Everyone knows New York City has a thriving nightlife, bursting at the seams with the hottest clubs and loud, happy bars whose patrons spill into the streets to chat and smoke cigarettes.
On every weekend, on every NYC corner, people dance on bars, strangers clink shots, and everyone screams the lyrics to their favorite songs.
To be clear: we're talking about the summer. Going out in the winter? No thanks. It's not that we hate partying in the winter, we don't.
We just think that when it's freezing outside, when the streets are spilling over with slushy snow, bars still require absurd covers, and charge exorbitant amounts for drinks... well, we'd rather drink in our apartments.
We just think that when it's freezing outside, when the streets are spilling over with slushy snow, bars still require absurd covers, and charge exorbitant amounts for drinks... well, we'd rather drink in our apartments.
Sometimes, you and your friends forget you'd rather drink in your apartment. Sometimes, you decide to bundle up and hit the town for a night out, even on the most freezing of weekends.
Then, chaos ensues.
Read on to commiserate with us on the struggles of going out in an NYC winter, and why you just shouldn't. Like ever.
1. Getting ready
Your shower is painful. Let us rephrase that. It's not the shower that's painful; it's leaving the shower that's painful. It's hot, warm, and wonderful in the shower, but when you get out of the water you start shivering immediately.
Blow-drying your hair is bliss for two reasons. First: well, your hair would freeze if you didn't, and second: that blow-dryer is so, so warm. But then you're immediately hit with the pains of deciding what to wear.
You're baffled by your outfits. If it were summer, you'd know exactly what to wear. In winter, you're so torn between staying warm and actually looking good.
Eventually you settle on corduroys, the sweatpants of adulthood. You also settle on the fact that you're most likely not getting it in tonight. Because nobody but college professors gets laid in corduroys, right?
2. Getting alcohol
It's about a million degrees below freezing outside, so you know you're going to need a very thick layer of liquid warmth beneath the heavy coat you'll need to make it anywhere.
You could go to the liquor store before the party, but really, who needs to lug around heavy bottles of liquor through the slush? The answer: no one in NYC needs to go to the liquor store. Not anymore.
Not when there's Minibar, the app that'll bring wine, beer, or liquor right to your apartment within an hour.
With a couple taps on your phone, after browsing any and most all liquor stores near your apartment, you've got a case of beer and a handle of vodka whizzing right to your door.
With Minibar, getting alcohol is the least of your problems. Now you only have to deal with the consequences of going outside.
3. The pregame
girlwithnojob This will be me this weekend hosting at @PalmsCasinoResort's @GhostBarLV on Saturday!!
Your friends arrive very soon after the alcohol, and a heated debate ensues. Should you go to the bar, or should you drink in the shelter of your apartment, without braving the elements?
Eventually, the debate is quelled by the pouring of vodka, the taking of shots, and the toasting to the good life.
You're downing beers and shots, you're laughing a lot, and you feel on top of the world. You're totally ready to hit the town. Maybe you'll get lucky after all.
4. Deciding to leave
_samantha.jay_ Oh right.. #alcoholic #febreeze #funny #me #myfriends #cinnamon #fireball #fireballwhiskey #whiskey #drinktoomuch #dranktoomuch #drunktoomuch
Way sooner than you would have liked, the handle of vodka has run dry, and the case of beer is running dangerously low.
The debate about whether or not to go out reignites. Some of your friends have tried really hard to look good, and these friends want to go out.
One of your friends wants to hook up with someone in your apartment already. That person wants to stay. Another person wants to meet someone new to hook up with, and that person wants to leave.
The decision is made for you though. The booze has run out, so leaving is a must. Another debate erupts: where to go out? Of course, the answer is a compromise.
In an ideal scenario, you decide on the most fun bar that's closest to your apartment.
5. Journeying outside
Since you chose a bar that's really close to your apartment, an Uber is out of the question. Sadly, that means you have to walk.
Everyone gets bundled up and you hit the streets. Within seconds, you've drenched your feet in icy slush. No, you're not wearing your snow boots. The idea of wearing your snow boots to the bar did not occur to you. Good thing you've got those corduroys, right?
It's dark, so you're having a tough time gaging the depth of puddles. Luckily, you're pretty drunk, so your soaking wet feet don't bother you too much.
And since you're so drunk, the fact that it's a glacial, arctic tundra out here doesn't affect you too much. Plus, you have a really great pair of mittens. (And corduroys.)
6. Arriving at the bar
Your stomach drops when you arrive at the bar: there's a huge crowd of shivering New Yorkers clustered outside the door. The line is much more massive than you expected.
Did the entire city decide to brave the cold? You're pretty flabbergasted by how many people came out tonight because of how close you were to just getting hammered in your apartment.
You and your friends shuffle to the back of the line shivering. Someone lights a cigarette, and someone from the midwest makes fun of you for being cold. There's one thing everyone can agree on, though: this line is very, very lame.
7. Waiting in line
You've just received a text from someone inside the bar. It's too loud to have any kind of conversation, the bar is too packed to even buy one of the wildly overpriced drinks, and that there's a half-hour line to pee in a pee-soaked, vomit-smelling bathroom.
That sounds even worse than the line in which you're currently standing. Shivering, you start to wonder whether this is even worth it. You and your friends discuss it, and most of you agree: this is not worth it.
Of course, before you come to this agreement, people ahead of you have had a similar thought, left, and now, your whole squad is on deck.
Except... the bouncer wants you to pay $20 just to get in the door.
That's the final straw for you. You resist cursing out the bouncer, but you gather your squad and simply jet.
8. Getting out of there
You don't need an overpriced bar with terrible lines in the wintertime. You probably would have gotten your coat stolen and wound up spending hundreds.
You text your friends inside the bar: "party at our place." Then, you pull up your Minibar app. That's right: more beer, and more vodka-- actually, screw it. Tonight totally sucked. Time to make the brave switch to tequila on top of doubling down on even more beer.
You've decided you're going to need to keep this party going all night long. The best part? You have rooftop access, so you can stand and gaze out into the city slurping down tequila and beers, and the bar's always open in your apartment.
You're only home for seconds before that Minibar delivery arrives. And then you finally realize it.
You can definitely mark tonight down as a win.
Check out Minibar Delivers Wine, Beer, and Liquor to Your NYC Apartment Door-- in Under an Hour.
[Feature Image Courtesy Vivienne Gucwa]