When you’re sick, you go to the doctor. When you have a problem with the computer, you call IT. When you are dealing with a sports-related injury, I’m told that you go to a physical therapist (not that I would know anything about sports).
When matters of the heart arise, you contact an expert - me.
Alright, I’m not a total expert on all things love and intimacy, yet, but I’m workin’ on it!
In an effort to better educate myself, and get that much closer to answering the ever elusive “can we have it all” question, I called in a heavy hitter.
Londin Angel Winters is a best selling author of The Awakened Woman’s Guide to Everlasting Love, an Emmy-winning former NBC News Producer, and a teacher of spiritual intimacy. She has written, worked, and taught for many publications, and I recently had the pleasure of sitting down and picking her brain.
We had some laughs, shared some experiences, and delved deep into the societal challenge of “having it all.” I am happy to report that she was able to shed some light and lend a new perspective to this all-encompassing question.
I ask Londin, Paula Abdul style, “is it possible to have a career hustle that doesn’t stop, a man who treats you like the Queen you are, all while having mind-blowing, wouldn’t-trade-it-for-anything, sex?”
Her response: a definitive yes.
Hearing that it is, in fact, possible to have “it all” made me feel like I got my name called at a raffle or hearing that your test results came back clean at the free clinic (I never win anything).
In all honesty, meeting Londin and seeing her life, kind of already answered that question for me. She is at the top of her career in numerous fields, has a rich and fulfilling spiritual life, and a partner in life who is at hot as he is spiritually and emotionally present.
I was convinced that, much like the Little Mix song, she had some magic spell or secret potion that would somehow put your life together as quickly and as easily as a child’s puzzle. In a way, her and Justin’s, her life partner’s, book and life story is that secret potion.
For once in my life, I got straight to the point: “how did you do this, Londin? More importantly? How can I have even a fraction of the love and success that you have amassed?”
She broke it down:
In her work life, she was a Miranda, an alpha. She was the person with the plan, the drive, the “go” person. Her 20’s and 30’s saw a level of success any 20some would have a wet dream over. The one thing she was missing was the love life.
Sound familiar?
Career goals were being checked off left and right but the love life was akin to deafening silence broken only by the sound of crickets, nothing.
Londin admitted that she was attacking her love life with the same energy as she attacked her work; the alpha energy. She said that it wasn’t until she lived in depth and embraced her omega energy that love finally found her.
Sensing the crickets in my ghost town of a brain, her and Justin began to elaborate on what alpha and omega energy is.
Before defining them, Londin made it very clear that any person, male or female can lean more toward either of these traits and embody them at will. These principles are not gender-specific. Hearing them say this but my inner feminist at ease.
Alpha is traditionally associated with the “masculine” principle: directed focus, lead, the “go” person. The alpha is the one who is trustable and has a plan - the “I got this babe” person.
Omega is traditionally associated with the “feminine” principle. It is living in the pleasure of the moment and can appreciate the flow of life.
Again neither of these traits are gender specific and while some people gravitate toward one or the other, they are traits that can be embodied by anyone at any time.
It was after she defined these energies where things began to make sense for me. By opening her heart and releasing control, she was able to open herself up to attract the energy of the type of man she wanted. Like me, Londin prefers to have an Alpha in the sheets while she takes on the role of Alpha in the boardroom.
“There are three ways of relating in the terms of long-term commitment,” she told me
Business partner power couple: Alpha + Alpha
This is great for projects and success at work. It is not the realm of hot sex. The couple with this type of relation alone will have an amazing life filled with money, material things, and such but, probably haven’t had sex in 10 years.
Friend-zone: Omega + Omega
Both people are glowing with pleasure. No one wants to lead. This is the type of couple that sits on the couch, binge Netflix, and order in. No one in this couple particularly wants to have sex either. This is the quintessential day off vibes.
Opposite sexual poles: Alpha and Omega
You are gonna wanna rip each other’s clothes off. One of the partners is doing alpha, the other is omega. The sex is constantly the hottest it has ever been and the intimacy is off the charts.
Seeing these three ways of relating you may, as I did, think that they are options and that you have to pick just one.
That, my friends, is not the case. Londin continued by saying that because these energies can be embodied and switched at will, a couple can relate in each of these ways.
In my mind, the perfect couple is sharks in the boardroom, chill in the living room, and hotter than a BBQ in hell in the bedroom.
By embodying these different energies with your partner you can healthfully experience all three of these ways of relating and in turn “have it all.”
Having been swept away by the excitement, I had to ask to backtrack. I was running before I could walk. At the moment, there are no men beating down my door. Hell, I can’t even get a man to breathe in my direction on a crowded subway. I asked Londin, “how do you find a partner in the first place? How in the generation of hookups, Tinder, and Grindr can you find a man that will even consider committing to a type of shampoo let alone a date with you?”
Being an expert, Londin already had the answer in the chamber. It all goes back to embodying a different energy. You can’t run your love life like you run your job. The fastest way to turn off alpha men is pursuing them like an alpha.
If your taste is alpha men, you have to learn to embrace the deep waters of your omega energy. “Alphas are like the riverbed and Omegas are the river. Omegas aren’t weak, they are the waters that fill the Alpha and the relationship. If Alphas see the world in black and white then Omegas are the color. Once you give Alphas a taste of their world in color, you will become their world.”
As beautifully put as that is, I thought it sounded too easy. Londin confirmed that suspicion.
“This generation is very surface level and shallow. If you enter the space, any space, in a surface way, everyone will gravitate toward you and you will have surface level interactions and surface level sex. The converse is living deeply. This can often turn people away. 90% of the people don’t want to meet you. Unfortunately, you have to make the sacrifice of not feeling met in order to gain a partner the looks into the depths of your soul. Take me and Justin. When I met him, I didn’t think we were going to click. But when I talked to him, I felt penetrated by his gaze and with his depth. Our 10-minute interactions at the gym were the best parts of my day and I knew I wanted that to be my life."
Londin continued; this should clear everything up for you, and give you a new perspective on this:
"In life, there is a struggle between the logical mind and the wisdom of the heart. When you learn the art of surrender, it goes beyond surrendering to your partner, there is a surrender in your life. If you walk through life with that surrender and you show up in love with an open heart, it will find you.”
After ringing out the Shamwow I’d been using to dry up my tears, I asked her one final question: “If you could go back to your 22-year-old self, what is the one thing you would tell yourself about love, sex, and the pursuit of a full life?”
She simply answered: “The sooner you can drop the mask you put on to earn love, and realize that you are love, the sooner you can have the life of your dreams.”
Another bucket of rung out tears later, we parted ways. What I took with me was this:
- Surrender is not the loss of control, it is the ultimate form of control and trust
- Showing up with an open heart and living within the depths of my own love will invite the right men to explore it with me
- Success in career, love, and sex, is all possible.
I can have really have “it all” if I am truly willing to work for it and surrender to the idea of it.
Londin and Justin’s book The Awakened Woman’s Guide to Everlasting Love is available on Amazon.
If you are ready to give up on the idea of the ever elusive “it all,” remember that it’s not only possible but that you deserve it.