The New York Times has a long list of celebrated food critics who have been reviewing New York City's food industry for decades. 

One particular food critic, Pete Wells, recently reviewed Times Square's Señor Frogs on New Years Eve. 

Let's just put it this way: the food was average, but Mr. Wells stated that he" had more fun at Señor Frog's than at almost any other restaurant that has opened in the last few years." 

Unfortunately for Thomas Keller's fine dining restaurant Per Se, Pete Wells had some... less than kind words for the Three-Michelin-star spot that costs $325 per nine-course tasting meal. 

And by less than kind, we mean some pretty scathing, yet entirely eloquent remarks formed from his three meals in the last couple months.

Pete Wells reduced Per Se from a four-star New York Times rating to a measly two stars, stating that his meals ranged "from respectably dull at best, to disappointingly flat-footed at worst." 

Some of our favorite zingers from Pete Wells' review include the fact that he called cooked romaine lettuce "a dismal green pulp... crunchy and mushy at once." 


He goes on to state that the mushroom potpie could have been improved by "draining off the gluey, oily liquid" that was "turning [the dish] into a swampy mess."

Fortunately for us readers (who cannot afford a meal at Per Se let alone have the gall to criticize it), Mr. Wells was only warming up. 

Amid brilliantly worded negative remarks about the less-than-sub-par food at the highly lauded Per Se, our absolute favorite critique was of the yam dumpling course. 

soundjar If you like potatoes.. #csimagery

Mr. Wells stated, "I don't know what could have saved limp, dispiriting yam dumplings, but it definitely wasn't a lukewarm matsutake mushroom bouillon as murky and appealing as bong water." 

Did a New York Times food critic just compare a dish to bong water? Yep, he did, and we're inspired. 

In our book, we'd much rather hit up Señor Frogs than Per Se thanks to Mr. Pete Wells' reviews... and our wallets certainly thank him for that. 

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[via The New York Times] [Feature Image Courtesy The Daily Meal]