Help Me, I'm Poor: 5 Questions Every Broke B*tch in NYC Asks Herself

Between student loans, rent, razors that are $1 more expensive for no reason, and occasionally getting grabbed at on the subway (sorry, that's for something else), it's not always easy being a lady in New York City. 

Okay, before you get all #alllivesmatter on us, we know men have money woes too– but go write your own listicle, dude.

Especially around the holidays, when we're buying presents and plane tickets out of town, where Megabus dare not go, it can get particularly rough.

There comes a time when us girls are forced to ask ourselves some difficult questions and make some tough decisions.

Could we prioritize a little better? Probably. But what are we supposed to do? Give up brunch?

Like the generation before us, and the ones that will surely come after, we're gonna blame Carrie Bradshaw for making it seem like a writer with one weekly column could own Manhattan real estate, never use the subway, and prance around in Jimmy Choo's.

Thanks a lot, Carrie. Also, Aidan and Mr. Big BOTH sucked.  

1. Should I sell my eggs?


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This is a tough one. Are you okay with maybe one day, running into your kid on the street? 


Are you okay with looking at that child and thinking, “Thanks for my January - April 2017 rent?” No really, do you have any idea how much money people will give you for your eggs? Google it.

2. Should I buy this lipstick or lunch today?


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Ah. Nobody truly understands how many things you need to function as a girl in this city. Do you understand how our wardrobe works? We need casual clothes, work clothes, workout clothes, classy going out clothes, and slutty going out clothes. We're astonished any of us pay rent.

And cosmetics might seem like a luxury but think about it– if you want to save on utilities by showering every other day, that means you’re not washing your hair every day, so you NEED that $32 Living Proof Dry Shampoo because what, are you supposed to go to work with greasy hair? Lol no.

But back to the question, when it comes down to it, sometimes it’s worth surviving on $1 pizza for a week to afford that $21 Kat Von D lipstick. Keep slayin'.

3. How many pairs of jeans do I really need?


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We’ve definitely all been at that level of broke where we’ll sell half our wardrobe to Buffalo Exchange or Beacon's Closet and take the $30 cash over the store credit. 

But let’s be real: you only need one good pair of jeans– you’re only in trouble if you’re broke enough to consider parting ways with any of your shoes.

4. Am I going to go to hell for using Tinder Food Stamps?


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Judgement free zone here. We've aaall been there, right? By "there," we mean, "met up with a dude from Tinder to eat a dinner we didn't have to pay for."

But wait, this is basically feminism right? Like it's not our fault that society expects men to buy food. It's totally using the system rigged against us to our advantage, like one of the chicks in an Edith Wharton novel. Or Cersei Lannister. #Goals.

5. On that note, is it socially acceptable to answer creepy ads on Craigslist yet?


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Also, how creepy is too creepy? 

Like, what's the line between going to dinner with a rando dude while wearing a unicorn onesie and selling panties you didn't take off for one week? Asking for a friend.

[Feature Image Courtesy Flickr] 

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