How to Stop Ruining People's Lives During Your Subway Commute– Including Your Own

Personally, I have a love/hate relationship with the f*cking subway. Who doesn't?

I've been commuting on the subway for over 25 years (and counting). 

I commuted to Brooklyn from Staten Island with my dad during 1st grade and I commuted to Staten Island from Brooklyn for grades 8 through 12 (don't ask why).

By doing some quick math, I've calculated that I've have spent a legit SEVENTEEN FULL DAYS riding the rails. 

And sadly, my time on the train wasn't spent playing video games.

I feel like with the way the subway has been running lately, there's a couple things that need to be said:

Signal problems, train traffic, damaged tracks, train derailment– these are all completely out of our control. The MTA has to take a close look at its infrastructure and get with the program because we're all losing our f*cking minds down there.


However– blocking doors, clipping toenails, eating sushi or rice and beans, putting bags on seats, throwing sh*t on the tracks– these are all things that WE decide to do that can majorly f*ck up a train line. 

And, if you're someone like me, this sh*t turns an ordinary subway ride turn into a stress-inducing-psychotically-aggravating-mind-f*ck.


Let's face it, commuting is already stressful ENOUGH. Why do we need to make things worse than they already are?

Here's my whole thing: witnessing someone slurp on fish soup or getting hit with someone's nail filings can be avoided. Move. Change cars. Standing in spilled sugary iced milk-with-kawfee can be skipped. Change cars. Easy.


Unfortunately, when you play the door-blocking game or take up more than one seat, you're causing a trickle down effect that essentially keeps us in that goddamn station for seconds longer than needed. 

And those seconds add up.

People can't efficiently get on and off and, due to most people being non-confrontational, bags on seats force people to either lean on the pole or crowd closer to the door, creating a bottleneck. 

Move all the way in. Use the WHOLE TRAIN CAR! You won't miss your stop, trust me!


Get your sh*t off the seat! One Swipe = One Seat! No exceptions! And take off your backpacks! And please, PLEASE don't bring your bikes or motorcycles on the subway!

Those wasted seconds stuck in the station due to non-MTA-caused issues will turn into minutes and when you factor in this sh*t happening on every single train car, YOU are playing a major role in an already delayed train being even further behind schedule. Does this make sense?

Another big thing to come out of longer commutes is that it can take some time off of your life. 

Studies conducted have shown that longer commutes can ultimately end marriages (you probably shouldn't have gotten married anyway), cause obesity, extremely high stress levels, and even cause disproportionate pain.

In short, be sure to realize that we are all going through it; we're all trying to get through the hussle-and-struggle-highs-and-lows of New York City; be a courteous human being and just act right.

Take some responsibility for what you can take responsibility for. Carry on!


And for the sake of anything you consider to be HOLY, don't dye your hair on the subway!

[Feature Image Courtesy CNN] 

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