Oh, man. You missed out on our sold-out 3-hour booze cruise on the Hudson?! Why?! What in God's name were you thinking?
It's okay. Keep calm. It probably wasn't your fault. We legit sold out.
You missed booze. You missed bites. You missed three floors of straight-up booty bumpin'. You missed out on... freedom.
Kidding. You're never missing out on freedom (unless you're choosing to ignore the horror stories from the RNC Convention and will do nothing about how terrifying it all is, but let's not get into THAT).
Needless to say, you missed out on a huge party, and science says that you really screwed the pooch on it (not forensic science because that's a little gross when you think―STOP. NO. PLEASE).
You missed out on a 4th of July Weekend Booze Cruise to remember. We partied like it was 1776. We pledged allegiance to open bars.
We even sang "O, Canada... what a f*cking joooooke!" (so that definitely didn't happen). We tried to launch balloons into the night sky, but due to science, weather, the size of the boat, and lack of visibility in the night sky we, uh, we couldn't really wave goodbye.
Like, look at this video! Seriously. We can wait. Take your time.
Now think to yourself, "What on Earth was more important than a 3-hour open bar courtesy of 50 Bleu Vodka aboard World Yacht's exceedingly gorgeous, three-level yacht, Duchess with passed hors d'oeuvres, and two incredible DJ's dropping fire for days with the crew from spoiled NYC?!"
[anad]
Were you stuck in traffic on the way to a waste of a day or two down on the dirty Jersey shore? Were you clambering over tourists in Times Square? Were you passed out on your couch with food poisoning? Like, that―that we can understand. The rest?
In. Ex. Cuse. Uh. Bull.
But there's time for you yet. Okay, not like a time machine situation where there's time for you to go back and rethink all of the terrible decisions you made instead of getting down with 550 other crazy Americans celebrating 'Murica on the eve of 'Murica's birthday.
No, we're doing it again. Not the same thing because, well, we like themes and 4th of July in late August doesn't really make sense as a theme. Oh sh*t. SPOILER ALERT!
Yeah, we're getting down once more to close out the summer. Details to follow, but in the meantime, relive all of the fun you either had (love you fam!) or feel the burning disappointment― nay! absolute, irreconcilable misery! ―of everything you missed July 3rd with a lovely collection of pictures of beautiful party people.
