Is it a secret that we New Yorkers have short fuses?
We'll venture to say probably not. It's pretty easy to make us angry, is our point. We'll get worked up about subway etiquette and slow workers at the drop of a hat, basically.
So you shouldn't be surprised that when it comes to the holiday season, there are things that make us mad.
We'll get mad about you standing on the wrong side the escalator, stopping in front of us on the sidewalk, and being elitist or intolerant any time of the year. Seriously, don't do any of this around us. We won't like it.
There are some things we get specifically mad about during the holiday season. Want to know what they are? Read on.
1. Mess with our holiday cheer
charr001 Christmas decorations making you 😀 or 😡? Too early? Too much? Too little? Too generic? Just right? @abc7ny #rooseveltfieldmall @robnelsonabc7 @amyfreeze
Okay, so you all know about the Long Island mall that tried to strip down Christmas, right?
We're all about that holiday cheer. We love bright lights, huge trees, and pretty much every type of inclusive holiday celebration.
We've got a ton of holiday markets, and we're seriously into them. We've got a very dope Winter Village at Bryant Park, and a $8.5 million dollhouse at the Time Warner Center.
So, our holiday celebrations are extreme. Don't get in the way, or you'll get messed up. By messed up, we mean, we'll probably just be upset from afar. We won't actually hurt anyone. Contrary to popular belief, we're actually really nice.
2. Be offensive
We'll be clear. When we say "mess up holiday cheer," we are not referring to Starbucks' well-intentioned attempt to be inclusive.
We appreciate politically minded acts like Starbucks', and like Google's ethnically diverse Veteran's Day logo.
We're some openminded mother effers in this city, so we're totally not cool with enforcing any type of ideology on anyone.
If you're mad because your mainstream religion or race isn't thrust in the of other New Yorkers in yet another way, we're going to get upset with you quickly.
We'd probably punch you in the face, but that would run counter to all the tolerance we're so all about. So we might just explain to you in a rational, kind way that excluding people in any way isn't cool, and that "the more the merrier" has some very serious ramifications in this city.
3. Get on the subway before we exit
subwayetiquetteplz NYC SUBWAY ETIQUETTE NOW! #Manners #NYC #MTA #PPL #SickNTired #ActionNow - Spread the word!!! ✌️ #subwayetiquette
It doesn't matter what time of year it is. It could be Christmas day for all we care. Don't do this. We repeat, don't do this.
Just wait for people to get off the subway before you get on, okay? It'll help you too. There will be much more room for you to stand if you wait until everyone's gotten off.
We're looking at you, bridge-and-tunnel crowd, because we know you'll be swarming the city with much more frequency now that it's the holiday season.
Also, if you could refrain from cutting us off at the turnstiles, that'd be great too.
4. Be cold hearted
salvationarmyus What's better than a shopping spree? A Giving Spree! Tweet your #RedKettleReason video and tag #GivingSpreeSweeps for a chance to win a NYC shopping spree with @nickcannon to help underprivileged kids in your community! Details: salar.my/givingspree
Did you hear how NYPD Commissioner Bill Bratton claimed the solution to homelessness in NYC is to stop giving homeless people money?
Yeah, we're going to have to beg to differ on that one, Mr. Bratton.
It's the New York way to give back to our community as much as we possibly can this holiday season. The truth of the matter is that generosity is part of the NYC spirit. We like looking out for each other in this city.
Whether that means plunking down some coins in a Salvation Army Cup, donating gifts to New York Cares, or just buying a sandwich to the homeless dude that always sits outside our subway, our spirit of giving is pretty unstoppable in this city during the holiday season.
Don't get in the way of that, or we'll get mad. Fast.
,5. Litter in the subway
We're way over all the subway delays caused by trash on the tracks. Like, we're way over it.
We're sure you've heard the announcements. In 2014 the MTA reported 525 track fires. 329 of which were from garbage and debris left in the tracks.
We're all adults here, right? (Okay, so some New Yorkers are children, so hopefully their parents can ensure that they don't litter). We're talking to adults, though. Can we all please take some pride in our city and our subway system?
Can you not leave newspapers, SantaCon hats, gift wrapping paper, and fast food trash in the subway tracks? Thanks, we really appreciate it.
Actually, please don't leave litter anywhere in the city. There are trash cans everywhere. It's not that hard.
6. Ask us to take pictures of you
keirayeager My ex roomie loves NY, wish I could say the same for the new guy. #nyctourists #redlobster #subwayscaries #empirestateofmind #thestreetsarepavedwithgold #donteatthebubblegum #theyellowonesdontstop
Okay, we get it. You're visiting NYC for the holiday season. You came to see the Radio City Music Spectacular, or the Nutcracker, or whatever basketball game is being waged at Madison Square Garden.
While you're here, you might as well visit the Bryant Park Winter Village, the Rockefeller Christmas Tree, and the dangling stars at the Time Warner Center.
We get it. Our inner tourist pops off sometimes, too, and we'd be lying if we said we never did any of that stuff.
However, if it looks like we're doing something, like we're on a jog in Central Park, or we're walking very fast with our heads down, it means we don't want to stop and take your picture.
We get that you've never seen buildings this tall before, that the Christmas lights adorning Bloomingdale's are making you totally lose your minds, but we're late for work, and we see them every day. So, sorry, but we don't have time to take your picture.
Get a selfie sick.
7. Try to enforce your religion upon us
NYC is a diverse amalgamation of religions, cultures, and ethnicities. We're a melting pot, if you will.
So just because the holiday season makes you feel like you need to get on the subway and start screaming about saving our souls, that doesn't mean we want to hear it.
In fact, we very much don't want to hear it. We had a long day at work, and we just want to get home.
If you're ever overcome by the impulse to stand anywhere in NYC holding a sign about how anyone is going to hell, we beg you to resist this impulse.
When people try to shame us for the way we live our lives, especially when they're masquerading this intrusive prying as in the service of any religion, we get very angry. Very, very angry.
Just please, don't preach at us on the subway or shove signs in our faces, okay?
Check out 6 NYC Department Stores Just Released Their Holiday Window Debut Dates.
[Feature Image Courtesy Christmas Photos]