Well, the first thing on this list is that election day is tomorrow, November 8th. We know some of you might have marked your calendars for the 28th, so, you're welcome. We're nice like that.
Partisanship aside, it is our duty as AMERICANS (f*ck yeah, cue eagles, fire off your guns, etc.) to participate in the voting process.
Hopefully, you managed to jump through the hoops of our voter registration process, especially if you dropped the ball in the primaries (I WAS GREEN PARTY IN 2012, LEAVE ME ALONE), so now all you've gotta do is show up and vote. Right? WRONG.
There are a few things you should definitely know about navigating Election Day here in New York City.
And remember, after this, we're DONE. No more e-mails (okay, maybe not). No more tapes (we wouldn't bet on this one either). No more Alec Baldwin on SNL—the only tragedy of this election cycle ending, save for his renewed role should Trump win.
Just kidding. Knowing Drumpf, Baldwin's in the crosshairs of getting executed for that one. We'll see you on the other side. You'll probably find us outside Trump Tower.
Okay, now go #RockTheVote, y'all!
1. Both Clinton and Trump will be in NYC
Secretary Clinton will be waiting it out under the Javitz Center's glass ceiling, while Trump will be at the Hilton in Midtown Manhattan. We're sure you're wondering why Trump isn't going to be in a building with his name on it and why this matters to you. Well, because traffic is gonna be f*cked.
As reported by Gothamist, expect these streets to be closed starting at 6 p.m. tonight until 6 p.m. Wednesday:
West 34th Street between the West Side Highway and 11th Avenue
11th Avenue between West 34th Street and West 40th Street
6th Avenue between West 53rd Street and West 54th Street
7th Avenue between West 53rd Street and West 54th Street
There will also be lane closures in Midtown and limited access at Eleventh Avenue between the West 34th Street and West 40th Street and West 34th Street between the West Side Highway and 10th Avenue. Alternate side of the street parking will also be suspended tomorrow.
2. This is where your polling place is
3. There are other things on the ballot besides president
Are you angry about your choices for president this year? Of course you are. Doesn't this sh*tshow make you want to keep a closer eye on this country? It should. Try familiarizing yourself with what else we're voting for tomorrow, you still have some time to Google sh*t.
You can look up your sample ballot right here. In New York, for example, we have a Senate representative up for election. Tl;dr: At least check out the Wikipedia pages of Democrat Chuck Schumer and Republican Wendy Long.
Sick of the two-party system?
We can all agree that partisanship has royally screwed us over, and whether or not you think that your protest vote for Jill "We Should Not be Subjecting Kids' Brains to WiFi" Stein or Gary "End Public Schools" Johnson will stick it to anyone, how about supporting third parties anywhere else down the ballot?
4. Don't wear swag
You've probably heard that electioneering within 100 feet of a polling place is illegal, but did you know that your red trucker hat or #ImWithHer button counts as "passive electioneering," and you can technically get kicked out until you put it away.
This has been less of a problem in past elections (we blame Etsy), especially since it's almost difficult to tell in some cases. This whack election has spawned some pretty unique campaign slogans, such as the unpredictable market for "Nasty Woman" apparel.
Jury's still out on whether that counts or not, but feel free to #WearWhitetoVote.
Because sure, polling places are busy and chances are your t-shirt might not get noticed, but if you're rushing to vote before work, do you really want to risk being asked to leave to go change?
5. Your boss legally has to let you go vote
Yep, New York State law requires employers to let you take two hours before or after work, without loss of pay, to go visit your polling place. The polls are gonna be open from 6 a.m. until 9 p.m.
Don't let, "I don't have time!" be your excuse.
6. Ballot selfies are illegal in the state of New York
Social Media is an undeniably great tool for public consciousness. If we didn't share our excitement about being a part of the political process, would we even be millennials?
However, in many states, including New York, snapping a pic with your completed ballot is illegal. Even if Justin Timberlake did it. Don't worry, you can still do something else like 'Gram a selfie with your "I Voted" sticker on your nose. So cute!
Also, no need for proof you voted because...
7. Your vote is public record
That's right. If you're a liar, we'll know.
Next time you're at brunch (or in line for your weekly rations after NYC is turned into a prison island for liberals) and all your friends are talking about how at least, you guys all voted and you nod your head along with them, remember: any one of them could be like, "Wait! I looked you up, and you're a LIAR."
And being all, "WTF, Chelsea, you're such a stalker," won't get you off the hook. Chelsea might be a stalker, but you didn't vote in this incredibly important election. Not cool.
So basically, if you're not gonna vote, own it. But really, don't be part of the problem. Go vote. Come on.[Feature Image Courtesy thebigdm.com]