It's that time of year. The mistletoe has been strung up, the Rockefeller Tree is lit, and entire offices all throughout the city are shutting down their computers, turning off their emails, and heading to bars and party venues.
They'll head to rented-out spaces with open bars to drink, laugh, and be merry. You'll be making smalltalk, throwing back beers, and trying to keep it together.
Are you prepping for your holiday work party? Are you wondering how to best maneuver this situation?
Well, we're coming in hot with some tips that will ensure your survival. The key is to have a great time, enjoy the free alcohol, and keep in mind that you still have to see these people way too early tomorrow morning.
The key is to remember that all the drunken secrets that tumble from your mouth will be remembered. The key is to keep all these drunken secrets from tumbling out of your mouth in the first place, you dig?
Read on to discover some essential tips for surviving your holiday work party.
1. Go looking good
You want to show up to your work party looking good. We know these are people see you every day, but these are people you see every day once you've rolled out of bed, then sprinted to work.
You see these people every day when you're hungover, when you slept past your alarm, and when you can't wait to leave.
Do you ever see them in a glamorous, social environment? Well, that depends on your relationships with your colleagues, but we're willing to bet you don't have that many opportunities to put on your shine in a social setting.
Book a hair or nail appointment with the OpenTable for looking good, LookBooker, and you'll practically be sparkling when you enter the room. Everyone will be impressed.
2. Stay a drink behind your boss
This is essential. We know you're a party animal, but your boss doesn't know that. Your goal for this party is to keep it that way.
So keep an eye on how often your boss hits the bar to replenish their drink. Once you've seen your boss re-up their drink, then, and only then, should you re-up your drink.
You do not want to be the office schmuck that's running back and forth from the bar all night long. That is not a good look. Once your boss leaves, feel free to hit the bar hard. However this is once, and only once, your boss has left.
3. Stay until your boss leaves
You want to come off cool, chill, and the type of person who's down for anything; the type of person who keeps it together at holiday office parties.
In order to come off as this cool, chill, totally-has-it-together person, you should outlast your boss at this party. Having to excuse yourself at 10 p.m. because you got too drunk is not a good look.
Outlast your boss, though, and not only will you look like a chill hombre who can handle long lasting parties, you'll also be able to take advantage of that open bar. Once, and only once your boss has left, you can start pounding those top-shelf drinks.
4. Read the room
There may come a time when somebody makes a dirty joke at this party. There may also come a time when people are discussing their personal or dating lives.
It may happen that these dirty jokes or personal anecdotes are appropriate for the climate of the party, or, on the other hand, it may happen that these jokes are absolutely not appropriate at all. If such is the case, you're better off discussing your commute, the weather, and making tacky work jokes.
The only way you'll be able to tell the difference is to carefully read the room. Your boss, or your boss's boss, or your boss's boss's boss, will set the tone on this. If their jokes are racy, it means racy jokes are cool. If their jokes are straight edge, yours should be too.
,5. Eat something beforehand
You definitely do not want to be the lightweight who didn't eat dinner. It's usually never cool to be the lightweight who didn't eat in any type of drinking situation, and this is more true than ever at holiday work parties.
Eat something with carbs, something that'll fill you up. Then you'll handle your alcohol like a pro. No matter how long you've been drinking, no matter how experienced you are at drinking on an empty stomach, you still need to eat prior to your holiday party.
6. Avoid dance contests
Dance contests are so much fun. They're fun for birthday parties, concerts, and parties with your friends on Saturday nights.
Having a dance contest at your office party is probably not the move. You will inevitably be recorded, and that recording will be passed around your office for months to come.
If you must have a dance contest, do it. Just make sure you're prepared for everyone in your office far and wide to see the video of you dancing, and be prepared to see it multiple times.
7. Don't hook up with anyone
We're not trying to be buzz kills or fun blockers, we're just saying this is a bad idea. Or at least an idea you need to take very seriously.
Having a one night stand with someone you work with is the worst idea since atomic bombs. Don't do it. We promise it won't end well. More than likely, this will end with someone feeling annoyed and suffocated and the other person feeling attached and bitter.
If you absolutely need to hook up with someone from your work, it should be because you have an actual crush on that person. You should envision an actual future with that person. If that's the case, this may be your one and only shot to make this occur.
So, hook up if you must, but if you do get it on with someone from work, prepare to be the talk of the water cooler tomorrow morning.
8. Avoid temptation
There will be plenty of temptation tantalizing you during this party. The one that's the most likely to occur is to talk sh*t to and about your coworkers.
Someone will be drunk, and someone will bring up how slow Jim is at making copies or how Mary never responds to emails. Do not-- we repeat --do not take the bait. Talking smack at holiday office parties is a bad move.
Just smile, nod, and get yourself out of the conversation before you can say "danger." If you cannot leave the conversation, change the subject with haste and style. Say something like, "Jim isn't so bad! He does have those really awesome shoes!"
There may be another temptation. You may want to prove how badass you are by showing your coworkers your inappropriately placed tattoo. We urge you to resist this temptation as well.
Check out 7 Stages of Getting Your Significant Other a Holiday Gift.
[Feature Image Courtesy Look]