Don't Be an A**hole: An Open Letter to the Flood of NYC Tourists

Dear New York City tourists,

Hey y’all! Hola! Yo! Good choice on choosing the greatest city in the world for your adventures. The city that never sleeps. The city where dreams are made of, and the city of the best bagels. Trust me, it’s a fact.

It’s also not the absolute friendliest city—but don’t worry, we’re not trying to scare you off. 

We welcome you with open arms. Well, we might, if you follow some of these helpful tips. 

There’s nothing a native New Yorker hates more than a tourist with their head in the clouds and no hands on their wallets. Be smart, blend in, and seriously, buy a bagel. 

But first, just avoid some sh*t. You'll thank us later. Or not. Whatever. 

If you heed this advice and avoid all of the cliche touristy activities that you’ve seen in the movies, maybe we’ll let you extend your stay.


A native New Yorker 

1. Don't. Get. In. The. Pedicabs. 

$3 a minute + 5 miles an hour = bad idea.

2. Times Square is a NO GO. 


It's literally a center of filth, epilepsy-inducing flashy billboards, and grimy old men in costume. The only reason to go is to catch a Broadway show, but do not eat there. Do not.

3. Instead of paying for a Statue of Liberty Sightseeing tour, take the Staten Island Ferry. 

It’s free, and it sells booze! Win-win. Just, you know, don’t actually get off in Staten Island.

4. Do not wear matching family shirts. 


We will laugh at you.

5. Do not carry a physical paper map.


Other than being super cluttered, they are literally a beacon for pickpockets and scammers.

6. Invest in a weekly unlimited metro card instead of taking cabs if you want to have enough money to eat 


7. Dollar pizza and hole-in-the wall coffee shops are all you need 


Don't waste your time at the famous spots. Katz' Deli is good, but lines are not.

8. NYC is more than Manhattan! 


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Check out all the fun of our other boroughs, like Brooklyn’s Prospect Park, Queens’ cheap Asian food in Flushing, and Yankee stadium in the Bronx.

9. Learn. To. Walk. 


Yes, our skyscrapers are pretty. No, that does not mean you need to walk painstakingly slow to look up at them.

10.Don’t buy an I-heart-NY T-shirt. 


Just don’t.

11. If there’s a subway car that’s almost completely empty, it’s too good to be true. 


That man sleeping in the corner? Yeah, he probably (definitely) smells like piss.

12. Hear some yelling and cursing? 


Don’t be alarmed, it’s just how New Yorkers communicate.

13. Wear some comfy shoes. 


New Yorkers walk everywhere, and while your heels are super cute, they also lead to super blisters.

14. Stay up late.