I’ve heard boyfriends are great. But, like people who tell me 13 Reasons Why is great, I don’t necessarily believe it.
As a single woman in New York City listening to all these great perks about boyfriends, I only think one thing.
The perks NYC provides are greater than any perks provided by a boy.
Sure, when I talk to the city it’s usually just the weirdos that talk back, but New York supplies a much more entertaining life than any other relationship could.
I’ve never been much for cuddling, so concrete suits me just fine.
1. The city always has an idea for date night
Aren’t you tired of that “What do you want to do tonight?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” “I don’t care.” back and forth? New York City is always entertaining, and provides plenty of guides for you to find the coolest events.
2. It doesn’t care what time you get home
You don’t need to worry about crawling into bed in the middle of the night, smelling of booze and $1 pizza, leaving mascara trails on his pillowcase as you fall asleep without taking your makeup off. New York will never begrudge you a girl’s night out.
3. It always wakes up before you
Waiting around in bed for your partner to wake up in the morning, especially if you’re at their place and aren’t comfortable commandeering their kitchen / living room / shower alone lest you bother his roommate(s), is the worst. NYC is always ready to get up and get bagels when you are.
4. NYC doesn't care if you fart in front of it
Forget about holding it until you get out on the sidewalk and say, “I forget my wallet, one sec I’m going to run back upstairs!” (Been there, done that.) Just let it out. Don’t even blush, honey. The city deals with much worse.
5. You never have to worry about acting like a “crazy girl”
You are never the craziest person on the sidewalk. The city doesn’t mind if you cry for no reason, or want to hang out “too much,” or don’t feel like hanging out with the guys for the third weekend in a row. Crazies are welcome here.
6. The city will cook you any food, any time
You don’t need a man whose specialty is scrambled eggs. You need a city who can deliver anything you’re craving, basically any time you’re craving it. And who won’t judge you if you eat it with your hands wearing nothing but underwear.
7. You never have to meet the city’s parents
Talk about avoiding a stressful situation!
8. The city will never get jealous
New York is just not the jealous type. You don’t have to worry what it will think if you smile at another guy at the bar, or stay out late with friends, or casually mention an ex every once in awhile.
9. NYC doesn’t care about your past
You don’t have to explain the boyfriends/cities of your past. New York won’t ask for your “number” (not talking about your phone number). It doesn’t mind that ambiguous phase in college. It’s cool with your childhood traumas. You are who you want to be, and NYC will accept you for it.