Aren’t we supposed to be the “hookup generation?” Apparently not.
According to a study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, not only are Millennials the honorary punching bag of every other generation, but we’re having waaay less sex. 90s kids are twice as likely to have had no sexual partners since turning 18, compared to GenX’ers and baby boomers.
Contrary to Lena Dunham’s filmography, the train to pound town is delayed indefinitely.
Why? It’s anyone’s guess, especially considering for some reason, folks be jerking off on trains more than ever.
However, Gothamist speculates that it might be your smartphone that's c*ckblocking you. Obviously, if you spend all your free time catching Zubats in Union Square, you’re unlikely to catch any tail. Of course, those seven dating apps on your iPhone aren’t helping either.
Unless you have the luck of always looking perfectly lit in photographs or own a particularly cute puppy, in all likelihood, half of your potential sexual partners are swiping you away before they even read your perfectly curated Tinder bio.
Don’t judge—you totally do the same. First pic is a group shot? LEFT. Senior photo? LEFT. Abs but no face? Okay, maybe... but you get the point.
A more positive outlook on why we’re more likely to refrain from doing the no pants dance is because of the prevalence of consent culture. Millennial women, who are more likely to be celibate than the guys, have possibly grown more comfortable with the word “no” when it comes to sexual situations.
Take off your fedora for a minute, lest you pin all the blame on third wave feminism―another likely culprit is, chances are, if you’re between the ages of 20 and 30, Sallie Mae’s calling you more than any hot hookups.
As the generation with the longest work hours ever but the lowest salaries, Millennials literally just do not have the time or resources to put towards the ridiculous process that is now hooking up.
If it’s been a while since you’ve done the mattress dance, keep fighting the good fight. Remember, you’re in one of the sexiest cities in the world. If all else fails, you can always scrounge up $10,000 though, amirite?