Tinder is a pretty crazy social phenomenon.
Well, it’s been around for a few years, so maybe it’s not technically a phenomenon, but you get what we mean.
Anyway, most dudes that use Tinder just swipe right to every girl until they run out of likes and then sort through the matches afterward.
That’s the most efficient way to use Tinder and most dudes have figured that out by now. So, keep that in mind when playing on Tinder.
But, nonetheless, on the off chance that there are some people out there who don’t play Tinder that way, then here is some advice to help out your Tinder game.
1. Preposterous likes/dislikes
shelbymaxine Story of my life 😂😆 #Tinder #Funny #TinderJokes #Likeforlike #TinderLikes #Tinderdate
This is NYC so people have eccentric interests. That’s a given and we’ve got no problem with that. The problem is when girls put something like “I like pretty skies.” That’s an absurd thing to like.
Well, it’s actually a normal thing to like. It’s like the most normal thing to like in the entire world. What’s crazy is that you thought it was reasonable to mention in your Tinder profile. That’s like saying, “I like oxygen.” No duh, dude, it’s essential for survival.
Along those same lines, when we see something like, “I hate Mondays.” It makes our blood boil. Everyone hates Monday. People from every country in the world, every walk of life, hates Monday.
The only reason you should mention Monday in your Tinder profile is if you think it is the best day of the week. Which, in that case, means you are certifiably insane, but still better than saying you hate Monday.
2. "420 friendly"
lunas0l27 Heh...naaaaahhh😎 #420friendly
We’ve got no problem with smoking pot. We’ve got no problem with being open about smoking pot. But weed should never be involved in your first impression, and Tinder is a game of first impressions.
Well, that might not be true. If you are meeting a drug dealer, then weed should definitely be involved in your first impression.
Actually, forget what we said before. If you want to blast your love for weed all over your Tinder profile, then go for it. But please, please, we’re begging you to stop using the phrase “420 friendly.” It just sounds so stupid, so infantile.
This rule shouldn’t just go for girls either. No one in society should ever use the phrase “420 friendly” again.
3. "No short guys"
claudia_delagarza Hahaha so true!! #NoShortGuys 😂🙅🏻🙈
This is a pretty standard Tinder move. This is actually a pretty standard life move. Tall girls hate short dudes. Short girls hate short dudes. Everybody hates short dudes.
Well, you all are the reason for dudes like Napoleon trying to take over the world. We're not saying that you should all start dating short guys or change the world or anything, but throw them a right swipe every once in a while for the sake of society.
4. "I’m this tall"
mdrefahl17 Story of my life! #tallgirlproblems #imtall #tall #noshortguys #pleasebetall
We see this all the time on Tinder. Girls putting their height into their Tinder profile. We’ve heard from a lot of girls that guys ask them all the time how tall they are, so they’re just trying to get it out of the way.
First things first, if a dude asks you how tall you are, then he is a buffoon. Dudes asking girls how tall they are must be the most insecure bozos on the planet.
If a dude asks you how tall you are, then stop messaging them back, ignore their Facebook friend request, block all incoming calls.,
5. No profile pic
courtney_bitches How does this even happen!?😳❕❔#nophotos #noprofilepic #thousandsoffollowers #followingalotofpeople #wth #soconfused
This move is straight up crazy. The only reason that a girl should do this is because she just wants to play Tinder for fun and not get any matches. If that’s what you’re trying to do, then more power to you.
But, if you’re on Tinder to try and bang dudes, then you need to have a profile picture. Look, we know we all want to believe that life is like the movie Snow Day, and one day the main boy is going to realize that his smart, funny friend is better than the super hot girl that he’s been drooling over.
Well, life isn’t Snow Day, and you can’t stop the snowplow man on his last road and expect it to make any difference. That’s not how snow days work. (We know the kids used the plow to push all the snow back onto the streets, but we think snowplows are harder to drive then that movie let’s on).
Anyway, moral of the story, if you want to use Tinder to get laid then you need a profile picture.
6. No hook ups
switch_flip13 Pretty sure that almost every girl I've met that has said that has a bruised bottom by the next morning. No hookups = I'll do ass to mouth on the first nite 😁😁 #tinderpics#nohookups#asstomouth#hittinitraw#whatarewe
Once again, if you’re just on Tinder to look at all the stupid boys profiles and laugh at them, then more power to you. However, if you are on Tinder to try and fall in love, then you are doing it wrong.
Of course, there are people who have started legitimate relationships from Tinder. The laws of statistics make that possible. However, those relationships are almost exclusively the consequences of hooking up.
Well, consequences may not be the best word, but you know what we mean. Anyway, if you’re looking for your husband, then use eHarmony or OKCupid or something. Tinder is a land of purely visceral interactions and it should remain that way.
7. Cartoon profile pic
kimminx This is cute! My two favourite cartoon characters 💕❤️😊 #cartoon #favorite #favoritecartoon #cartooncharacters #doubletap #likeback #like4like #likeforlike #bettyboop #jessicarabbit #redhair #sexy #sluty #pretty #icon #cartoonpic
This move actually probably works pretty well for girls. There are probably a lot of dudes who will right swipe a picture of Arielle just on the off chance that the girl looks like Arielle.
But, is that really what you want? A dude who only likes you because he thinks you might look like a cartoon princess?
P.S. We almost chose Pocahontas instead of Arielle, but Pocahontas is by and large the worst cartoon princess. She is the subject of racist depiction on all counts, and her relationship with Captain John Smith is derivative at best.
Lastly, by “inspired by real-life American legend,” are they referring to the part where the settlers came then raped and murdered all the natives? Because we don’t remember that part from the movie.
Check out 6 Best Secrets of Finding Somebody to Cuddle with This Winter in NYC.[Feature Image Courtesy Bustle]