Valentine's Day is the cliché of all clichés, the melodrama of melodrama. Valentine's Day is like convention turned into a holiday.
It's like an annoying little reminder. Oh, you were having fun casually dating someone? Well, it's time for a painful reminder that you need to define it, or else it isn't legitimate. Thanks for nothing, Valentine's Day.
We know we sound a little like Valentine's grinches right now, but that's only because we're acting a little like Valentine's grinches right now.
We're just hungry for a little originality. Something we haven't heard before. All the spots we've listed below? We've heard them before.
The spots below are where you'll be brought on Valentine's Day if your date is a sappy romantic who lacks originality.
Maybe you want to be dating a sappy romantic. There's a place for that in the world. If you want to know where the most couples will be on Valentine's Day in New York City, read on to find out.
They'll be at all the predictable, unsurprising places listed below. (P.S., if you want to read about our underrated recommendations, check those out right here.)
1. The High Line
rkdesigns_ New York City views from the High Line with my Nikon ✨
Don't get us wrong. We love the High Line the most. We're just thinking that on Valentine's Day it's going to be overrun with couples who were convinced they had the most romantic, original idea anyone ever thought of.
Our best guess for what the High Line will look like on Sunday? Couples. Couples everywhere. Couples leaning over ledges and sitting on the stairs, couples snagging the long chairs and couples asking other couples to take their photographs.
The High Line is couples central on days that aren't on Valentine's Day. When it comes to actual Valentine's Day, we really can't even imagine how many sappy loves stories will swarm the train station turned garden.
2. Jane's Carousel
Oh really? Jane's Carousel? Just the most romantic place in the state? If we had to bet where the sappiest, most predictably cliché couples would seek refuge with other predictably cliché couples on Valentine's Day, we'd divide them evenly between Jane's Carousel and Deno's Wonder Wheel.
So what, you're going to get to Brooklyn Bridge park at sunset and ride around on this beautiful, restored, antique carousel like you're in love or something? Are you going to watch the sun set over the river while you do it?
Okay, so that all actually sounds really nice and everything, but doesn't it sound kind of melodramatic too?
We guess if you're really in love with someone then this move makes sense, but it sort of makes us want to throw up in our mouths a little bit.
3. The movies
edvinameta Star Wars #starwars #themovies #netherlands #amsterdam #vacation
Okay, so we definitely want to see How To Be Single, and in fact we probably will be checking this movie out in theaters this weekend.
However, if you're dating someone who's big, bright, original idea about how to pamper you for Valentine's Day is to take to you the movies, remind that person that this isn't high school.
Unless you are in high school, and then you'll fit right in with all the other high school aged Valentine's that will swarm NYC's movie theaters on this most romantic of days.
We're not hating on the movies, we love seeing movies, but if this is what you do for your Valentine's date, be warned that you're very cliché.,
4. The Empire State Building Observatory
onthere This is #Newyork 😎
Oh, you spent $60 so we could ride an elevator to the top of the city? Oh, but wait, this isn't even the top of the city. This is a cool view and everything, but we've seen cooler.
Okay, we know we sound cynical, and we do appreciate the beauty and history of the Empire State Building.
Really, though, do you want to be dropping $60 for two tickets to ride an elevator to the top of it for Valentine's Day?
That's a tourist move, and if you pull this stunt, you'll definitely be surrounded by plenty of tourists on your ascent to the top of the building. We're against spending $30 per ticket at One World Trade's observatory, too, but at least that one is actually the tallest building in the city.
5. The Butterfly Conservatory at the Museum of Natural History
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Actually, we'd like to extend the cliché-ness of this Valentine's idea to the Butterfly Conservatory at the Bronx Zoo, also.
Here's the thing about the Butterfly Conservatories at these two places. They're magnificent. They're glorious. We're just wondering, can your relationship live up to all this glorious magnificence?
Think of it this way. If you're only sort of into the person you're dating, that "sort-of-into-ness" will definitely come out when compared to BUTTERFLIES, the most enchanting creatures to grace the earth.
If you are super into the person you're dating, then, you shouldn't be able to have that many lovely things in one spot. All we're saying is, this is a pretty sappy move. We guess it's also kind of cute, now that we're thinking about it...
6. Horse-drawn carriage rides in Central Park
sburton10 This is #ADreamComeTrue #HorseDrawnCarriageRide through #CentralPark 😍 #NYC
Oh, we're so sorry we just gagged in your face. It's just that these are too cliché and ridiculous for us to even handle.
First of all, it's 2016. So no, no one uses horses to get around anymore, they're just tacky. Why do we even still have them here? Horses aren't supposed to live in cities.
Second of all, it's actually mean to the horses. Didn't you hear about all the debates between de Blasio and animal rights activists to get the horses out of the city?
Sorry to burst your bubble, but if you want to be pulled around in a carriage, you should probably get it done by a dude in a bicycle. At least he consented to it and isn't living a life of imprisonment and servitude like the horses are.[Feature Image Courtesy Top Pix Gallery]