Your three key items (phone, wallet, and keys) are essential to survival in NYC. Almost as essential as oxygen, water, and food if you live the life of Bear Grylls.
Well, all humans need oxygen, water, and food to survive, but they’re much easier to come by in the concrete jungle as opposed to the actual jungle (which we assume is where Mr. Grylls lives when cameramen aren’t helping him build fires).
Anyway, we’re getting way off track. The point is that people lose their three key items all the time.
If you’re a dude, then we don’t have a ton of sympathy for you. Ever heard of pockets, bro? But, if you’re a girl, it’s much more understandable.
Anyway, here are the worst ways to lose your three key items in NYC.
1. Leave your wallet on the subway
Cancel your credit cards and head straight to the DMV to renew that license because your wallet is gone forever.
It seems preposterous to lose your wallet on the subway.
But sometimes you’re wasted and the subway performers blow your mind dancing on the L between 1st Avenue and Bedford and you just can’t help yourself from throwing them a couple a bucks and accidentally leaving your wallet behind in the process.
2. Leave your keys in your door
This is a pretty dumb thing to do. Probably one of the dumbest things in the entire world.
If you do this after returning from a night of drinking and immediately pass out on your couch, it’s dumb. Really dumb. But, it’s not the worst thing in the world.
However, if you leave your keys in the lock on the way to the bar after getting a little too sauced during the pregame, then chances are you’ll return home to a missing Xbox at best, and a homeless dude pooping in your bathroom at worst.
3. Leave your tab open at the bar
This happens all the time. It’s arguably the most common way to lose your credit or debit card. However, it’s a pretty easy fix. You just retrace your steps from the night before and return, ashamed, to all the bars that you probably got thrown out of the night before.
Also, we know that your credit card is not technically one of your three key items, but it’s definitely in the wallet family, so we’re going to include it.
4. Leave your license at the bar
This generally only happens if you exchange your license for darts or pool balls or something. This is a lot like the open tab situation.
You just return to all the bars you adventured to the night before in search of your license. However, this situation can get tricky if the bar has your license, but all the darts got stolen.
5. Leave your phone in a cab
This is devastating. Your phone is gone forever.
It’s especially devastating if you’re in a cab on the way to meet up with a late night hook up and you’re too drunk to figure out which apartment building it is. You can’t text her for the address because your phone is in the cab that just peeled away down Second Avenue.
You end up buzzing every apartment in the building you think it is and no one answers and no one lets you in and you end up sad and alone in your own bed after wasting money on two cab rides, finding out two days later that she ended up sleeping with your buddy instead of you.
That’s totally hypothetical by the way, definitely never happened.
6. Leave a key item at a random apartment party
One of the best parts of NYC is that sometimes you end up at a party where you basically know no one and everyone is super wasted and it’s a ton of fun.
It’s not as much fun when you’re trying to go to brunch in the morning and realize that your wallet is in a random apartment in Astoria and you don’t know how to get it back.
Your phone is not as big of a loss in this situation because of the find your iPhone app and all that stuff. Wallet is bad unless the apartment owners are good Samaritans and look at your license, then find you on Facebook and hook it up. Keys are gone forever if they’re lost in this situation.
7. Drop something on the subway tracks
This is almost impossible, but when there’s alcohol; there’s a way. Isn’t that a saying?
Anyway, I’ve seen this happen one time and the dude looked so devastated. He absolutely didn’t know how to respond. I’ve never seen anyone look so conflicted.
He eventually just jumped down, grabbed his phone, and climbed back out. However, the whole time catastrophe was on the horizon.[Feature Image Courtesy Instagram]