You Scared or Nah? 9 Completely Absurd Things Only New Yorkers Are Afraid Of

Don't get us wrong, everyone who lives in New York City is substantially tougher than anyone who lives anywhere else. That's just the reality of living here.

However, and we'll be the first to admit this, there are things we're afraid of. We're just thinking that maybe we're the only ones who actually have these fears.

Like, people who live in other places aren't afraid of the words "It's showtime," or "planned service change" the way we are, are they?

Other people who live in other places aren't scared of radiators and air conditioners, and they definitely aren't afraid of seeing a "B" in a restaurant's window.

So, no matter how tough New Yorkers seem, we're scared of stuff too. It just isn't the same stuff everyone else is afraid of.

Read on to find out what you're only afraid of if you live in NYC.

1. "Please swipe again"

juliussermonia When your hips hit the turnstile [hard] and this appears... #Worst #PleaseSwipeAgain #firstworldproblems #mta #nyc #fails πŸ˜£πŸ˜£πŸ˜£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Are people who live in other places so afraid of these three little words? We're guessing not.

We're also guessing people who live in other cities don't understand these words' ramifications, either. When these words are flashed at us, it might mean we're going to be late. We're going to miss the train, and then we're going to have to wait (at least) six minutes for another one.


Another point of fear is that when the machine shows us these words, it might appear to everyone around us that we're amateur at swiping MetroCards, which we most assuredly are not.

Are these three of the scariest words in any New Yorker's vocabulary? Probably. The only three words we can think of that rival these in scariness are "planned service change."

2. Falling through a cellar door

photohustler Under the doors. 2015|NYC

Here are the facts on these cellar doors: They're the legal responsibility of the property owners, so the only time we really need to worry about them is when they're stationed outside vacant buildings.

There are no city records of how many people fall through cellar doors each year, but we do know that it happens. We also know that the number of these incidents is minimal.

Still, it's enough for us to avoid them whenever possible. We don't gain anything from stepping on them, so how about we just not?

3. Time Warner Cable

pigandkhao Please call for per usual we cannot take @opentable reservations because @timewarnercable is the worst company ever in the history of existence! πŸ˜‘πŸ˜€πŸ˜’πŸ˜€πŸ‘ΊπŸ’©πŸ‘ΉπŸ‘ŽπŸ½ #Ftimewarner #worstcompanyever #timewarnersucks #ihatetimewarner #Fthisholdmusic #howisthisreal #doesanyonelikethesemorons #wasteoftime

Hey Time Warner, we hate you. We're not even afraid to say it. We really, really don't like you.

Also, yeah, we're slightly afraid of you. Our ability to access the internet in our apartments does, for a large part, depend on you.

So it scares us when we have to call you on the phone. We're afraid you'll leave us on hold for dead, and make us wait there for 45 minutes before you grant us the privilege of speaking to a human on a phone. 

We're afraid you'll give us a six-hour window when you send anyone to our apartments, get slower than you already are, and charge us way too much at the end of every month.

So yeah, it's fair to say we have a fraught, occasionally terrifying relationship with our cable provider. 

4. The radiator conundrum 

devilhiker09 Chicago #travel #adventure #chicago #chitown #expirate #piratelife #visitingfamily #cousins #train #amtrak #imflyinghome #radiator

Here's the radiator conundrum, deconstructed. We're guessing in other cities and towns, there are fancy thermostats with which people have the luxury of choosing what temperature they'd like their apartment to be.

For us, in this city, that's not the case. We get the choice between having our heat on or off, and no choice in between. 


So we can either have glacially cold apartments or hot-as-hell apartments, and we have no middle ground whatsoever. Which, as you may have guessed, makes us pretty afraid of the radiator conundrum. 

5. The end of the month

kekemichele Oh wait...This #RentCheck ain't it! πŸ˜’πŸ˜•

Okay, maybe people in other towns get scared for the end of the month. We're guessing everyone hates paying their rent, even though their rent prices are laughable compared to ours.

Okay, we'll hand it to San Francisco, the only city that costs more to rent in than NYC. San Francisco, maybe you get more afraid at the end of the month than we do, but to everyone else: we're more afraid of our rent bill than you are. We promise.


6. Getting hit by an air conditioning unit

chapinnyc #ac #windowac #windows #nycbuildings #summer #nyc

So, we all have all these self-installed window air conditioning units which really don't help when it comes to assuaging our fears that one of them won't fall and hit us on the head.

Like, we know we didn't try that hard installing ours, which makes us pretty nervous about all the strangers we're putting our trust in when we walk below their windows. 


Still, we do have some good news, which is that there are zero confirmed death-by-air-conditioners in NYC's public records.

There have been injuries, there have been $21 million lawsuits, but as we said, no deaths. So that's definitely a plus. Also, yeah, we're probably the city with the biggest air conditioner phobia.

7. Restaurants with B's

coffeemob A!!! Proudly displaying this in our window today! Thank you NYC! #nychealthdepartment #agrade #a #perfectscore #nyc #brooklyn #espresso #newkirkplaza #downtownditmas #1514newkirkave #canttouchthis #coffeeshop #foodporn #coffeeporn

Well, actually, this type of grading system isn't exactly commonplace around the country, so in other cities, you're sort of blissfully unaware about the health policies of certain restaurants.

Coming back to one of your favorite, most beloved haunts and being slammed with the sight of a green "B" in the window? Well, that's downright petrifying.

Enjoying a delicious meal in any cafe, diner, or restaurant, just to leave and catch sight of a "B" in the window? Yeah, that's horrifying. it's almost as horrifying as finding out one of our friends got food poisoning from Seamless chicken.

We said almost as horrifying, okay?

8. Getting kicked in the face by a subway dancer

messysorandom This has to be the funniest sign I've ever seen on the train, Even the MTA knows who ya are #nyc #Dtrain #Showtime #PolesAreForYourSafety #Subway #Trains #TrainCarts #ItsShowtime #lmmfao #ByeFelicia #funny #ad #MTA #NYCSubway #NYCShowtime

How many people in other cities have an actual fear of getting kicked in the face?

We're guessing a reasonable poll of any humans, with any human sensibilities would report that the prospect of getting kicked in the face would be scary.


However, we're the only ones who actually have to deal with the possibility of getting kicked in the face as a reality. 

The words "it's showtime" trigger us in the direction of fear. That's just the reality. 

9. Absurdly large rats

wellandgoodnyc Lessons learned from #pizzarat #iamwellandgood

Plus, you know, pigeons, mice, bedbugs and termites. Just the wildlife we have to contend with in NYC!

Maybe people who live elsewhere are afraid of deer running into their cars, or like, getting eaten by lions, but we have no such fears.

Sure, we may have gotten to a point where we could reasonably coexist with rats, but that doesn't stop us from maintaining a minor fear that one will bite us, or, you know, steal our pizza. You feel us, right?

Check out 7 Ways to Actually Keep Your New Year's Resolutions This Year in NYC

[Feature Image Courtesy Instagram] 

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