evenly split. Duh. That's all easy.

It gets trickier when someone is on a cleanse and not drinking, or someone is a vegan this week, so they can't do any apps or dessert. Or, simply, when someone just doesn't eat or drink as much as you do or, quite frankly, can't afford to.

Additionally, we all have that one friend who only drinks top shelf cocktails and throws back 6 or 7 of them over the course of the meal and shifts the whole scale in their favor. 


Here's where sh*t gets complicated. It can make people feel uncomfortable or slighted, which can turn a fabulous evening into a frustrating one. So what do you do?

The general consensus is "it'll all work out in the end"– but does it? Unless you're meeting weekly and keeping a mental note of who got the short end of the brunch last time, it really doesn't work out.

Before we get into it, I'd also like to throw out there that I've come across a new breed of mooch in my dining out and happy hour adventures. That friend who always manages to take a free drink from anyone and everyone, but never offers up when it's their turn. 

F*cked up and really frustrating. Don't even get me started.

I digress– so what do we do about this bill split sh*t?

Bite. The. Bullet. You can do it! It'll make you the better person, the easier friend, and it's the right thing to do.

Take a quick look around, you'll know who should split the bill and who is getting slighted. Find the 1-2-3 people who ultimately lost this round of eat-and-drink everything, deduct what they got, and then split the rest amongst everyone else.

Pop out ya calculators (accessible on literally all smart phones), do some quick plus-ing and minus-ing, and make it known that you're doing this to be fair– and hopefully it'll catch on.

You guys, your friends will appreciate this. Trust me.

No one is going to put up that much of a fight unless they're in a rush to leave– in which case, request their share on Venmo. Byeeeee.

Seriously though, you work too hard for your money to live in the legit best city in the world. You can't throw it away mindlessly.

*Gets off of soapbox*

[Feature Image Courtesy The Odyssey Online] 

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