It has become the one thing that we now, ironically, all seem to hate. Love was once about finding your soul mate, a somewhat innate drive in all of us as primal beings. However, love has now become this practice of the overly-optimistic that’s looked down upon by seemingly the rest of the population.
While this outlook on love may seem depressing (and it is), could anyone blame modern society for having no desire to conjure up the energy to put up with another person on this overpopulated earth?
But why all the hate? As children, we learn that love is this beautiful bond that is bound to find its place between two people no matter one’s shape, size, or history. I mean, it’s pounded into our heads during our developing years:
“The princess is sad and alone, the prince makes said princess happy, they overcome adversity because their love knows no bounds, and they live happily ever after.”
So if this thing called love is so magical, then why does no one nowadays have any desire trying to pursue it?
Well, the answer came to me the other day when I was at home making dinner for myself. While I was between rotating some homemade fries in the oven, and flipping turkey burgers, I was planning a date.
The text messages on his end were enthusiastic, and full of emotion, while almost all of mine were pretty curt. I realized that my answers to any questions such as “so when are you free?” were either vague AF, or I completely avoided them.
And then I realized that I have no desire to go on this date or pursue any relationship in general for that matter. But why? There was nothing inherently wrong with this person who was trying to form a potentially meaningful bond with me.
So what is it with me, and the rest of the population in general, being so closed off to the idea of finding love?
1. We’re all broke
*Sigh* Don’t you miss the days where you could just give the apple of your eye a heart-shaped paper valentine, and some chalky heart candies engraved with some cute little pickup lines, and that was enough to show your love?
However, that’s not that the reality of our situation people and that “Hello Kitty” Valentine ain’t gonna cut it. In today’s world, the more you spend, means the more you love. Let’s look at it like this:
Scenario 1: You go out and buy your girl/boyfriend their favorite chocolates from their favorite overpriced bakery that they wish they could indulge in every day, but they can’t justify the price.
Scenario 2: You buy your significant other a brand new iPhone X that they didn’t even ask for, or need.
While the former scenario indicates a demonstration of thoughtfulness and sincerity, the modern American would probably say that anyone willing to pay for an iPhone X must love their significant other more.
Why? Because of the higher price tag. In other words, spend more, love more. So excuse me if I don’t feel like spending my hard-earned cash on making someone love me when I don’t even like people that much anyway.
2. Modern Dating SUCKS
Remember in 2011 when online dating started to take off, and our parents would start off every sentence with “Back in my day, we had to APPROACH people…” yadee-yadah, you know the rest.
Maybe I rolled my eyes at them back then, but the more, and more technology facilitates our interactions, the more I realize I wish I grew up in their generation.
I’ve come to realize that technology has come to view each other as disposable beings, rather than humans with actual feelings who are continually developing. Dating apps have created this mindset where if you don’t like someone just “swipe left,” or revisit that grid of profile pictures, instead of attempting to grow with someone and form connection.
The more I think about it, the more I realize we are one overly-intrusive algorithm from a real-life “Black Mirror” episode.
3. We’re stressed AF
Love was once this thing that was supposed to bring enjoyment and fulfillment to our lives, but then some things happened. Bills, rent, a job, or two, or three; and then you throw on finding time for actual self-care and mental health, and BOOM, who TF has time for, yuck, feelings.
Those bills are multiplying, that rent is doubling annually, those jobs are becoming harder to come by, oh and our governmental system SUCKS.
Love is EXPENSIVE, and it’s HARD; no matter how easy technology tries to make it. So why would anyone try to put any effort into forming a meaningful relationship, when a million things are vying for our short attention spans?
I do know that “special bond” isn’t about to stimulate the economy or put food on my table.
Okay, let’s take a step back for a hot second. Millennial cynicism, and deprecating commentary aside, what about us remaining hopeful romantics? What about those who still actually WANT to find love?
Well, first of all, I envy your optimism, second of all, remember what love truly means.
Picture yourself with that one person who you know will lay down and die, or stand up and kill for you. That one person who, if everything else fell away, and all that was left was you two in a vast void, the connection between you two would be sufficient to fill what is now missing.
Love should make you yearn to grow with someone, and strengthen their weaknesses, not view them as burdens. Love should come without a price tag or contrived external forces, and with a desire to bring fulfillment to another’s life.
It is a two-way street that is neither hard, nor easy; not perfect, nor unnatural. It is an innate, primal force, which despite all the BS that surrounds us, is in all of us, and will find all of us; inevitably and regardless of any attempted avoidance.
And that’s as much seriousness I have to offer at this moment.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. ❤️