You slowly walk down the middle of the staircase and you don’t allow anyone to pass you.
You're checking text messages, you stop to change a song, and you're crushing candy all while everyone behind you is stuck waiting and trying to get around you.
You don't run, you walk. They wait.
Your MetroCard isn’t easily accessible so you stand in the turnstile, making it impossible for anyone else to get through while you rummage for your card.
While standing on the platform, you begin to sing out loud and dance around—half for the attention and half because you can tell that it irritates the people around you. If anyone gives you the attention you're asking for, you give them a death stare in return.
The train pulls in, and you rush toward where you know the doors will ultimately open. While not allowing the passengers to exit first, you push your way through but you don’t see any seats so you stand there and, much like shit clogging a toilet, you disrupt the flow of traffic, which will essentially delay the train even further.
Now you’re mad at the world because it's their fault, so you blast your music in your headphones so loud that the entire train car can hear it and you cozy up against the pole preventing anyone else from holding on. When the chorus comes on, you sing it out loud because you know it bothers people.
Giving everyone the stink eye, you search for a seat. You know one will come.
A section frees up so you run and push past anyone else trying to get to it. You step on someone's sneaker but, if they say anything to you, you plan on knocking them out.
You throw your bag down on one seat while you take the other and spread your legs out wide. Let someone say something to you. Let someone have the nerve to want the seat that your bag is on.
This is your train. This is your city. This is your life. You don’t give a fuck.
Now that you have a seat, out comes your breakfast. You could’ve eaten it at home. Hell, you could even eat it at work. You choose not to. You choose to eat it ON THE TRAIN.
Today it was a bacon, egg, and cheese on a roll with salt, pepper, and ketchup. Yesterday it was a leftover chicken and broccoli combination. The day before that, a California roll with extra fish egg. You. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. When you're done, you throw the garbage on the floor because someone is employed by the city to clean up your shit.
You turn your music louder and you look around, begging for someone to say something.
Out comes the gum. Throw a few pieces in your mouth, throw the wrappers on the floor, and proceed to make the loudest POPS you can make.
Here's your stop. You push past anyone in your way and work your way up into the fresh air of the city.
You're what's wrong with this picture.
If you display any of the behaviors pointed out in this article, recognize it, acknowledge it, and be the change you wish you see on the subway.
[Feature Image Courtesy Instagram]