Welcome to 2016, New Yorkers.
Are you still reminiscing about how epic the end of your 2015 was? We hope so. Because if you haven't noticed, it's no longer the holiday season. It's time to get back to reality.
Welcome to January: the Monday of months, the month where you realize that the season of overindulging is over and has left you broke, bloated, and burned out.
January really is the worst month of the year. You realize that you spent too much of your savings on gifts that people will probably never even use, or you threw a massive party and are left with the cleanup, repairs, and costs of alcohol and debauchery.
Not only that, but everyone and their grandmothers are pushing healthy habits. You can't hit up Facebook or Twitter without someone talking about their "New Year: New You" regimen to get you in physical or financial shape in 2016.
Look, we're all for some self-improvement, but after the gluttony of December, it's a pretty depressing month. Read on to find out why.
1. No holidays
After the joyous, semi-controlled festive chaos of the holiday season, it's severely depressing to come out on the other side with stores replacing lights and little elves with pink and red hearts and chocolates in preparation for the WORST holiday of the year: Valentine's Day.
Not only do you recognize that the season of overindulging is completely over for the year, but you also are left with the unfortunate realization that you have no upcoming days off, unless you get MLK day off, in which case, we're severely jealous.
2. Post holiday depression
'Tis the season to regret that extra cup (or 6) of eggnog and stuffing your face with your third helping of bread pudding before spending the last of your savings on your New Year's Eve blowout party.
"New Year, New You" actually means a broke, hungover, bloated you that's fifteen pounds heavier than 2015. Welcome to 2016.
3. New Year's resolutions
You've made them and broke them in the past, but this year you're determined to keep up with your resolutions to become a six-pack-ab'd vegan who volunteers their time more and tries to advance their lives with meditation and yoga-- which you sign up for with your first paycheck of the month.
Come January 31st, you'll still be the same, overweight carnivore who blew all of their money on a hot yoga membership before realizing that you may die of heat exhaustion and/or tear every muscle in your body attempting to shape yourself into a pretzel. Just don't make resolutions.